He has always wanted to have a threesome. I did tell him that I would eventully give him a threesome, I really just don't want to see him with another girl. I don't know what to do. How do I choose a girl that I can trust. I think I am afraid that he will like her better than me. What should I do? Should I be upset that he is so presistant about having a threesome? Does this mean he is losing intrest in me? I love him and just want to make him happy, I don't mind to have a threesome I just don't know what will happen afterwards.
2007-02-21 11:23:19 · 33 answers · asked by Tinkerbell 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
DO NOT DO THIS!! me and my husband have been married for 11 years and have had many threesomes and they have all been great! but all the reasons you have given for doing it are SOOO WRONG and YOU SHOULD NOT DO THIS!! YOU WILL REGRET IT AND IT WILL TEAR YOU GUYS APART!! please hear me when i tell you this it is not for everybody and with the feeling you are having it will NOT GO RIGHT AT ALL!! you need to tell your husband this and make him understand that you said you would under pressure from him and that it can and will destroy your marriage if he makes you go through with it!! no he is not losing interest with you he is just being a a$s who is only thinking of him self and his sexual needs and not the fall out of this choice before this can happen in any relationship you MUST BOTH BE ON THE SAME PAGE!! you need to go to swingers website and post your question there and you will see how many people will tell you that this is not a good idea for you and let him see it hopefully he will realize that this should NEVER be done to MAKE YOUR PARTNER HAPPY! OR DONE BECAUSE YOUR PRESSURED BY YOUR PARTNER!! PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS IT IS NOT FOR YOU OR YOUR RELATIONSHIP!!
2007-02-21 11:42:27 · answer #1 · answered by palmdale1025 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You sound so indicisive about the whole thing, but i think that inside your head your fears are bigger than the actual out come could be.....your fear at the moment is if he finds this other girl more attractive than you, really that is your biggest fear.......face the facts he may well do, but then if you go ahead with this then that is what you must expect could happen....you know i don't get it!....what is the fascination with having a threesome?.....things are much more enjoyable with just two people who can love each other on the deepest level there is exploring one another to the most extremes....tell me how powerful is it when you and your man are so connected passionately, and so deeply you become almost one....and how powerful to see that in EACH OTHERS eyes? not no third party....at the end of the day it's your decision but even having the threesome could raise all sorts of insecurities that break up your relationship...... listen you do not have to do anything you're not comfortable with, you have a right to change your mind, he is not a child and should have some level of understanding your real concerns, you do not have to sacrifice yourself for any man even if he is your husband unless he is prepared to do the same....you are supposed to be a team, not a triangle Good luck in your decision.
2007-02-23 19:30:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say that I think you may have made the mistake when you married him.
You did tell him you would eventually give him a threesome and now that you are married, he expects you to pay up. I'm not at all saying that you are wrong for having second thoughts. If he truly loves you, he should be understanding of your second thoughts and drop the issue. Somehow, though, I don't see that result being likely, although, for your sake it hopefully will happen that way.
You are right to be wary of what will happen afterwards. You never know in advance how a threesome will affect your relationship. You'll have given him permission to have sex with another woman besides you and he will likely infer a more carte blanche permission than just that one time.
Secondly, since you are having second thoughts anyway, your relationship will likely change forever and probably not for the better.
Now, as far as your question, should you be upset? Absolutely not! You've been promising it to him, probably for years, and now that he has commited himself to you you decided to back out!? He'll feel betrayed...
Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do. I suggest you simply tell him you've changed your mind and hope that he understands. If he is truly in love with you, he will.
2007-02-21 11:45:30 · answer #3 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I'm going to address the major part of the question first: should you be upset at him for wanting it? No. I'm sure you want things he doesn't want also. You can't get upset at someone for wanting something, you can just respect their strength when they don't get it.
Why did you promise him a threesome if you don't want to see him with another girl? Or if you're afraid he'll like her better than you? Or if you're not sure how/where to find a girl you can trust?
It's okay, there are ways to work with this. Not all threesomes are created equal. With creativity and an adventurous spirit, any obstacle can be over come. The first will be to find a girl you can trust to help you. A friend or a friend of a friend would probably be your best best. Tell whoever you choose all of what you have planned and get her to agree *before* you say anything else to your husband.
Next is to talk to your husband. Tell him that you think you have a girl for the threesome lined up, but that it has to happen on your terms. Tell him that you will do as you promised, but you need him to promise to allow you total freedom to do it your way. Tell him that everything you do will be with his pleasure in mind, but that you also have to consider your own feelings. If he has questions, answer them. Tell him that if he complains or doesn't agree to your terms or breaks your terms at any time during it then the deal is off.
On the night that it happens, you go get the other girl. Leave her in the car or outside while you go in and get your husband ready. Lead him into the bedroom, blindfold him, and then strip him. Put him under the covers in your bed completely naked except for the blindfold. Tell him that the blindfold has to stay on all night, and if the blindfold comes off at any time then the deal is off and the other girl will leave and it will never happen again. Then, with him blindfolded, you go get the other girl. The two of you strip and climb into bed with him. The whole night, she doesn't talk to him. If she wants to say something to him, she whispers it to you first and you relay the message, so he can't recognize her voice.
When you're done, she gets dressed and leaves before he can take off the blindfold. Then you never have to worry about him liking her more than you. All he'll know is that you provided the most wonderful experience in his life with the help of another girl, and he'll never know who the other girl was.
In the future, don't agree to something unless you're sure you want to do it... but keep in mind that creativity and an adventerous spirit can overcome any obstical.
2007-02-22 01:52:26 · answer #4 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That kind of behavior doesn't belong in a marriage and you should know down in your heart that it doesn't. Y'all should have stayed single and not married if this is the kind of sexual relations you want. I think it would only cheapen your relationship and respect for each other. I used to work with a girl and she had a threesome with her new husband and her ex-husband's sister...now how WEIRD is that ??? She said that he kept paying more attention to the other girl than her (his own wife) and that afterwards she just felt jealous and insecure and weirded out by the whole thing. I told her that nothing good could really come from it. So...YOU decide what would be best here.
2007-02-21 12:19:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it...not because it's a bad thing, but because you've admitted you have fears and insecurities. Unless a relationship is rock solid, and there are no insecurities and jealousies, then playmates should never be added to the bedroom.
Tell him you aren't comfortable with the idea after all and want to have a monogamous marriage.
If he's really pushing this, then you have every right to be upset. There's nothing wrong with a partner making a suggestion for spicing up things in the bedroom (even if it's adding other people) but if their partner isn't receptive to that then the idea should be dropped and that's that. One should never try to push, coerce, or badger someone into doing something sexually that they do not want to do. It's disrespectful and could ultimately ruin the relationship.
2007-02-21 11:29:25 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you knew all along he wanted a threesome why did you
not do it before you got married. Evidentally you and him
do not know what marriage is about because you got
married after eight years and no you are already talking
about messing around with someone else in bed. Later
you will regret it but it will be your own doing so your and
his suffering will be well deserved.
2007-02-21 13:45:14 · answer #7 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your boyfriend is pressuring you into something you don't want to do/don't feel comfortable. I think having a 3 some is NEVER a good idea no matter anyone's comfort level. It takes away from the relationship and anytime you have to look outside in order to derive pleasure in the relationship is a bad sign. Not that your bf is alone- there are plenty of guys who fantasize about having a 3some, but to actually ask you to act on that fantasy I think is very nervy of him. Are you sure you want to be with someone who would ask you to do such a thing?
2007-02-21 11:28:38 · answer #8 · answered by hj55f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it doesn't mean he is losing interest in you. It means he is asking you to dosomething that you are not okay with. He should be 100% committed to you. Does he know what a marriage is??? Being faithful and caring and never asking someone to behave in sexual acts that involve anyone else. If you are ok with it on the otherhand and you have that type of relationship, then it's up to you. But it doesn't sound as though you want to go through with it.
2007-02-21 11:30:33 · answer #9 · answered by pink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think that men should be happy with one woman and vice versa and I definitely would not trust a man to be wanting a threesome because he wants a girl that is not you and after its done he could start cheating!
2007-02-21 11:27:48 · answer #10 · answered by maggi r 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋