Iam a 44 yr old gay man in the UK & have just met someone after being single for 13 years.?

Question

The problem is i no longer look forward to sex like i used to.My new partner is living with me.Iam 44 & he is 21.
I do find him attractive yet i feel i should be offering him more than iam doing at the moment.To be honest i just dont know how to broach the subject to him for fear of him not understanding or doing a runner.
I have been diagnosed with Clinical Depression which i have had for a number of years,this has lifted slightly since i began this new relationship,but i feel under stress because of this other problem.Its as if iam not in the mood for it most of the time,can anyone please help or explain why i may be feeling like this.
During the last 13 years i was practically celibate possibly due to the Depression.
I would like to add he has not been putting me under any pressure regarding this,as yet i havnt discussed this with him.We have had sex but not too often though.

Answer 1

Clinical Depression affects libido. If you are not currently under doctor's care and on medication, please do so immediately.

And by all means, talk with your partner about it. Share your fears and concerns. It may be that he isn't all that interested in sex either - after all, you're British! ;-)

It certainly sounds like he's willing to be patient. Maybe you can use this time until the meds take hold to explore erotic fantasies without the pressure of taking them to a sexual conclusion. Certainly, you should allow yourselves to enjoy each other's company and not feel that intimacy necessarily leads to sex.

Answer 2

I can relate to the way your hamsters are running on the wheels in your brain!! I'm taking a big breath right this second. I want to hug you and just tell you that you are fine and lovable! All this anxiety is pretty normal, especially in the gay world! In a relationship, the ideal thing would be just to confess all this with your guy. Hopefully he's a sensitive guy. Just work through it. If you are afraid that you will over whelm him and push him away, you will have to just do the best you can and do it anyway. If this does some how get in the way, then so be it. The right guy will work with you on this. He is young, though... He may not be able to deal with this. You need to be prepared for this. Just take it one minute at a time. I want to say that if I was in a new relationship now, I would be the same way! Take care and God Bless!

Answer 3

I have depression too and know what you're going through. I think you should be honest - you don't need more stress in your life and perhaps he will understand. How long have you been together? Maybe living with him is too much too soon after 13 years. Email me if you want to talk and good luck.

Answer 4

Puerto Rico

Answer 5

Sit him down after a well thought out romantic evening, dinner, movie, chanpagne, the works, however you do it, get him to understand you love him then tell about the insecurities you're having. If its truly love, he'll be supportive trust me, i know and together i think its important to seek help with a therapist if you can afford one.

It's important that you tell him so he understands what you're going through and all the baggage that comes with it. I have you at heart, you can email me anytime!

Answer 6

Don't bother trying to explain anything to him because from what you've written, you don't quite understand things yourself.

If you have been seeing a therapist for your Depression, this is definitely something that should be discussed. If not, then speak to your physician.

The age difference is not always a factor in the success or demise of a relationship and it may not be in this instance either. Obviously, there are other issues at work.

Good luck to both of you.

Answer 7

The problem is he's way too young, why not address why you are afraid of finding a compatible partner.

Answer 8

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