Porn -- why all the hype??

Question

I really don't get it!! I know that typically women do not get into porn like men do, but I seriously cannot understand the absolute insanity it can cause in men. I am dealing with a situation where I know I need to address this issue with the man in my life, but I don't know how to do this. I thought I'd try to understand why he has always been drawn to it before I really try and discuss it with him. However, I don't think I ever will understand! Guys, do I bring this up? If so, how? And - when it comes to looking at porn - how often is too often? More importantly, when do you think it interferes with a healthy relationship?

Thanks for the input! :-)

Answer 1

It sounds like you have a basically loving relationship with this man, but you also have a deep-cut concern here.

Often the best way to address this (or any) issue in a relationship is to say, with love, what you feel (disgusted? insecure? unattractive? unloved?) and own it. ie not from a "you shouldn't" place but from "I love you and I feel...". Be a little sensitive about timing. And remember that when we speak from anger the other person usually hears our anger, not our message.

Men look at porn for reasons similar to the way we look at other women's legs/****. It's surface attraction -- God and/or evolution made woman more beautiful to the eye than man, in general, and men's eyes and sexuality respond to that attractiveness. As Shakespeare said, "tell me where is fancy bred?" and answered "in the eye!" Whereas women look deeper when seeking a mate, at the personality.
It goes back to evolution -- woman needs a stable nest to bring up kids in, man needs to sow wild oats. If a woman births a child not her partner's, he doesn't know (in evolutionary time, before paternity testing) and will care for it as his own; whereas the whole tribe knows "who's the mother?"

It interferes with a healthy relationship sexually if, if I may be direct with you, if he is using (up) his sexual potency on the porn rather than on you; or if he is mentally comparing you to the chick in the pic and finding fault with you. (The feminine equivalent is women who think they're unattractive because they compare themselves unfavourably with some catwalk model.) Otherwise it doesn't, unless you let it get to your mind and interfere there with specualtions and ruminations. On the other hand, you can play fun with it ...e.g. invite him to fantasise his magic-love when he takes your clothes off.

Answer 2

porn is just a way for a male to feel pleasure without having the hassle of either dealing with a girlfriend, dealing with a wife, or paying a prostitute.

I really don't know why men go crazy for it, but we just do.
There is no set limit for how much porn is too much.
but generally, its something like when u can't finish a project without looking at porn atleast 2 times.
Porn will only interfere with a healthy relationship if the male feels a major urge for sexual intercourse.
Usually a male will try to resist as much as he can to look at pornography during a relationship because, well men think too, we feel that it would be rude to look at porn when you have a girlfriend.

Answer 3

First, let's refer to it as erotica. Porn is what I would call the cheaply made stuff.

Erotica has been around for thousands of years. It began as painting, sculpture and poetry, and eventually evolved into literature, photography, acting, and video.

Both men and women (single and in a relationship) have shown a desire to enjoy erotica in some form.

Erotica is simply an alternative form of sexual arousal.

The latest estimates are that Americans now spend somewhere around $10 billion a year on adult entertainment, which is as much as they spend attending professional sporting events, buying music or going out to the movies.

The erotic industry employs in excess of 12,000 people in California. And in California alone, it accounts for $36 million in taxes every year.

Comcast, the nation's largest cable company, pulled in $50 million from adult programming, and an adult spokesperson estimated that DirecTV pulls in a few
hundred million annually.

Hilton, Marriot, Hyatt, Sheraton and Holiday Inn all offer adult films on in-room pay-per-view television systems. And they are purchased by a whopping 50 percent of their guests, accounting for nearly 70 percent of their in-room profits. One hotel owner said, "We have to have it. Our guests demand it.”

There are well over 800 million rentals of adult videotapes and DVDs in video stores across the country, and that's not 800 guys renting a million tapes each.

As long as a partner is taking care of his/her obligations and responsibilities (job, family) and seeing that the other person is being fulfilled sexually, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with enjoying alternative forms of arousal.

Most female's initial reaction to their partner enjoying erotica is one of offense; their sexual identity is somehow threatened.

There are women in this world that are totally threatened by men viewing erotica, believing that their only arousal/satisfaction should come from their vagina/mouth/hand. That is sad.

There are men in this world that are totally threatened by women's sex toys (vibrators, dildos, etc.), feeling that a woman (their wife, gf) should receive pleasure only from THEM. That is just pathetic. They have some serious self-image/penis issues to deal with.

And then, there are couples such as ourselves (many of them) that enjoy a mature, fully-developed sex life.

If he is fulfilling you sexually, give him some privacy and space to indulge in a little fantasy. Your relationship is not at risk.

Answer 4

Men can't help but look at porn, women can't help but look at shoes. It's just they way we're made. Have your guy go to http://www.thepurplegriffin.com for help. He can download porn for CHEAP there.