Sex and marriage - Personal question?

Question

How many times a week should a husband married for three years with a small child and a working wife expect sex? Mine seems to think it should be everyday but I am tooooo tired most of the time and just want to go to bed with a book. Help me tell him it's not like when you first meet and get married!

In actual fact my husband is addicted to sex. When I was pregnant and sick he wanted sex everyday when it suited him not when I felt well. Less than two weeks after a c section he wanted sex. He has forced me in the middle of the night to have sex. I wish he would find someone else and leave me alone!

Answer 1

It's tough. Men want sex more than women, usually. Maybe if he helped you out a little more around the house and with the child you'd have more energy for sex. Some suggestions - maybe waking up a little earlier in the morning for sex, or going to bed a little earlier, maybe some quickies in different areas of the house(hey, keeps them happy and doesn't require too much time or energy!). It's important to keep your sex life active. Three yrs is not that long. I've been with my husband almost 4 yrs and married since last August and we have 7, no 8(one foster) kids between us and we have sex almost every night, even when all the kids are here. Make time, plan it, make it exciting, have quickies, go on dates, keep it alive!

Good luck,
Tori

Answer 2

hmmm wanna swap hubbies??? lol... only joking... I do adore mine very much

Each individual persons desire for sex varies from everyone elses. He may actually be satisfied if you simply tell him that you do not feel like sex because you are tired but you'd love to hold him while he masterbates. It is a very sexy thing to do for your partner. He may find that is very satisfying and you just might change your mind while he is busy and he wont mind changing the plan if you do....

Sit him down and talk to him about how you feel. Let him know that you do love him and care for him and do find him as sexy as when you first met. Everyone needs a little reassurance!!

Ask him what he thinks the two of you can do to find a mid line... a way for you to feel more like having sex and for him to feel his needs are being considered.

Why are you wanting to go to bed with a book?? What is making you want to do such a solitary thing while you are in bed? Reading doe not include your husband at all. It is like a brick wall that seperates the two of you from one another at the close of every day. Is there some other way you can both feel that you are getting what you need.

There is no reason that lovemaking has to become something you used to do.... no matter how long you've been together..

Make an effort to be adventurous in your lovemaking and think creatively about what you can do for one another in a sensual and sexual way. Do you need more touching and kind words to get you in the mood? Do you need to have more sleep to be able to have the energy for sex? What is it that you need?

If you are too tired most of the time you may be short on essential vitamins and minerals try taking a daily multi vitamin with minerals and see if that helps.

It does sound a little like you have this preconceived idea that women normally feel less like sex as relationships mature. That is not necessarily true and doenst have to be true.

I see there are a lot of women who seem to be patting you on the shoulder an saying oh yeah you are right that is too much for him to want.....all the hoo haa about how raising kids takes up all your energy.... omg... that might be true if you have a special needs child... or if you have eight kids.... but one normal healthy little kid does not take up that much energy... sorry but I think this is a load of crap... and yepp I had five kids... and seldom have been known to say no to sex... when I find myself lacking in desire for sex it is usually because I am not eating right or sleeping enough or am depressed.... good regular sex is an excellent part of life.. and now at 41 I can assure you that my sex drive is as strong if not stronger than at any other time...

Answer 3

I'm not married, but I know what I would say if I was married to my s/o and he wanted it every night....
"Did you marry a person, or a machine?"
Only a machine performs on que, and operates till you turn it off.

Your a human being, and you are a mom, one of the most important jobs there is btw, and you have a very busy and active lifestyle. I think your husband is being insensitive. He should be able to meet you half-way, and understand things from your side.
You should just sit and calmly discuss it with him, honest communication is your best bet to get him to cool off.

One thing you could do, is try to find out how you can better manage your time, so maybe you won't be as tired all the time. I know intimate time with a partner can be really important also, you just have to learn how to make time so that can happen. Even so though, it shouldn't be everyday...atleast IMHO.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

As often as both of you are comfortable with. Believe it or not, some people DO have it every day - for years and years. It really depends on you two. I couldn't be married to a man who expects it every day, it would get very old very quick (probably about a month of dating); my husband and I both feel that once a month is plenty enough - been together for 2 years. It really depends on the couple, it's good if you can meet in the middle.

Answer 5

How could you even think like that at this young age that it is time to stop having sex and read books in a bed. A bed is for three things in my book to sleep, rest and have sex. I have been living with me husband before marriage and nothing has changed we sometimes have to take breaks from each other when it comes to bed and not for very long we would break it. Something is not normal with you, you should get checked out or the bedroom isn't what it sue to be. Sex probably isn't as exciting as it use to be. You should spice it up maybe.
Your husband must understand that when you are tired that he needs to give you a rest. I would hate that when I have worked hard and had a bad day and have to take care of a kid and my house duty that my husband doesn't want to understand how tired I am. He needs to have some understanding.

Answer 6

I feel your pain, I"m in the same situation that you are in I've been married for 3 years also and have one son and my husband will ask for it everyday and sometimes more than once per day and sex is not fun for me anymore because it has become a bit of a chord, no matter how many times I try and get my hubby to understand that I am tired or just not in the mood he doesn't really get it and sometimes we'll get in fights because of it, I know this is not answering your question but nothing has worked for me so far so if you figure something out PLEASE let me know. Thanks and good luck to you !

Answer 7

Men are not effected by the everyday energy it takes to raise a child, some are, but most NO..... They do not realize it takes all we have to be all we are in todays world...... we work out side the home, inside the home, raise the children, be doctors, lawyers and yes tooth fairies when needed... and that takes a toil on us, both emotionaly and physically and even in the BED room !!! You need to sit down with your man and give it your best shot on explaining it all to him, tell him just what you are going thru and why, and IF he wants more from you HE needs to give you just a little more of himself in the form of helping around the house or with the child/s.......Try to get thru his macho brain that we are NOT wonder woman, she is a cartoon character and that we do get just has tired if not more so than a man does..... NOT that we have more important jobs etc., but that we in fact do have more JOBS when it is said and done.... we bring home the bacon and cook it up too !!!!!!! good luck and God bless

Answer 8

I think how much a person wants sex is an individual choice. There is not 'standard' amount a man married three years with a working wife and small child should or should not want sex. Does he expect you to perform aerobic sex every night? Does he make love to you or is it 'wham bam, thank ya mam?' Does he give you lots of foreplay? I'm sorry, but if you have the energy to stay awake and read a book, why can't you at the very least lay there and let the man have some fun, even if you don't have alot of energy to contribute to the fun? Maybe not EVERY night, but at least give him some loving every other night? Guess what...if you won't then he might go find it from someone else. That would be so sad!

Answer 9

If your husband is addicted to sex to this extent there are two books I am suggesting. The first one is to help you all connect. It is called "His Needs, Her Needs" it is a book couples read together to help understand the differences in each other and how they can better accommodate their partner. For instance it talks to the men about how women need a lot more of an emotional connection for sex. Thus we need to give them a lot more non sexual affection (IE randomly holding hands, snuggling, etc). However, women don't typically understand just how strong a man's sex drive is. It is often times his number one need in a marriage to be sexually fulfilled (they do not typically need the foreplay). This does vary form person/couple but it is pretty accurate.

The other book I would recommend is for him if he realizes he is addicted and willing to fix this. It is called "Every Man's Battle: Sexual Immorality". It helps a man break down the roots of his need for sex, and helps a man control his mind so he can deal with the sexual overload thrown at us in this American culture.

Answer 10

Sex is to a husband what conversation is to a wife. When a wife deprives her husband of sex for days, even weeks on end, it is a tantamount to his refusing to talk to her for days or weeks.
In other words your hurting him, starving his needs.
You are not too tired for your book, but you are too tired for sex? I don't understand women like you, because this is the question asked right before " I don't understand why my husband cheated on me"
I am a wife, a mother of two and I have sex with my husband when he wants. I'm not always in the mood to start off and may be tired but I tell you what I get in the mood fast when we start snuggling an kissing. Put on something sexy let him admire you and have sex with the poor man. I think many women misunderstand a mans need for sex, it goes far beyond the physical act.