Are women redefining cheating to rationalize their divorce goals?

Question

I am seeing a lot of women here throwing the term "cheating" around like it was a pentalty flag at a football game. Look .. if I pull out my johnson and plant it in another woman, that's cheating. If I grope another woman's breasts when I am not trying to stop myself from falling over, that's cheating. If I start examining another woman for cavities using my tongue, that's cheating. And that's about it.

Unless I am in initimate physical contact with another woman, I am not cheating on my wife. I don't care if it is looking at photos or movies or watching a stripper in her birthday suit. I don't care if I am flirting with a waitress, dancing with a stranger, or chatting about sex online. It isn't cheating.

If you want to end your marriage over your husband (or wife) engaging in intimate fantasies that don't involve real sexual contact, that is up to you. You may have other women who agree with you, but trying to claim that your husband cheated on you is a cop-out for allowing

... you to absolve yourself of your marital duities (of both parties) to work out your problems. Before you make that leap you should be looking at your motivations. Are you just hoping for the first good excuse that comes along so you can rationalize giving up on your commitment?

Answer 1

yepper I agree...cheating is sexual intercourse, anal or oral gratification...anything else is not cheating....

Answer 2

He made the mistake, HE should be willing to make sacrifices. First off of course I would say divorce, but you don't want that. So next step would be trying to work it out. HE needs to be willing to try. If he cares about the marriage and you, he will understand how it must make you feel that he still works at the same place, and also that he has hurt you so deeply. Do not say he "can't" quit his job. Yes, he can. People are free to do whatever they want. It may not sound like a big deal, but if it would help you gain his trust back, he should be willing to do it. Remember, he is in the wrong, and NOTHING. is "too much" to ask of him. He needs to take responsibility, own up, and pour everything he has into earning your trust back. If he's not willing to do that, he doesn't feel bad enough about it, and he's not a good guy, toss him and find a new one. It is devastating that you were with him for 18 years, but this thing is going to be in the back of your mind forever. Wasting 18 years is better than wasting the rest of your life. Choose wisely. Best of luck.

Answer 3

You are right to a certain degree. With doing all those things that you already do, now this is my opinion, those things should only be done with your wife, not with some other woman talking about sex, watching a stripper, or porno pictures or movies, or flirting with a waitress, dancing with a stranger, all those things you can do with 'your wife'. So, why do those things, when you have your wife to do them with? Have her put on something sexy to turn you on, etc..... Could it be that men and women do those kinds of things what you have mentioned, because they are either tired of their marriage or tired of the person they married, or could it be that they just are not satisfied with their spouse and don't respect their spouse?

Sorry pal, but you can't speak for me. This is why there are so many divorces, because all they want is a 'fast satisfaction', rather then wanting a great satisfaction with their spouse. To me that is inappropriate behavior.

Answer 4

I disagree with your definition of cheating, simply because I believe you can "emotionally" cheat.....especially online. If you do ANYTHING that takes away time from your wife, and you don't want your wife to know about it (e.g. reading your online chats for instance) you're cheating....

As to your question, in many states, you don't need a reason to file for divorce. But I do believe that women throw out the "cheating" card without taking a good, hard look at their own actions, and why a man is cheating....

Men are simple creatures....if they're not horny, make them a sandwich.....if a woman isn't meeting a mans needs, he's going to stray....period.

Answer 5

Since I believe in emotional affairs too, I would add that having a close "friendship" with a member of the opposite sex, keeping it secret from your spouse is also cheating.

Basically, if you are doing anything that you would not want your spouse to find out about (save getting her a secret birthday gift, I'm not talking about those types of secrets) then you are cheating.

So going to a strip club may not be cheating, but it can still be destructive when it comes to your marriage.

Answer 6

Every man and every woman may have his/her own definition of cheating. The key is for two people who are together to understand and respect each other's definitions. Your definition is much looser than mine, but all that really matters is that my husband understands mine, because I made the conditions very clear before we got married, and he accepted them. I believe that any interest or activity that directs sexual energy outside of our relationship is inappropriate for either one of us. Period. I don''t care if it's called cheating or flirting or indulging in porno, it's not OK in my relationship. And if there is a betrayal in my relationship, I don't think I need to call it "cheating" or rationalize anything to be justified in at least considering divorce.

Answer 7

yes, any type of sexual contact is cheating. that is clear

But flirting in a man or woman is not cheating
sometimes we do those things to see if we still got it ;)
it gives our ego a little boost and maybe that evening might go better with your spouse, due to a little flirting

heck not all marriages fall apart due to cheating:
1.) money
2.) no respect
3.) abuse physical or emotional
4.) poor communication
5.) change in priorities
6.) lack of commitment
7.) sexual problems
8.) addictions
9.) expectations set to high and failed
10.) Infidelity

Answer 8

Sorry you got busted dude, but your tolerance for infidelity isn't shared by the rest of us. There are a lot more things that are cheating that are a serious problem: phone sex, Internet sex, lap dances.

Some of the things you mention aren't full-blown cheating, but they're pretty clearly demonstrating a willingness or tendency to cheat. That's not very different, it's only a matter of time before he takes the next step.

Answer 9

Sounds more like a statement than a question, but to answer you consider this: the bible says "any man who looks at a woman with lust for her has committed adultery in his own heart". What then is the answer to you? Yes it all is cheating.

Answer 10

I guess your wife's cheating on you?

Answer 11

I hate to be blunt, but she is right, and she isnt defining it... GOD did. all those things, you say arent cheating, look it up... You wanna save your marriage, try to understand where she is coming from, tell her you are trying to understand and go to church with her..