I started having this anxiety attack...?

Question

...last summer which led me to trouble in eating. I was eating completely normal I was 190 pounds. And I believe that everything started on the day of my birthday after I was wearing a swimsuit I thought it was cute and my godmother told me it was of a old woman. I got really upset, I went crying and lock myself in the bathroom. And start crying and that's when I remembered that She always been this way with me. Treating me bad, insulting and criticism. And that's when my first anxiety attack crave in. It was really slow but it did kick in. I couldn't almost eat one piece of my birthday cake. Then When i got home I could eat. But suddenly it happen again. I thought it was my weight. And the I got better when on October I had the most strange thing happen I got this anxiety attack cause I thought I was going to die while eating a cheesy pop(burger King) and I got nervous they took to the hospital and they didn't found a thing. And it led me to drink only. I stop eating. I lost 76 pounds

So the next thing I know is that I lost all that weight and I'm still alive but worry that I might get sick. Do I have anorexia? What do you think?
I'm on Boost Plus! So that's why I'm still alive...
It's that healthy? I wish I can eat again!!

sorry I'm currently 132 pounds.
I look different none of my high school friends recognize me.

Answer 1

You must try to get over the psychological hurdle of defining yourself through others opinions.

The negative comments you revealed can be thought of as reflections of the commenter's own insecurities.

You can choose to be the judge of yourself. Don't let someone else define who you are.

Answer 2

My mother always criticised me - and to some extent still does about my weight. I felt that I had to prove to the world I could be thin but this was making me unhappy as it was not the real me. I've learned now to love me the way I am, I'm now 155 lbs and look good and feel good and am now able to deflect my mothers criticisms, at the end of the day she's the one with the problem not me. Don't force it though, it took me some time to realise, you'll know when you are ready - don't give up on yourself x

Answer 3

By all means call it anorexia... after all, you are not eating common-or-garden food and you are saying it's because of anxiety. I'm sorry, but I can imagine how deeply you'd love to have your godmother like you and your body and that may be very difficult to get whatever you do. You say "she's always been this way with me" so I wonder if it's been a lifelong struggle and desire of yours, one you've never been able to fulfil. Sometimes people are just like that, Lily, they put us down whatever we do and we can never satisfy them or look good in their eyes. You may be able now to begin to train yourself to know that your godmother's thoughts about you are HERS and not THE truth...... rather than to try to change her however much you'd love to.

But you have high-school friends. You have other people in your family, too, perhaps? People who like you and care about you just as you are? And maybe there are people YOU care about?

And how would you be at believing in yourself? What do you say to the thought that you can love you no matter what anyone else says or thinks or feels? That inside you is a lovely person with a great future ahead of her?