Is it ok for my wife to have a close single male friend?

Question

My wife has told me that she would like to be close friends with a man she recently met. She says there is no sexual attraction (I belive her), but that she likes to talk to him and would be very disappointed if I objected. Initially I said ok, but she just told me that she is planning to have him over to our house one afternoon when I will be at work. She says I am welcome to meet him but she doubts I would like him.

My feeling is that it is inappropriate for married people to have close friends of the opposite sex (unless the friend is really both of their friends or perhaps the friendship preceeded the marriage).

I am not the type of person to tell my wife what she can and cannot do. I want my wife to have as many friends as she wants. An opposite sex friend that is part of a group (think Elaine on Seinfeld) is fine. But a close friendship between my wife and some guy I never met seems wrong.

Am I overreacting or should I stand my ground?

Answer 1

Stand your ground! It'd be one thing if this were an old friend, but a new one? No, this isn't right.

There is such a thing as cheating emotionally. It isn't right for her to develop a strong emotional bond with another man that she clearly doesn't want you involved in. Plus, this guy doesn't know you and doesn't have any loyalty toward you. There is nothing to stop him from making a move. This is a very bad situation.

Answer 2

I think your attitude is mature and valid. She may say that there is no sexual attraction on her for this guy, but does he feel the same way? Did you not object to her having a close male friend, because you didn't want her to disappoint her? Don't woos out on this. And no, you would not like to meet him as he is vying for your wife's attention (and visa versa).

You have every right to tell your wife what she can and cannot do if you feel that those things can and may shake the foundations of your relationship. She has the same right. It is the boundaries you both set for each other.

I would reinforce and stand your ground. You wife needs to more discerning about who she makes friends with and why. My ex made friends with people who were generally nice, but had some real serious baggage. I said nothing like a woos. The end result was awful.

Answer 3

You use Elaine on Seinfeld as an example. You are aware that she and Jerry were a couple at one time? And that after hearing her leave a suggestive message on Jerrys phone, the other two guys wanted her?

It is not ever going to work that a man and a woman can just be friends. Eventually, one of them will want the other or they will both want each other. And you havent met him?? Yikes. Anyway, In my opinion youre allowing your wife to have a boyfriend.

So no, you are not over reacting.

Answer 4

Ok what would you do as a single guy being a close friend to your now wife? Is she attractive and fun to be around? Did you fall for her? Think like a single man. I believe when your married you should have married friends and if you have single friends that are of the opposite sex and close then they should be friends with your spouse as well.

Answer 5

I don't think your over reacting at all!!! I would be extremely jealous if my man had a some woman in our house whom i didn't know and was there while i wasn't!!! Not that i don't trust my boyfriend it the women i don't trust! and in your case the other man!!! He is single and is more than likely interested in your wife.. and if he hasn't already he will pursue her!!! She is already telling you that you wont like him... why is that? that sounds funny!Stand your ground... tell her you don't want him there when your not home! and try telling her to put herself in your shoes... How would she feel if you were home by yourself with some woman she has never met!!! She would probably be jealous and very upset!!!! I think you are 100% right! I could see if they were friends before yall met or something, but just some new guy coming in the picture is kinda weird!!!

Answer 6

No, it isn't. When you are committed to someone there is a ledge between monogamy and cheating. The closer you get to that ledge, the easier it is to fall over to the cheating side. One tug or push and you are now a cheater. The fact that he does this now while he is supposed to be engaged to you in preparation for marriage is a big red flag. If you choose to ignore it you only have yourself to blame. You are not going to change him. You can either live your life with him being like this or you can break up and find a man who will be decent and respectful toward you and your relationship. You need to find a church that has premarital classes and learn what marriage is before you marry someone who still wants to be single and have other women.

Answer 7

You should stand your ground. If she had this guy friend before you I would understand, possibly wanting to keep him. She just met him, there is no need in her disrespecting you like this. Have you met a female during your relationship that you feel the same way about? If the answer is no, than she should not have this 'close' male friend.

Answer 8

No, you are not overreacting at all. I just don't understand why your wife would want to have a relationship with a 'single man' who you don't even know. There has to be a reason why she is so persistant to want to see and talk with this man. I think you made a mistake saying that it was ok with this. You should not allow a 'single man' or any man to be alone with your wife in your home at any time while you are at work. That is not very appropriate at all. A man who is married should never be alone with a woman in his home, either way.

Your wife is being disrespectful to you by inviting a 'single man' into your home. If she wanted you to meet him, then you both should have set up a way to meet like at a restaurant to have dinner, but not in the home where she is alone with him. She doesn't need to have this 'close relationship' with him either.

A couple can have a close friend of the opposite sex that's if they both know this person and have known this person for a long time, but that person should never be left alone with the wife, no matter how close the friendship is.

Like awhile back, my husband and I have a home-base business, he does business with so many people via Internet, and one of them was a single female. I've heard of her before, by my husband and other people, but never spoke to her via phone. My husband knew her for 2 years and she has helped him with the website that he runs, but mostly on the Internet. So, I never met her. So, she came to our area on a business siminar and my husband ask me if we can take her out to dinner when she is here because she wanted to meet me and our sons. She has never been here in our area before. So, I said okay and we met her and went to dinner. We have never had her at our home. She came out to be a really nice person and really successful. I did trust my husband with this and his judgment, because she wanted to meet me and our sons too!

So, you need to be careful with what you say to your wife. But, you as a husband and a man, should be able to tell your wife things that are not appropriate. What would concern me, is that she already told you that you are welcome to meet him, but she doubts it if you will like him. What was that suppose to mean? That she already knows that you will not like him. And if she already knows that, then she shouldn't even have thought of having this man to visit or have a 'close relationship' with. Does that make sense to you?

I think you should talk more with your wife about this, explain to her if she would like it if it was the opposite of you having a single woman become close friends with you and your wife didn't know her at all and you wanted to invite her over while she was at work. How would she react to that?

Just do the right thing, and don't allow this type of inappropriate behavior from your wife. Her behavior is something you may want to look into with her more.

Answer 9

You are not overreacting at all I would let this continue tell her that you do not feel comfortable having another man in your house when you are not there. She is lying to your face it sounds like she is going to making whoppy with this guy when your at work. Tell her that you would be fine having him come over as a guest when you are both there and if she thinks you won't like him then there must be a reason? Stand your ground just tell her NO!!!!!!

Answer 10

Just the fact that she is putting her friendship with this other man ahead of your feelings should be a concern for you. Having him as her friend and involving him in social settings is fine, but to have him over the house while you are at work sounds inappropriate to me. I can see if she just wanted to invite him over for dinner with you and her, but something tells me there is more to this story than she is telling you. You as her husband should be her priority and not some other man. I feel you are not over reacting and have reason to be concerned.