We had been together for 16 years now, We had had up and downs, but the last few weeks, he is alway mad about something, never smiles anymore unless he his talking to his best freind, It like he's not happy being at home with me and the kids, I cant see love in his eyes or feel it in his touch anymore, and when i ask why he alway comes up with something that has nothing to do with his home life, (work, kids,) I'm 31 years old now I dont wont to waste my life with someone who does not care anymore. So what do you think? is it all in my head?
2007-02-21 08:47:03 · 19 answers · asked by babycake 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I met my husband when I was 15 we were married when i was 18 so he is all I have ever know, No i'm not ready to leave him, but I also know that I'm not going to stay with someone that does not love, I deserve better.
2007-02-22 02:27:54 · update #1
Could be a mid-life crisis..............
Talk to him, life is too short to waste your time with a man that
might not want to be with you anymore........(totally agree with you).
2007-02-21 08:53:24 · answer #1 · answered by Dee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's under a lot of stress outside the home. I think if you take more of an interest in his issues with work and the kids and try to work with him on this, things would get better. I bet if you sincerely try, you'll be able to work through this.
Men tend to bottle up their problems inside. When this happens they tend to loose the love in their eyes and touch. It doesn't mean that it isn't still there. I'm sensing that he is overwhelmed and just dealing with it by keeping it all in.
Try making his ultimate favorite dinners as a complete surprise and not for a 'special occasion'. Don't make a big deal out of it. If he asks why, just say 'I thought you'd enjoy having this, so I took the extra time to make it".
Think of things you did together before work and kids made them inconvient. Try to make time for them. If you have a relative or friend that can take the kids for a weekend, plan a getaway to someplace you used to like to go together when things were better.
Did you give him a lot of TLC before, that you don't seem to have time now with taking care of the kids? I know it's impossible to do as much as you once did, but try and find some time for the little things. They mean more to men than most women realize. It only takes a few seconds to bring him a fresh drink when he's trying to unwind, a sweet smile for no special reason and other little amentities that take little time or effort, but shows that extra effort that he is loved and apreciated.
Mid life crisis seems to be happening at younger ages these days. Is there something that interests him that he hasn't felt able to pursue? If he's always wanted something he's put you and the kids before having? Maybe now is the time to find a way. Men at that age can get fairly forlorn for wanting something they didn't have when young, but wanted. A telescope? A motorcycle? It could be anything, but I bet you'd have an idea.
I'd give this a sincere effort before thinking of moving on.
Good Luck :-)
2007-02-21 17:21:30 · answer #2 · answered by Captain Jack ® 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not all in your head. love takes many turns in marriage. In 16 years alot has happened. Your relationship is not a simple thing anymore. You have kids approaching teenage years. You have a community of friends that have different expectations. I thing you should see a marriage counselor for a few sessions then communicate to him you are going to one, maybe if he still loves you he will also attend. You need to prepare for the worst, but expect the best. Expect him to come around to you because he needs and wants you - just the way you are.
2007-02-21 17:27:38 · answer #3 · answered by normansbro 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he stressed at work? Or are bills behind? The two of you need to sit down and talk about how both of you are feeling. Does he have any medical problems? It could be a lot of things, but only HE knows what they are. How is your sex life? It's usually the first thing to suffer, when things aren't right at home. Talk, communicate, open up......it will help your marriage. Good Luck!!
2007-02-21 16:53:04 · answer #4 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Feeling lonely in your marrige is not in your head. I think people get caught up in their lives,work,play,bills,just day to day living gets you in a rut. You don't mean for it to happen,it just is. Tell your husband you don't feel wanted or needed by him,explain that you want to make changes to improve,not that you want him to make changes,that puts people in defense mode real quick. Try to get some time alone together w/o kids,an overnighter not that far from home can work,you just have to get the spark back,there's too much history and love left to give up. If he clearly states he's not interested and is there for "the kids only",well,you don't have a marriage then,do you?Good luck, so many people just don't feel family is important these days,I hope your family can make that change.
2007-02-21 17:22:57 · answer #5 · answered by fisherwoman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be. I would press to find out what things are bothering him. His work? His mother/father? So many things could be wrong, and causing him stress.....but I would also be concerned as to why he's not discussing these topics with you.
He might still love you, but he might not trust you with his problems, and that in itself, is a big problem.
Talk to him, and if you don't get anywhere, tell his best friend you're worried about him. His friend might not break confidence and talk to you, but he might pass on the word to your husband that you're worried....
Also....why this "I don't want to waste my life" attitude after only a few weeks? Sounds a little suspicious to me.....
2007-02-21 16:52:10 · answer #6 · answered by salemgirl1972 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to set up a date night with just the 2 of you and if that don't work try going away for a romantic weekend otherwise the only thing you can do is to go to marriage counseling to try and figure out what is going on.
Best Wishes and Good Luck
2007-02-21 16:54:15 · answer #7 · answered by butterflybaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not all in your head. It is real, he fell out of love. You are correct and should not waste your life. Try to stay happy while here, we are not here very long so don't waste it miserably.
2007-02-21 17:03:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he doesn't, you might be giving him a reason: one 3-week rough patch in a 16 year marriage, and you're ready to throw in the towel?
Jeez.
2007-02-21 17:51:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Youve been together since 15 ? Long time. Try counseling.
2007-02-21 17:22:16 · answer #10 · answered by MeadowMeade 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋