I need help with a family argument before it starts. Help please!!?

Question

This is what happened. Monday morning I took my daughter to work( her car is in the shop). On the way home, I hit a patch of ice at a stop sign and skidded out into the middle of a state highway. Thankfully, no semi's were coming or I wouldnt be here today. My son was very upset about this, because the police never called my husband to salt( he works for the street dept.) My son e-mailed the police and asked where they were and why they wasnt out patroling and keeping an eye on the roads( they call 90% of the time to say the roads need attn.) Now my husband is really mad at my son, and when he( my son) gets home from work, I have a feeling theres going to be a big fight!! Was my son wrong to e-mail the cops?? Or is my husband being a jerk about the whole thing?? I'm to upset to think right about this, so I need people's opinions. Thanks alot!!!!

Answer 1

Could your husband be mad? Sure. Could the police me miffed? Maybe. The simple answer is perhaps your son may have acted precipitously...but he did so out of concern and love for you.

More than 30 years ago I wrote to the police in my hometown in New Jersey from California. My mother was being intimidated at a bus stop in my little hometown. (My mom was a scrapper and wasn't intimidated by many things. But a half a dozen teenagers were a bit more than she thought she could take on.) I was livid! I never told my mom until much later that I had written to the police. But I did get a letter from her saying that all of a sudden there were police hanging around the bus stop and those kids never bothered her again.

I never stopped loving my mom, nor caring about her. Much as she did for me. It's a hard line to walk between interfering and being pro-active. Still...I'd rather have a son who loved me that much over one who didn't care at all and I bet your husband just might join me in those sentiments...especially if it extends to him.
Who knows...maybe the police department has folks who care that much for their moms too.
Good luck!

Answer 2

Your son was partially in the wrong. He should have simply advised the police that there was a dangerous intersection and give the street names. There was no need to be rude about it, hopefully the police realized he was just upset.

Its really not the job of the police to find these spots, the roads should be salted if the weather requires it, and drivers need to be extra careful in icing conditions. Intersections and stop signs are known icing hazards , because cars stopped there tend to drip water on the road and the warm engine and tires melt the snow.

Some roads though are often done late in the day if they are not major roads.

Hopefully your husband will be more concerned with you being OK than mad at your son.

Answer 3

I understand both your concern and your son's concern over this, but I must say that I think your son was out of line. It is not the responsibility of the police department to make sure the roads are salted; that's what your husband's department is for. If the police have a reason to report something like this - and if you HAD been in an accident, then they would have reported the ice - then they will; other than that, it's the highway maintenance department's job to keep the roads clear.

I can understand why your husband is upset since he works for the same government as the police do; that means he will invariably hear about the e-mail from someone in his office. The best thing I can tell you is to get to your husband first and talk to him, see if you can calm him down, and then the three of you sit down and talk.

Good luck; I hope it works out for you.

Answer 4

I would think your husband working for the street department has the same capability of looking out the window and seeing the conditions are bad just as the officers would. He could be embarassed for your sons less than appropriate actions.

You son "emailing" the police is unusual...why not just CALL the police which would elicit a more immediate response. To top it off...to tell the police they should "be out patrolling and keeping an eye on the roads" would most definitely be inappropriate. I think the police have better things to do than be admonished by a child. (Things are beginning to make me go "hmmmm.")

Maybe what you ALL should do is sit down...discuss the issue...QUIETLY and CALMLY...and promise each other to act more like adults in the future!

Have a nice day!

Answer 5

Well, I don't think that our opinions of whether your son was right or wrong is going to matter. It sounds like your husband thinks he was wrong and that is the only opinion that is going to have any kind of bearing on what happens when they get together later. Maybe you should just let your husband say what he thinks and get it out and over with and then move on.

I do know this.....when my dad was working for the county, if I had mouthed off to government officials about anything like that there would have been hell to pay when he found out about it. It would have been a reflection on him and he would have had to live with the consequences which is probably the same reason your husband is upset.

Now, since you asked for our opinions I am going to give you mine. Your son should have stayed out of it and let your husband ask the questions if he had concerns about why he wasn't called.

Answer 6

Well I think your son has a right to be upset, you are his mom. I really don't think he should of taken it another step farther. He could of put your husbands job in jeopardy. I am sure your husband was worried and is upset too. It wasn't his fault, so I don't think he is being a jerk. He might be a little confused by the whole situation, I know I would. To much flying off the handle. The main thing is you were not hurt. Be thankful, and tell everyone pipe down and be quiet.

Answer 7

Since your husband works salting iced roads and your son knows this, then your son was in a position to find out how he should proceed in the matter instead of going off on his own tangent. Your son was wrong to not get more information before doing anything, since he easily could have.

Answer 8

Your son was right from the point of view of public safety but he might have taken a tone he shouldn't have used or used a method of requesting services that was not proper. Try to get everyone focused on the intentions (your son just wanted to help). After the parties calm down, you can get your husband to explain what upset him and your son to plan to do something different next time. Yeah, sounds easy on paper but it's best to have a plan so at least one person stays calm.

Answer 9

Send them all to their rooms until they can act like an adult.
And while we are at it, none of us need to be taking your husband's side or your son's side.
Ice happens (it is winter, you know) and road departments will never manage to get it all done to people's satisfaction. It is not going to help anyone for your whole house trying to figure out who is to "blame" and for what.
What IS important is that you were not hurt. Tell them all to shut up and focus on that. Then they will be mad at you, but that's their problem.

Answer 10

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