Can you think of any funny malapropisms? If you don't know what a malapropism is...?

Question

...its like a funny sentence where you put the wrong word in e.g arabs wear turbines on their head (meant to be turbans)
by the way is that racist my mum says i shouldn't put it for homework.
I need funny, long malapropisms, spent hours thinking got 2 so far!! Don't get them off the internet though because my teacher knows all the famous ones. He also made a rule that they have to begin with the same letter and have the same ending i didn't think malapropisms needed that?

Answer 1

My gran used to say them all the time - 'look at those people all corregated over there'.

Answer 2

Destitute on the game? Poor lass... she should up her prices! anyway: just a few malapropisms for your appreciation: Doncha' just love cut and pastie :P Your ambition - is that right - is to abseil across the English channel?" Cilla Black "It is beyond my apprehension." Danny Ozark, baseball team manager "Listen to the blabbing brook." Norm Crosby "This is unparalyzed in the state's history." Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House "She's really tough; she's remorseful." David Moorcroft "And then he [Mike Tyson] will have only channel vision." Frank Bruno, boxer "Cardial - as in cardial arrest." Eve Pollard "Marie Scott... has really plummeted to the top." Alan Weeks "He's going up and down like a metronome." Ron Pickering "He's on 90... 10 away from that mythical figure." Trevor Bailey, cricket commentator "Unless somebody can pull a miracle out of the fire, Somerset are cruising into the semi-final." Fred Trueman "We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile." George W. Bush "The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder." Richard Daley, former Chicago mayor "He was a man of great statue." Thomas Menino, Boston mayor "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." Dan Quayle, Vice President "Well, that was a cliff-dweller." Wes Westrum, about a close baseball game "If Gower had stopped that [cricket ball] he would have decapitated his hand." Farokh Engineer "We seem to have unleased a hornet's nest." Valerie Singleton "This series has been swings and pendulums all the way through." Trevor Bailey, cricket commentator "Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it." Mike Smith, ordering a salad at a restaurant "It's got lots of installation." Mike Smith, describing his new coat

Answer 3

It was a sad story - very heart rendering.
We wanted to help the indiguous people of the country.
What a messy house. How can they live in such squander.
The perferator of the crime was apprehended by the police.
He looked very thin and emancipated.
She looked gorgeous in her new dress - absolutely explicit.
.

Answer 4

If you need examples you should look through Dogberry's lines in Much Ado About Nothing.

Answer 5

look at that shoulder over there with a big gun(meant to be solider, said by my 2 year old at windsor castle!)

Answer 6

President Bill Clinton was an immortal President. oops, i meant "immoral".

Answer 7

over heard on a bus two women talking , one says to the other her mum had a cyst on on her aviary(ovary)

Answer 8

Having too much collateral in your blood (cholestrol)
Alcohol is ok in modification (moderation)
You can catch semolina off chickens. (salmonella)

These were actually said by a bloke we know!

Answer 9

I know someone who used to buy 'partisan cheese' (parmesan.)
and elemental cheese (emmentahl)
And my mother inlaw wants some sonar garden lights (solar)

Answer 10

Someone insults you. You say, angrily "I resemble that remark!"