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My boyfriend's mother passed away last week. I asked him if he wanted me to come over this weekend (we live 2 hrs apart) to hang out. Get his mind off things, take care of him, you know? Well...when I asked him...he didn't say yes, but didn't say no either. Guaranteed if I don't come down, he'll end up going to a bar with the guys b/c he hates to be alone. Why wouldn"t he want me to come over??

2007-02-21 07:47:50 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

8 answers

Probably, at this point he doesn't know what to do because he's in a state of shock! In my opinion, I think you should give him space and don't push things up, because this is a extremely difficult situation for anyone to deal with and the last thing he would want to deal with is drama. Unfortunately, people don't think clear in these situations. Try not to make assumptions or think about the worse...him drunk at the bar with friends. Ask him nicely what he's going to do this weekend and just offer him your company. If he wants to go to a bar, he will go sooner or later, with or without your permission, cause that's not under your control. What you need to do is to make this life transition easy, give him support, and allow him to grieve in a way that HE feels comfortable (alone, or with company, etc). This is about him, not you.

2007-02-21 08:19:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Its not about you. His mother just passed away. I am sure he doesn't want to think about anything. You're probably absolutely right, if you don't go, he will probably go out with his friends. But if you do come maybe you will both go out to a bar, maybe you'll stay in and take care of him. Be sensative, this is not a time for you to look for reasons of why he doens't want you. I am sure he is hurting and you need to give him space and security to know that you will be there for him no matter what, even when you may feel rejected. He's not rejecting you he is just hurting.

2007-02-21 16:08:12 · answer #2 · answered by Euphoria 2 · 0 0

My mother passed away in 2004 at the age of 56...my husband and I were engaged at the time and planned a wedding 6 months prior to her passing away (we did not know she was gonna die).

What I am saying is that the death of a parent makes one do things that are insane. I ended up taking cocaine and crack cocaine that I had not touched in 10 years. I drank my self to tiredness and I was mean and cruel to the people who loved me the most. Today, I have regrets upon my behaviour towards my husband and my best friend because I treated them like crap. I have apologized to them and I keep doing so because I feel so bad on how I treated the ones that cared about me the most.

2007-02-21 16:01:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I'd give him a break. Don't get to emotional about it. Some people want to be alone when a loved one passes away. Some people need the attention. And some people escape. He could be anyone of these.
He's grieving. Let him be for a little bit. Unless he specifically requests it, leave him alone.

2007-02-21 15:55:18 · answer #4 · answered by Scott D 5 · 0 0

im a guy!

anyway

we don't want to worry about having to spiffy up for the ladies when we're feeling down. We just want to be with our friends, in a relaxed enviroment.

just give him some time woman!

2007-02-21 16:10:18 · answer #5 · answered by steveo 3 · 0 0

Leave him to be with his family and grieve in his own way.
Men do not like to cry in front of anyone especially a girlfriend.
Unless he specifically asks you to be there do not bring it up again.

2007-02-21 16:01:51 · answer #6 · answered by Cinna 7 · 0 0

He is coping with the fact that his mother is gone. Be there for him and let him know that he doesn't have to go through this ordeal alone.

2007-02-21 15:54:36 · answer #7 · answered by Meredith 2 · 0 0

He's probably so upset he doesn't know what he wants.
Try telling him you're coming regardless and see what he says.
Drinking isn't going to help anything.

2007-02-21 15:52:41 · answer #8 · answered by diannegoodwin@sbcglobal.net 7 · 0 0

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