How can I explain to my 8 year old daughter what is sex?

Question

I was trying to get an oppinion from my daughter regarding this man. I told her that he might be my boyfriend and after she told me that she likes him, she asked me "are you -humpping- each other? OMG!!!! What kind of question is that? She is only 8 years old!!! she told me that hupping is -sex-, and that boyfriends have sex, and gay people too!!!! woman with woman and man with man... who the hell are giving her those explanations? More over, she gave me more detailed explanation that I don't want to mention. How can I explain to her what is sex without giving her to much information, and make her keep trusting me. I know that this will come one day, but 8 years? I was expecting this conversation in a few more years... I mean she still my baby...

Answer 1

She is still a baby and while she is giving you explicit information, she doesn't actually know what much of this means. "Humping" is a word she heard on tv and sex is something that happens on tv when they pull the covers over their head.

It is very important to answer her questions with honesty, but she doesn't need details. Also explain to her a little bit about the connection between love and sex. Right now she knows sex exists and in todays world where we are discussing Gay Rights and many states are granting the right for homorsexuals to marry, it is not that odd that she would have heard that men have sex with other men and women with women. That is news.

I would use this time to explain a bit of the consequences. For example, many people have sex but sex is suppose to be a responsible act. If a person has sex before they are ready, they have risks. A woman could end up having a baby and therefore losing the opportunity to go to college. Sometimes people catch diseases and they get very sick. I wouldn't go into detail about diseases--she is too young for that. However, if you lie to her and tell her that sex leads to storks bringing babies or that sex feels bad if you aren't married she is going to find out you lied and not believe anything else you said about the subject. Once you are caught lying about sex, then it must be b/c you don't want her to have any fun. (You remember that line don't you? We've used it against our mothers for hundreds of years) It's important to have as much honesty as possible, to combat the "it feels good" and "it's how you get guys to date you" that she will be hearing real soon at school. Being popular and having dates weighs heavily on that plus side and she'll need something more than a Bird flying around on the negative.

If you are religious, I would use this opportunity to explain about how your religion looks upon having sex before marriage or homosexuality. Why you feel she should wait until she is emotionally ready to devote herself to someone for the rest of her life. Don't make it about you and your boyfriend (none of her business) but instead make it a general conversation about sex.

Eight is not as young as it was. In today's society, by 6th grade they are shaving, talking about condoms in schools, and being offered cigarettes or drugs. Many have older siblings who talk to them about making out and being popular. If there is any advice you wish to impart, besides just wear a condom to be safe, now is the time to start spitting that out. If you wait much longer, her friends will have given her all the advice she needs. Which as you know--is not nearly enough!

This is not a one time conversation. I'd make sure you mention it again when you see stuff on tv, when you suspect her friends are having sex, and talk about the impact this would have on her future career plans. Just remember--as ackward and stressful as you see this conversation, she doesn't. It's just another thing to her--something like driving a car or drinking alcohol, that teenagers do on tv --something you can do when you are older. Good luck!

Answer 2

Start off by maybe asking her would you like to have kids when you're older hunny? If she says yes tell her that when a man and woman love each other so much ( it's important to emphasis the love part) they want to have a family together so they have sex to get a baby . Then just be honest say that the man puts his bits into the woman no need to explain anything else yet! If she has any questions just answer them , she might ask how does that get a baby tell her that the man will get seeds in him and when he has sex with a lady he loves alot he puts some of those seeds in her and she becomes pregnant. It might be a good idea to explain with dolls. Theres some good books you can pick up from you're local library and bookstore read them together so it becomes a special time for you both , you don't ever want her to feel like she can't ask or talk to you about this stuff.