Im the baby of the family and now im 18...My oldest sister is 32,and I have a 26 and 24 year old sister and 21 year old brother.All of my sisters have had children at a young age..I learned from them how hard it is to raise a child along the way...I just got married 2 months ago..And now people are trying to pressure me to have a baby..My sister said im selfish saying I want to wait to have a baby...And,others are saying so when is the baby due and different remarks like that...Why is it when you just get married everybody start implying you should have children??It shouldnt be considered selfish or odd to want to go out with your new husband and have fun...
2007-02-21 07:27:24 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yeah Im 18 and hes 21... My husband and I said we were going to wait at least 5 years and then see when we get there,if we are ready for children.Right now were still getting to know each other to the deepest depths,and we are enjoying life as a young couple.
2007-02-21 09:27:07 · update #1
Don't listen to the pressure. You and your husband should have a baby when you are ready. This time when it is just the two of you is precious.....don't underestimate the value of the foundation of love you two are building right now. Simply tell your family you love them and will not listen to ANY baby talk, until you and your husband are good and ready. Enjoy this time together.....and just laugh off all of the when are you due crap. Good luck, and stay strong
2007-02-21 07:34:08 · answer #1 · answered by Jiahua D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mother gave me very wise advise and to this day I live by it. She said, "Let other people run their mouths but YOU run your business". If you and your husband are not ready to have children then don't start having them. I have often wondered what people mean when they say you're being selfish if you delay or decide not to have children.
If you eat all the ribs or chicken or stand in front of the TV so no one else can see it that's selfish. Your deciding to wait to have children is being selfish to whom? You just got married. Take some time to enjoy and get to know each other before you bring kids in the picture. God forbid, but suppose your marriage doesn't work out? Aren't there enough children in the world who are innocent victims of broken homes and parents who can't the sight of each other? Do these same people have any idea what that does to a child?
Are these same people going to be there nights when you desperately need sleep but can't get it because little Johnny or Emily won't stop crying? Are they going to be there to deal with the runny noses, raging fevers, measles, chicken pox, and whatever? Has anybody said to you, "Here's $10,000. Put this away for Jimmy's college fund?
I'm assuming your sisters would lend you a hand now and then but that's not 24/7 and that is what raising children requires. So until or unless you and your husband feel that you are financially AND emotionally ready to have kids turn a deft ear to all the yap flappers. That same wise mother also said, "Live and enjoy life. Travel, party have a good time while you're free, Have children when you don't have anything else you'd rather be doing". She was right. In hind sight, I wish I had listened. Don't let anyone pressure you to do anything you're not ready to do. I wish you much luck.
2007-02-21 15:59:05 · answer #2 · answered by Arleen J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girrrrlllll... having a baby is a decision between You & your Husband ONLY! Don't allow family, friends or freaks to influence you or make you feel bad about the choices you make. You are an adult & can make those decisions on your own, with your husband. Because that's who your decisions effect ultimately. You don't have to follow suit & do what they did. Be original! Waiting to have children is NOT a selfish act in any way shape or form. It shows your bright & intelligent! Not everyone who turns 18 is ready for a full fledged family. As long as you & your husband is in agreement to waiting to have children, then wait. Just tell everyone else who's pressuring you to just step back & stop stressing about when you're due. When the time is right, they'll know when you're due. ;)
2007-02-21 15:40:05 · answer #3 · answered by its_me_horses 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OMG!! I know exactly how you feel. First it is the "when are you getting married?" question and then the "so when are you having a baby?" I have been married for a year now and I still get that a lot. People don't realize that you have plans, you want to first live with your husband and enjoy your time together. Since our marriage we have done some traveling its SO much fun! HAVE FUN ENJOY YOUR TIME TOGETHER! Your not being selfish just SMART! Look at it this way, I always say they are just jealous because we have fun and they don't.
DON'T LISTEN TO ANYONE!
Enjoy your time together then you will know when your ready! I
2007-02-21 15:36:54 · answer #4 · answered by *jA* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely agree. Don't have a baby yet, your marriage is just starting and you need a good foundation. There is nothing selfish about that. One reason that they might consider it selfish is because they envy you and your freedom. Once you have one child, there is no going back. Not that you shouldn't have children, but you're only 18 and only 2 months into your marriage.
If you're very comfortable with your family or whoever it is who is pressuring you I would just tell them that you're not ready to have kids, that it's a big responsibility and for your future children's sake, you want to be ready. Then, let them know that you don't want to talk about it anymore. There is nothing selfish about that, in fact I think that is the most unselfish act that one could do; to look out for their child's future.
2007-02-21 15:38:54 · answer #5 · answered by Go Bruins 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why people do that either. My mother in law has been pressuring me to have a baby since I got married, which has been almost four years ago. You don't have to have a baby just because people want you to. You have a baby when YOU are ready, no sooner. It is a big responsibility and you and your husband in my opinion need to atleast get past the newly wed stage, because having a baby so early in a marriage can cause a lot of problems. Just enjoy your new marriage. You and your hubby just need time for you guys right now!!! I wish you luck in your choice!!!!
2007-02-21 15:38:09 · answer #6 · answered by bree g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think anyone should expect a married couple to have children at all. That is a decision you and your husband should make. You should never have kids before you are emotionally and financially ready to support them. If you and your husband want to go out and travel or just spend time together in whatever way, then you should do that. Congrats on being married and congrats in advance for whenever you decide to have a baby :)
2007-02-21 15:37:04 · answer #7 · answered by Green-eyed Nikki 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not alone. My signature was barely dry on my marriage license before people were asking when I would be starting a family. My husband and I waited a while before we had children and it was a great decision for us. Take some time for you and your husband before starting a family. It does not make you selfish. Only you can decide when you are ready to start a family. Don't let anyone push you into a decision you are not ready for.
2007-02-21 15:35:23 · answer #8 · answered by navy wife 1996 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not listen to them.. i repeat DO NOT listen to them ur to young to even be married let alone to have children,.. its true and one day if u wait till ur in ur mid twenties to have a child, u'll be greatful u didnt listen them because u'll look back and realize that 18 is way to young for such responsibilities your a child urself, ur still a teenager, even though legally ur an adult.. your still a child, trust me u'll agree about 10 years from now..
I married at 18 and had 2 children back to back right from the start, at 23 my husband left me and our two children.. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEE wait.. because ur going to do alot of changing between now and 25 .. and u should have a "secured" life in place or atleast on the path to a "secured" life before you bring children into the world.. so dont listen to those people that want u to have children right now, they are being idiots even suggesting u have a child at this age.. and ur marriage needs time to grow, u need to wait and give u and your husband time to yourselfs to grow as a couple before bringing children involved..
2007-02-21 15:41:39 · answer #9 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you have 2 options, have children now and enjoy your retirement young or have them later and be an older parent. I started very young, I was 16 when my first was born and 23 when the baby was born, I am now 46 and a grandmother of 2. I am young enough to enjoy the grandkids and often get called their mother. The "baby" and I enjoyed his highschool years. We bought motorcycles and road the town. It is your choice. In your later years, you tend to apreciate that they are older because as you age you will lose some of your patience. Untimately, it is your decision.
2007-02-21 15:57:02 · answer #10 · answered by It's Me 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋