I recently became the sole breadwinner in our household. We have no children and my husband has agreed to stay home. His role is to focus on homemaking. He was a dept store clerk and I am a lawyer. When we have children, he would be the stay at home parent, so it makes a lot of sense.
Anyway, he has been doing a good job. However one problem is dinner. Every night he is calling me up asking me what he should cook for dinner. At first, I gave him instructions on what to make. However he is doing the grocery shopping, so he has a better idea on what to cook.
I've told him several times I need for him to step up. Today I blew up with him on the phone. I explained to him that meal preparation is HIS responsibility and I expect him to plan as well as cook (and clean up after) the meal.
Was I wrong to put this expectation on him? Was I wrong to finally snap?
2007-02-21 07:18:13 · 22 answers · asked by Claudia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
1) He was asking me what to cook. Pick out main dish, veggies, etc. He was putting the entire meal plan on my lap. It wasn't like he was asking me "what I feel like having?"
2) I don't cook because it is his job now. He is home all day. I will cook on a weekend or day off.
3) We both agreed it was best for him to build up his skills in cooking and housework before adding childcare to the equation.
2007-02-21 07:29:14 · update #1
Why is it emasculating? I know I shouldn't have raised my voice, but housework and cooking is NOW his responsibility. I'm debating how much he should assume ownership.
2007-02-21 08:54:36 · update #2
The bottom line is that you are right -the meal planning, cooking, and clean-up is his responsibility. He is the HOUSEHUSBAND. If the tables were turned and you were the HOUSEWIFE nobody would be batting an eye.
I'm assuming you had an emotional outburst and not a "chew out" on him. Everyone is entitled to sometimes let off some steam, but make sure you show him respect.
2007-02-21 11:40:23 · answer #1 · answered by L.A. Scene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, your not wrong but you need to back off a little. I ask my fiancee what he wants for dinner, usually in the mornings so I can lay it out or put in the crock pot since we both work. When he is off and I work he'll call and ask what I want laid out for the meal. I think what he needs to get him started in meal planning and food preparation is sitting down with him on the weekend and writing out a list for him, like a grocery list, at least until he gets the knack of it on his own, right now I'd say he just wants to please you and is not thinking about it getting to you. My daughter has a 12 year old that gets home from school before she gets home from work, his responsibility is to come in and do his homework, if he's hungry she has snack food available. Well, the first week of his new responsibility he called her cell and said I am home and I locked the door when I got here, 5 mins. later he called and said he was a little hungry and ate an apple, for he didn't want to ruin his supper, another 5 mins and he called and said his homework was harder than he thought and would she mind if he called his teacher and asked some questions (she had told him previously no phone calls) another 10-15 mins and he called and said he finally got the hang of it and hoped to have it done by the time she got there, another 15 mins and he called to see what time she thought she would be home because his homework was about done and he was getting hungry again and didn't want to ruin his appetite. Well, this was about how the first week went. The second week she blew it and told him if he couldn't make a few decisions on his own he could stay in SAS (after school babysitting) from now on, it hurt his feelings for he really thought he was just being considerate to her and not thinking it was bugging her at work. Since then they have worked it out and he is not calling her ALL the time.
2007-02-21 07:41:13 · answer #2 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was not wrong for you to snap. We all do it. Now you just have to fix the problem. First since your situation is working out is seems that deciding whats for dinner seems to be a very small problem. But I know an annoying one. You should sit down together maybe on a sunday or the first of the month and make a meal plan for the week or month. If it helps him and saves you a headache then I would give it a try.
2007-02-21 07:40:31 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) He was asking me what to cook. Pick out main dish, veggies, etc. He was putting the entire meal plan on my lap. It wasn't like he was asking me "what I feel like having?"
My wife does this to me all the time. You have to help him because maybe he doesn't want to screw up the one thing he feels he is responsible for. Imagine if he cooked something and you came home and said "WTF is this I wanted Blah blah" How do ya think he is going to react.
2) I don't cook because it is his job now. He is home all day. I will cook on a weekend or day off.
There is nothing wrong with that however recognize that I cook 3 days a week for my wife because I love her and she sometimes needs to do other things. Realize his day isn't so easy as it seems.
3) We both agreed it was best for him to build up his skills in cooking and housework before adding childcare to the equation
Yes but your bitching at him isn't helpful. Helping him develop time management skills and organizational skills is important. He might not have those skills and you might. So help him for heaven sake he is after all your husband. Honestly the way you talk its like he is your slave. ( I know most men talk the same way and its disrepectful!)
2007-02-21 07:43:07 · answer #4 · answered by kyrie_eleison_gr 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I would not mind my wife calling me to ask what we should have for dinner, it is quite nice to know that she has it under control.
I would say that blowing up at him is not the answer. He needs your support. He is concerned about what you want to eat. He does not want to get it wrong. My wife is a great cook and when I cook I sometimes get nervous that I am not doing a good enough job for her. Unfortunately, she helps fuel that sometimes by making negative comments that make me less adventurous in the kitchen.
Perhaps the best thing that you can do is to let your husband know how much you enjoy his cooking and that his meal choices are very good. By giving him encouragement he will feel more confident in selecting and cooking the meals.
Take care,
Troy
2007-02-21 08:16:22 · answer #5 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that not only are you the breadwinner, but you are putting too much control over this man to perform exactly as you want. Obviously he was checking with you probably because of his desire to please you, which I think may be difficult. You stated that he has been doing a good job, then why did you go off on him over something so minor. I think that if you tell him in a positive manner, without stripping him of his manhood then you will get better results. Try buying him a basic cookbook for starters and if that does not work then tell him that he does not need to call you about dinner because you trust his judgment. You would be surprised how far positive reinforcement can go.
2007-02-21 07:32:13 · answer #6 · answered by myleshunt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are wrong entirely! Meals are the WOMAN'S responsibility.........(Since the beginning of time)
It is your job to stay home and cook, clean, laundry, kids and all of those things.
Support your husband in something like college, So he can be the main provider!
It doesn't seem demanding, but house wife or "house husband" is tough! So, lighten up and don't expect so much if you are going to chose to be the "breadwinner"!
Does he really have a choice to so something else other than what you ask, tell or expect him to do!
It sounds like you are making him earn his stay and that is.......Well Good Luck
2007-02-21 07:33:39 · answer #7 · answered by candy192111 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you're not wrong I can understand that after awhile he's calling all the time get irritating. I'm sure he just wants to make something that you would like to eat. Why don't you buy him so cook books and tell him to surprise you with some of the recipe in the books. That should keep him from calling you so often. And you will be surprise on try different foods. Call back and just let him know that you still love him it's just sometime those kinds of call is irritating.
2007-02-21 07:29:50 · answer #8 · answered by honeybunny 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should get him interested in a meal preparation or cooking class, or make him watch the food network. This stuff does not come naturally to some guys, so work with him. I don't think you should have snapped, he was probably just trying to make sure that you wanted the same thing as him for dinner.
2007-02-21 07:24:22 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dinner issues is no reason to blow up and snap on a person! He is a man and that says it all. Usually woman are the ones to be a home body not men, try sitting down and talking to him calmly about the situation and not blow up...You werent wrong to put the expectation on him he offered to be a stay at home husband then he should be able to take on all the responsibilities however this is just my advice and i think it was a little wrong to blow up on him for this....
I hope it all works out well for you and good luck!
2007-02-21 07:28:11 · answer #10 · answered by Kasja 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋