My huband has never cheated on me or anything like that, but we have one major problem, he will not buck up and find a better job. Money is tight and it takes both of us working to pay the bills. I currently lost my job and the time that I have gotten to spend with my two year old has been wonderful. I don't have a babysitter anymore and I have worked everyday since I had her. Ican see a lot of improvment with her since I have been home. My husband has had a lot of oppretunitys of a better job, he has even turned down promotions withen his current job that would more than double our income. He has worked at the same job and the same position for almost ten years and its like he won't do anything to better himself. I have threatened to leave him, talked to him, cried I don't know what else to do. It's not that I don't care to work, but at this point in time it's almost impossible.
2007-02-21 06:56:24 · 15 answers · asked by jla 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What is with women who marry a man and then want to change the rules of the game afterwards? I think you are morally wrong to expect him to change, because you married him as he was and still is. If he was good enough to marry, then he is good enough, period. If you don't have enough money for bills, you have two choices: cut expenses or go back to work. You are selfishly wanting to have your cake and eat it to, all at your husband's expense.
2007-02-21 07:02:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
well it does suck that there is a kid involved here. first of all you should never get a divorce just because of a money problem. problems like this will get better. these promotions that your husband was being offered... where they jobs that would entail him to be gone a lot? would he be missing quality family time if he took these jobs? there HAD to have been a good reason for him to have turned down these other jobs. maybe he is just to content with what he is doing to want to move on, and that is not a bad thing. if he is having a good time with what he is doing than he should not have to get a new job that makes him unhappy.
really i think it is time for you to get a job. even if it is just a part time job or on call. maybe you can work a graveyard shift? your husband can not be expected to bring in all the money it is not possible now a days.
maybe you can put flyer's up around schools and see if any kids need a babysitter. that way your child can interact with other children and you can be making extra money, and you can stay home with your kid all at the same time!
2007-02-21 07:07:24 · answer #2 · answered by play hard 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really love him you will not get a divorce over this..you should try and make it work. Maybe you could get a part time job..this would mean more income (even if only a little it would help) but you would still have time with your daughter. Your husband needs to sort out his priorities. He should be putting you and your daughter first and do anything for you. If he is not willing to listen to you, get someone else to make him listen and make him choose and make him a better provider. Councelling could be a good idea but could also be problematic. If your husband refuses to listen to you, will he even go? Also unless you can find free councelling it is quite expensive. I suggest speaking to a close friend or relative who knows you and him and can see what your family situation is like. I hope you can find a way to work this out and because too many families are being broken and it is not good for the children. Good luck..x.x
2007-02-21 07:22:27 · answer #3 · answered by calchesterton 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it is pretty selfish of you to threaten to leave him because he chooses not to take a better job. It might be a better job to you because the salary is higher, but it doesnt make it a better job. Maybe this "better job" would take him away from family more, or maybe the person he would report to is a jerk. I understand your frustrations, but if you chose to stay home with your child(this is admirable) then you need to see what you can do to help. Could you get a part time job? Could you work from home?
You say it takes both of you working to pay the bills, so do it. Do I regret not being a stay at home dad, sure, do I regret that I can't afford to make enough money so that my wife doesnt work and we can pay all the bills, sure i do.
We all make sacrafices, but I certainly dont think sacrificing your marriage because of your disappointment over his status in life is appropriate. Seek both financial counseling, and psychological counseling (if you feel that you cannot put aside the pettyness of your argument), but continue to love each other for who you are not what you want him to be.
2007-02-21 07:13:58 · answer #4 · answered by finished 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I once had the same problem - I worked for so long, so I understand you. I even got laid off - got 9 weeks of pay with my unemployment checks and he was like - when are you getting another job?!!! So I did get another job and I left him! LOL - looser! Yep I still had to work but I get a flexible job and spent more time with my daughter - she was a teenager by the time I got to do this. So your options? Well if you leave, you will get child support, possible spousal support -and maybe you will still have to work. Option 2 - see if he wants to see a councilor and maybe you can find a job where she can go with or work from home.
2007-02-21 07:23:47 · answer #5 · answered by Rosie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People spend almost 1/3 of their lives at work, so it's best to stick with a job that you enjoy. To "better yourself" doesn't mean you have to work a depressing job for more money.
You sound like you are being spoiled and don't want to work. What's wrong with taking a night-shift job? You could work security or retail.
2007-02-21 07:15:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you leave him you will have even less money and will not be able to stay home with your child anyway. So I don't see how that will help.
Don't know why he would turn down promotions, but maybe if you can get him to talk to a therapist, you can figure out the reason and do something about it.
2007-02-21 09:30:00 · answer #7 · answered by growing inside 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least he has a job! My Ex wouldn't find a job and he barely watched the kids when he was home! So, be happy he has a job. Maybe he loves what he does. If you get a divorce it won't be any easier for you it will be even harder and it will be hard on your child.
2007-02-21 07:11:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-02 12:26:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like your just in it so he could pay all your bills. That is not how marriage works. If you really loved him why the hell would you think about leaving him over a money situation....Ever marriage has its hard times whether it's personal, financial ect. If you really love him then do not divorce him over this.
2007-02-21 07:55:07 · answer #10 · answered by Kasja 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋