What do you do if people don't want to change?

Question

If you go to family therapy together and someone doesn't want to change what do you do?

Answer 1

We need to ask ourselves:
- Why do we want them to change - is it for them or me?
- By judging them, are we making it harder for them to change because it is effecting their self esteem ?(if we keep telling someone they are no OK, they will think they are not OK)

While there may be some aspects of their character you are struggling to relate to, tell them what it is you love about them, their good qualities. By telling them they ARE OK will build rapport, trust and respect which will improve the outcomes of the therapy work.

The purpose of family therapy is to work on the relationship. It does not necessarily mean that there is something wrong with just one person, otherwise they would be having individual sessions.

Answer 2

in understanding people you need to understand the process of coping or dealing with issues.
you start in a precontemplation stage: this is where you really dont now that there is a problem and it really isnt an issue.
Contemplation : this is when one does know about an issue, there is no going back to pre contemplation after this, once you know there is an issue, you will alway know about it.
Action: once a person knows there is an issue, the next step for them is action to understand a deal with the problem. many people have an issue with change, and many people need ample time to facilitate the change. understanding this, you will need to be patient! if the person thinks the problem is really an issue, they will work on it.
Maitanance: this is when you have dealt with the issue and you continue to work through it, doing everything in your power to keep yourself from going back to the previous action or issue.

If all these issues with your family have just surfaced, it is going to take time, not only to deal with the issue, but to complete the change. DONT give up hope, and pray for the other person(s) involved. if in the end you find that you feel there is no changing for this person, make this ok for you, make sure how you feel is known, thats really all you can do to take the pressure off of your chest and make it better for you.

Answer 3

You cannot change them, you can only change you. That is a fact you must accept.

If you are trying to "help" someone else change, you are looking at the wrong person.

You are angry at them for not being what you want them to be, so you point out what you see as their flaws. How is that going to "fix" them?

If it is you who has the anger, not them, then it is you who needs to change.

How was it decided it was them that needed to change, and not you?

If constant lack of acceptance puts them on the defensive they will fight against change as hard as they can.

Who is deciding a 2 person issue is the other person's fault?

Let your expectations go, and be more accepting. You will learn a lot about yourself.

Or let the situation go and make yourself happier.

Answer 4

don't change for them either, if they aren't willing to help, then why should you. What good is going to therapy if no one is going to do their part?

Answer 5

honey you can't change anyone it's left up to them to do the changing.It has to be in their heart in order for them to change in the first place,if they don't want to change you have to leave it at that.I know from experience I've been there and done that before.I wish you luck with this.

Answer 6

Unfortunately, you can't change people, you can only change the way you react to them.

Answer 7

If they won't change you can change or you can leave

Answer 8

then it's time to move on.

Answer 9

worry about yourself, not other people.