Should I be offended about what my husband said to me?

Question

When my husband and I started dating I drank and smoked cigarettes and WE partied alot. When I found out I was pregnant (PLANED) I quit smoking and drinking. And lets say the partying jas pretty much slowed right down. We are married with 2 kids and I still don't smoke (it's been 3 years) and I;m not much of a drinker. The last time I drank was on New Years Eve cause we had a babysitter.
We can't afford to get a sitter ofter and pay for drinks and a cab home, But he wants to be able to do this with me. He goes out on his own alot but says he would likeme to come too.
I guess it just doesn't interest me much anymore.
Anyways...he resently said to me that I'm boring. Should I be offended? I like to stay home with my kids and feeel that I don't need to drink to have a good time but he does. what should I do?
We love each other very much, he just wishes I was who he married.
Any opinions?

I can't believe I got so many answers so fast. I just wanted to let everyone know that he's a good man. He stoped alot of the partying when we had kids nad he's a great provider. He just wantsme to let loose once in a while.And I should but I hate the thought of leaving my kids and being drunk. I hated being drunk.

Answer 1

I disagree with most of the other answers so far. He is NOT in the wrong, he is telling you that he wants his WIFE back, the woman he married. Heaven forbid you might have to put yourself out there for a night or two, dress up, go out partying with your husband. For crying out loud, YOU SHOULD be flattered that it's YOU he wants to go out with and not some other woman. Plan a date nite, take the initiative. Line up a baby sitter....instead of dinner, cab and partying, get creative....do appetizers, if someone else is driving, have some of his favorite wine ready for him while you two are primping to save $$$, find a place that has dancing/pool tables, something....and FLIRT with him, touch him, tease him, smile at him a lot....make the night about him, and I promise you, you will have fun, and not only that, you will be putting forth energy and effort into YOUR marriage, not simply doing something you'd 'rather not' do. PULEASE....if life were simply about doing what we only wanted to do, nothing would ever get done. Don't you think you owe it to him? You should apologize to him, and show him that YOU ARE STILL that same fun, sexy woman. You don't have to do it every weekend, start out slow.....find creative ways, inexpensive ways, ways when the kids are sleeping. I promise you, you'll both be happier.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear that. You sound like you have your priority straight. That's a good thing! We as women, tense to mature a whole lot faster than men. Your kids are important to you, nothing is wrong with that. Your husband on the other hand have to except that he's a father now and can't hang out and drinks all the time. He need to tend to your needs and the kids. I really don't think you should be offended by what he said. He's only saying that, because he's probably missing that part of his life. He did always invited you out, but yet, you chose to stay home with the kids. These are just some of the things we call responsibility. I know that totally blows. My advices, why won't you guys drink on the weekend at the house, once the kids goes to bed. This way, you'll still spending time with your husband and still tend to you kids without having to leave the house.

Answer 3

I wouldn't be offended. You have your priorities in the right order, and if that's boring who cares. I used to party all the time and now that I'm a mom, most of my friends don't talk to me much anymore and think that I'm boring but oh well, I'm a hell of a good mom and that it so much more important. I can understand that it hurt your feelings coming from your husband, that should be the one person that understands why you are not the same, but there's nothing you can do at this point to get him in the same mindset as you. What I would suggest is that if you need to have more of a social life, have bbqs at home with a couple of friends, buy a dart board and have a few drinks, but nothing out of control. I will milk one drink the whole night because I'm uncomfortable being intoxicated around the kids but we still manage to have a really good time. Good luck!

Answer 4

It seems there are two issues. One, you say that you can't afford it and therefore that in itself makes your decision for not being interested. Two, you don't say anything else about what you do together as a couple, besides going out to the bar.
No offense but staying at home with the kids is honorable but it can get quite boring and not all that fun. Couples need to do something together on a weekly, if not daily basis. Find something you both can do and get out of the house (it will benefit everyone including you and your marriage). If you stop doing anything with your husband he'll stop asking and he will find his own kind of fun, without you. Money should never be the reason, it just depends on what your ready to sacrifice.

Answer 5

Seems like this is a discussion that should have been talked about/resolved before having children. Unfortunately for your husband, having children usually requires doing the family thing and putting the party lifestyle on hold. That doesn't mean that you two couldn't go out and have a good time...it does mean that those good times will be a little less frequent, however. Relationships, in my opinion, require a little one on one time away from the children, so my wife and I like to make sure we have a babysitter and go out together on our own atleast once (maybe twice) a month. Talk to him and let him know that, as a responsible adult, going out for drinks can't be a daily routine, but planning out something for the two of you together could become a habit.

Answer 6

How you feel , you already know the answer to that. If you feel hurt I think I can understand that. How does it make him feel to say things like that? Does he have regular drinking buddies? Is he capable of going out and coming home when you expect him? Does he go out to get drunk? Does he come home drunk? Is there a history of drinking in his family? Do you think that he can give up drinking from time to time and work on getting to know you and the children in a more sober frame of mind ?. Do you think he is an alcoholic? Would he be offended knowing that you posted this question on the Internet? I think you are more than the person he married. You are the Mother of his children. I think the answers you seek are best answered by someone more qualified. Good luck.

Answer 7

It's a shame that there is no rule book about "marriage" and then again for "married with children". Lord knows we need one!

I can feel the frustration from your post. For that, I'm sorry.

Offended? I say... no, he may have said it out of frustration for his desire to be with YOU. What you both are doing correctly is talking about issues between you. Well done!!

I would say that you are the girl he married. With children, your priorities and responsibilities have changed.

I would continue to talk, even consider counseling. I'm sure you have health insurance, it can help with the counseling.

You can your husband can do things that don't cost a ton of money. Do you have a friend who can sit with the kids, how about a family member? Make a trade with a neighbor, they watch yours while you go out then you watch theirs so you can go out.

When you go out. Go for a walk, picnic, short movie and then a walk. Your goal should be to spend quality time together. I would make it a priority.

Now, that is what you can do to accommodate your husbands. You should request that he spend time with you can the kids. Even all of you reading in the same room, play a game. Then ALL clean the room. The family will see play time and work time. I would request that he help you do something. Like laundry, cleaning up after the kids, cooking. This is another way to spend time together. It's work but it work that has to be done.

Appreciate each other, and love one another

my very best to you

Answer 8

You have put your family first, and he apparently hasn't I would go to marriage counseling, and talk to him about it. So if he goes out he is spending the money that could pay for a sitter. If you want to go out but don't want to drink then what you can do is say okay if you don't go out all the time, we would have money to go out as a couple. I wouldn't be offended, but you say that he just wishes you were the one that he married, has he said this?? If you have two kids, and working and such, then you are being a great mother, and don't let him pull this sort of stuff. Plan once a month to have a sitter come in and you and him can go out on a date.

Answer 9

The party girl is who he married and obviously enjoys. You said that he is a really good man and has cut down a lot on his drinking. "Needing to drink" to have a good time is a problem but I'm going to allow that this is an exageration of the truth.

One of the biggest problems married couples encounter is that as that they become distracted by so many things like money, the job, the kids... and they loose touch with the person that they married. 10, 15, 20 years go by and they find that what they have is more of a roomate than someone that they love.

Investing now in your relationship will pay massive dividends later. I'm not saying that you should go out and get drunk but you should go out with your husband and do some things that he enjoys. If he sees you really enjoying yourself doing things with him it will help to draw you closer to each other. He, of course, should do things that you enjoy as well, like staying home enjoying a quiet evening.

Everyone's idea of fun is different but if you want to see your golden wedding anniversery you are going to want to invest in the relationship now.

I hope this helps.

Answer 10

You're lucky that he still wants to include you - lots of men feel as if they've been pushed out by their children and this can be the first small step towards wandering from the path. So my advice would be to try to find a way to make it work before he stops asking. Can you join a baby-sitting circle rather than paying for a baby-sitter? ask around at your kids' school, there's bound to be one or two. You don't have to drink alcohol when you go out together - you can stick to soft drinks or a spritzer. If you let him choose where you go a few times, then surely you can suggest that next time you should choose going somewhere that interests you?

I'm not advocating being a doormat, but I think that you should value the fact that he still wants you to go out with him - he wants his wife and his girl-friend as well as the mother of his children, and maybe he feels that he isn't seeing enough of the first two.