I was recently in the hospital for several days. After staying with me in Emergency Room and seeing that I was settled I told my husband to go home and get some rest. I asked him to bring me some personal items the following day before he went to work (he was due to be at work at 1230pm). He said he would be. The next day around 1130 am when I hadn't heard from him I called home and left a message. The day went by and around 800pm I still had not heard from my husband, he go off of work at 530pm, so I called him, he answered and I just asked him if he could bring me the things I had asked, he said he was on his way. From our house to the hospital it is a 5 minute drive. By midnight he had still not came by nor did he call. I had passed the point of being upset, I was hurt and scared. My MD earlier that day said one of the tests I had indicated I may need to have a very complicated surgery. I was hurt because I was all alone, and my husband had not called or come by to see how I was doing. By the next morning I still had not heard from my husband. My best friend had called me late in the evening and I asked her to call my house to tell my husband I needed the items. I also called security in my apartment complex to go by my house to leave a note saying I needed him to call. When I still had not heard from husband I sent an email to my parents, my husbands parents, my sister and two of my best friends and asked them if they heard from my husband to tell him to call me. At this point I was so hurt, but I was also concerned about him I couldn't imagine him at least giving me a call. So finally my husband came by and brought the items I told him about.
Now this is not the first time that this has happened, over last two years I have been hospitalized several times. I just don't understand how to get him to understand how his actions (or lack of action) affects me and what it is doing to our relationship.
2007-02-21 05:58:39 · 8 answers · asked by Babydumplings 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the items I asked my husband to bring really became irrelevant at a certain point. What I really wanted was him to be there a little bit so I wasn't alone. Where we live now in VA we have no family, we just moved here so we really have no friends here either. I have known my husband for almost 15 years he is not bothered by the hospital. It is not that he brought items the next day. what the problem is, is that for nearly 48 hours I did not even hear from him at all, he did not call even to ask me how I was doing. I just needed some support, I was scared. I eventually found out I didn't need surgery and I could go home. I had to stay an extra day because I couldn't reach my husband and had no way to get in house. I don't understand what is behind this. I guess what bothers me is at a time when I need him to be there the most, he isn't.
2007-02-21 06:40:16 · update #1
You bring a new definitition to the words needy, clingy and co-dependent.
He brought youthe stuff the next day... so what's the big deal? If you had the time (and energy!) to call half your town, email, nag and call security, then you ain't in no critical condition that would prevent you to send someone else or get them yourself from the Hospital store. You just needed to feel valitation and pity from your spouse... I feel sorry for him.
If those itemes were so "urgent" someone else could have brought them to you. It seems that he knows all your guilt-trips and is fed up with them.
Good luck
2007-02-21 06:04:49 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After you have received the proper medical treatment and are on the road to recovery you and your husband need to have a heart to heart talk. I can tell you from personal experience that for some men hospitals terrify them. My husband is that way. He literally will not enter a hospital unless he is carried in (except for the birth of our children and he wasn't even the one who brought us home, my mom did). But that and funerals are the only times he is like that. Is your husband inconsiderate at other times also? This could be a personality trait that he needs to work on. Perhaps counseling would help. Your husband could also be having difficulty dealing with your illnesses. Men react differently to stress (he may be terrified of the possibility of loosing you) or he may just be a terribly inconsiderate person. Either way you need to find out what causes these incidences. Being unaccountable for for hours at a time is not a good omen. What is your husband response when you ask where he's been and what he has been doing? Again, seek a good therapist, or your church pastor for counseling to work on these issues. If your husband won't go it may still benefit you to have someone to talk to. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-02-21 06:08:18 · answer #2 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is showing total lack of respect and concern for you as his wife. If I were you I would really look deeper at what is the cause of him being so insensitive. Is there unresolved anger he is feeling for you? Could he be occupying his time with someone else? I know how difficult this all must be for you especially during a time when you should be concentrating on getting well. As I have said, he either has deep rooted anger and resentment towards you and by avoiding you it is his way of getting back at you. Or, he finds you medical condition hard to handle, therefore avoids you. Or he is putting spending his time doing something else as a priority over your feelings. Either way, you will have to see what it is. It appears he has learn-ed to take you for granted and disregards you in the most upsetting way. At this point, I would not even be concerned about the items you asked him to bring to you, but with the fact of how he shows to care so little. I do hope you find a solution to all of this. Best of luck for a quick recovery!
2007-02-21 06:10:30 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe he is like that. Well actually I can. Years ago I had a broken wrist with a cast. I also had an 8 month old son. My husband never took the time to help me. I would have to change my son's diapers and carry him, clean, cook, even shower without any help. Another time I had a surgery in which I was not suppose to drive, he wasnt even there for me. Even while being in labor with his children, he wasnt there. I finaly got fed up and put my foot down. I told him he needs to place more importance on my needs and be there for me if not he was out of my life. Years later he helps me more and if I need something he comes through. I think it will take time but you do need to talk to him. Have you told him how you feel? Communicate.
2007-02-21 06:16:25 · answer #4 · answered by cocoa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
where the hell was he? If he has done this repeatedly its time to let go of the relationship. He knows youll let him get away with this behavior so why would he change. when the cats away the mouse is playing. do you need that when your in a hospital facing god knows what - the last thing you need to be worrying about is this uncaring man.
2007-02-21 06:10:11 · answer #5 · answered by sugar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked where he was? Some people can not stand hospitals and he might be one. Getting to communication on where he was and why. If he is clear on his phobia on hospitals then at least there is a reason
2007-02-21 06:06:17 · answer #6 · answered by Confussedhere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're doing all your da*est to justify a arranged marrage/slave society! incorrect...! and by no skill call your self a sensible mom! in case you have been you have been sensible sufficient to have left that god forsaken area of the worldwide befor becomming a slave your self! i know the certainty approximately you and your perspectives! And wish others will after whats in worldwide information monday approximately what realy is going on there!
2016-09-29 10:29:44 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him. Explain that you were scared and needed his support... basically say everything that you have said on here.
2007-02-21 09:45:00 · answer #8 · answered by growing inside 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋