My wife and I married and she seemed to be fine with my kids at first and she has a daughter from a previous relationship. As time went on, she’s jealous of the money I give my ex. Wife and the things I have to do for my kids while expecting me just to accept a daughter she’s had with another man as my own and for me to do everything for her daughter. She resents everything I have to do with my kids and expects me just to take on her daughter as her own (her daughter’s father never has even seen her). I keep saying that if you decided to get child support from her dad and stuff then you wouldn’t be jealous of the money I have to give my ex. (she didn’t because she wanted total control). She also doesn’t like the fact that my kids are raised differently than what she wants with their mother which I have no control over. It’s like she wants my kids totally out of her life and to me just to raise her daughter the way she wants. I’m getting extremely frustrated and she won’t even listen to reason or see that she could have money as well but she chose not to. Seems like she’s got a case of the suppose to’s or picked the wrong guy. I almost feel like telling her to go find another guy that will just accept all her baggage. I don’t mind accepting hers if she accepts mine. FYI she’s also jealous of my ex. Wife even though I can’t stand her which she knows. What do I do?
2007-02-21 05:47:45 · 11 answers · asked by golf4everdude 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So, the grass wasn't greener on the other side, uh?
2007-02-21 05:51:26 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have been married now for almost 15 years. We each had 2 kids. We went to a marriage counsler before we were married and never lived together. The 1st five years were a serious challenge but we both went into it knowing it would be. Come on you're talking about two different households with different rules and ideas for raising children. I guess although I understand your frustration, I don't see how you could possibly be ready to thrown in the towel after a few months. Sounds like some of the problem is that the lines of communication have definitely been disconnected and I suggest you work on that through some serious counseling. It will definitely help you in the long run. It also sounds like you like putting his kids down, who by the way had no choice in choosing you for a step-mother and are probally acting out because of it. #1 you must calm down! Lots of people go through and feel the way you do but you've got to approach the sitituation when you're not so angry. Get help now so you can understand each other and get a better prospective on how to raise your family TOGETHER. If you don't kiss this marriage good-bye. Good Luck!!
2016-05-24 03:08:53 · answer #2 · answered by Elizabeth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your wife isn't jealous of your ex-wife. Maybe it's the fact that she 's nosy and mad because she don't know exactly what is being discussed among the two of you. Yeah, Yeah, the discussions are about the kids, but we all know that some discussions lead to closed chapters being reopened. a woman that marries a man that is divorced will always think that there is a possibility of him and the ex doing it again...if you know what I mean. As far as the kids....that's a whole diffrent story. No you will never abandon your kids and yes you have to do things for them but sometimes, the ex can be very manipulative and make up extra stuff for you to spend money on, leaving you without enough resources to provide a happy home and or spend money on your new wife. If yor wifes daughter has never seen her father....but you suggest to her that she could get the same thing like your ex...Cmon buddy...first of all, your wife doesn't want to open up healed wounds, the man wasn't there from the get go. Why even include the dead beat dad in your topic of discussions with your wife? He's not going to pay, then she'll be complainig to you about that. So maybe thats why she isn't going thru the hassle of trying to force him. I don't think that your wife wants you to care for her daughter and her daughter only, I think that she wants you to be as close to her child as your are to your own. As far as baggage, you got waaaayyyyy more than her and if you that freakin tired of her and her tote bag then move on with your 5 peice luggage. Did your ex tell you that the new wifey is jealous? Things that make you go hum
2007-02-21 06:18:59 · answer #3 · answered by toonice 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a stepmother and second wife with a child from a previous relationship so I do understand your situation. The both of you should accept each others children as part of your family if not as your own. The children should not be treated differently because of who belongs biologically to who! If you are married and alienating her child with things you do with your children and vice versa that is wrong and unfair to the children. They did not ask for the situation or cause it. As far as you paying child support she should be happy that you are not a deadbeat and take care of your children but you married her knowing that she had a child and that her father was not in the picture you should be there for her child as well as she should be there for yours! That is what families do. Her not going for child support b/c she wants complete control is irresponsible on her part as a parent. As far as i know paying child support has nothing to do with who is in control of the child. Both of you need to accept each others children and she needs to get over your ex, obviously you have! FYI if you are referring to baggage as the children involved stop! They should not be thought of as baggage. You need to seriously sit down and talk this out or you do not even have a chance and all you are going to do is put these kids threw more drama then they need! Good luck!
2007-02-21 06:25:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal for her to be jealous of someone else that you had children with. I used to be that way with my husband's ex, but only because he was that way with mine. As for the children, she has to accept them as a part of her family. We have 5 boys altogether - 2 his 2 mine and 1 ours. It is not easy to be fair but from the very beginning we have treated all of the boys equally . We both are frustrated with how his ex raises the boys (one is kind of a mommy's boy and cries over everything while the other one was put on ritalin by his mother because he acts like a BOY.) but we do not take it out on each other. We act as a team. These boys do not call each other half or step-brother. They are BROTHERS. They love each other. Maybe you need to focus on the relationship between the siblings and make her feel needed in helping you raise your children when you have them. As for the money, that is her problem. I hate seeing child support go out every week when I am not getting any (but that is because my kids dad is a deadbeat). I appreciate that my husband is helping to support my kids and am proud he makes his child support obligation a priority. I knew he had to pay for his kids when I met him and will continue to pay for at least 11 more years. She needs to grow up and if she chose not to get financial help from her ex, that is her problem. How would she like it if you treated her daughter bad because he DOESNT pay? She sounds very selfish to me.
2007-02-21 06:49:19 · answer #5 · answered by Tink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, first you knew when you married her ahe had a daughter and she knew the same about you, both of you need to do a little soul searching, the kids just want and need you love and support, but as for the money, you should pay for things that your wife and her daughter needs. I am a mother of 3(4), I am the second wife, but here is how things work, all three of you need to get together and talk things over, I know it sounds stuip but it can work, the blened family is just that, all of you need to work the kids in together , family is a powerful thing, and for you two to be spliting hair is crazy. For the jealousy part, it is hard for anyone man or woman to know that their partner is talking or even friends with the ex because they know details about you,and you need to understand that and maybe if you would show the same respect to your new wife and her feelings things could get better, but she needs to know that she can't remove your children or take over their everyday care, but I know that it takes alot of love and attention to make a marriage work and that is without all the extra issues of an ex and kids, It sounds like you'll jsut living in the same place but not really a family its hers and mine, when it should be ours. It was hard for me to take up with being a mom of 4 small kids at the time now they are all teenagers, but I know that I just couldn't remove my husbands son and his ex, my life is more joyful with all the ex-tra love in it.
I know that my family loves my husbands son just like the rest of my crew and I love him jsut as I love my own, Good luck.
2007-02-21 06:06:18 · answer #6 · answered by eeyore6838 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
isnt this something you should have discussed b4 u two got married ? I mean my word this is a big issue. You guys need family counseling please seek some . and the kids need to be involved too . How does she act around the kids when you are not there ? have you ever asked the kids ? does she work and make money ? if she does then I dont understand why she is jealous . Maybe she feels as though you dont have enough money for your household while supporting another one at that . Have you talked to her about this ? Seems to me everyone needs to sit down and talk about these issues.
2007-02-21 05:56:58 · answer #7 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her to realize the feelings she has for her daughter...would she give her up? would she stop caring for her or supporting her? Then I would tell her that just as she would not want to abandon her daughter you do not want to abandon your children. Children are precious and deserve to be given a fair deal in life. Your children have already had to deal with a divorce and now she expects you to just ditch them? That is ridiculous!
2007-02-21 05:58:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump her. She's a jealous, self-centered witch who is going to harm your children's sense of wellbeing. Put your kids before your new wife. Tell her to "go find another guy that will just accept all her baggage"- you made a big mistake. Don't make your kids pay for your mistake.
2007-02-21 05:57:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
look just tell her but you know you knew she had a kid before you even before tou married her if you would try to except her kid then maybe she would try to except yours maybe you could take her kid out when you take yours if you want to be a family then so be it but its not like her kid asked to be pushed aside and you need to explain that to her and the same for her she needs to give a little and think if you wanted to be with your exs then they would not be exs would they dont she know that good luck maybe she is not sure who her kids belong to who knows
2007-02-21 06:04:22 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha Ha
2007-02-21 06:13:59 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋