Should I let him be right now?

Question

My boyfriend has been feeling quite low and stressed these days. He is looking for another job. He still works full-time, and in the evenings and weekends, he spends his time applying for jobs and trying to plan his career as he is not happy with his current job. We are in a long-distance relationship. I saw him less than 2 weekends ago, he came to see me. He explained to me that his situation is hard these days and he said he needs some time to focus. We are in contact and today he sent me a message letting me know about his interview. As much as I am trying to be supportive and I am trying to give him the space to focus, I really want to tell him that I would like to see him and if we could plan something. But at the same time, I don't want to make him feel like I don't respect his need to concentrate on his job right now. Is it a good idea to ask him or should I let him be and wait until he suggests for us to meet?

Answer 1

How far apart do you live from each other? And is it possible for you to go visit him? I would say to him, something along the lines of...
"I understand you are focusing on your career right now and I think that is wonderful. It shows me how dedicated and hard working you are. But I miss you! I was wondering if we could plan for me to come visit on a weekend sometime, I don't want to be a distraction but maybe you could use a little break from all your hard work"
Im sure he would LOVE to see you, and by telling him you recognize how hard he is trying and saying you don't want to distract him from his job search, you are being respectful of him yet still telling him how you feel

Answer 2

it sounds like you're a respectful and considerate girlfriend.
if he says he's stressed with his job then he won't be feeling himself. its a tragedy that a lot of us put more time and effort into jobs we dislike than our relationships. long distance is never easy, ive been there and wouldn't choose to do it again. however your separation at the moment is a benefit in many ways. if he needs space he's getting plenty of it, although he needs thinking space as well as physical space. this may mean its not a good idea to suggest seeing him for a while. there's no problem in telling him that you would like to see him, but that you can see hes not feeling up for distractions from what seems to be his current obsession. he'll snap out of it eventually. try to focus on making yourself happy for a while and wait until he comes out of this stressful phase.

Answer 3

Long distance relationships seldom work. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. It makes people look in other places for what they are missing.

In a time when he should want and need your love and support the most, he is pushing you away, he wants to be the one to decide when your relationship is on or off...

I don't know if I would be comfortable giving anyone that kind of power over the relationship while I sat around waiting to be important enough for him to call.

I guess you need to ask yourself how long you are willing to wait for that call.

Answer 4

its acceptable that he needs to concentrate on his job, but when was a job the most important thing. he cant push you aside like you dont matter, he may be improving his career but his love life is going to badly suffer. explain you respect that he needs a little time but dont be afraid to ask to see him, you are part of his life and i would imagine if he loves you a bigger part than searching for a job

Answer 5

Violet let him work it out himself it will give him a wider space and when he's ready to get together he will get in touch you bet you sound a good person and he no doubt is quite aware of that. you wont lose him just let him get sorted out