Why does it hurt so much?

Question

My Mom past during the holiday's last year of breast cancer and I can't even think of her for a second before my body and soul starts to act up, I try to be tuff but I just can't, I just feel so alone on the subject, I try to explain it to people I trust and love but I feel like they are not even listening to me, I don't know what to expect from them or even know what I am looking for I just wish that there was something there to make me or even distract me from the pain I'm feeling, I am trying by paying more attention to my kids and my grandson but sometimes it gets to me because deep inside I feel that she is not here to share the moment with me or them. Please share or enlighten on the subject.

Thank you guys so very much I am going to find the way to happiness through family, friends, grief and the time needed to heal, God bless everyone.

Answer 1

You don't want to distract yourself from the pain, you need to deal with it or it won't go away.

I haven't lost a parent, but I did lose my grandmother some time ago. I find that it helps me deal with the pain when I go to where she was buried, or to her church, and talk to her. I know she may not hear me, but it still helps give me some closure.

Try to remember her fondly so that her memory draws a smile rather than a tear. Don't try to ignore or forget her.

Answer 2

It was last Easter that I lost my mom. The previous January, my wife lost her dad. Boy, but sometimes life can be a bi tch! And all too often, nobody wants to hear about it. That's not meant as an insult, it's just that almost none of us is prepared for the loss of a loved one and we've made no preparations for that eventuality. We're frankly afraid of facing the inevitable loss and so we ignore it when it happens to others.
You can't do much of anything to ease the pain. The only cure is time. As time passes, the pain will become less - but you will never be entirely free of that sense of loss. Do not be ashamed of having to step back now and then and examine your grief - but don't be afraid to reach out, either. That grandson will need a kind, loving hand now and then; figure out ways to make him laugh and show him a good time. You don't have to obsess on that, but I'll tell ya from personal experience - it is a wonderful distraction. And you can feel even better knowing your Mom would definitely approve. Can't you just see her looking down from wherever she is and clapping her hands to see you enjoying the grandson? Look harder; she's there and she's doing just that!
Time, my friend, time. Time is the great healer. Be patient...

Answer 3

The pain you are feeling for losing your mother is a normal response to grief. When we lose a parent, no matter how old we are, there is always feelings of being orphaned. After all, a parent was there and became a part of our life from day one.You need to allow yourself time to grieve. You might want to look into some support groups where there are people there suffering through a similar situation as you are. This way you can find the understanding you are seeking. Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

I am sorry for your mother passing. I understand your pain, what I don't understand is why are you short changing your children and grandchild. How? You say? You are so comsumed with the death of your mother that your children and grandchildren are not get 100% of you. Look, I lost my mother and 21, i was half way around the world, in the military, came home, was home for 30 days when she past and had to go back half way around the world to my duty station. But I looked at the death of my mother as a blessing. Yes a BLESSING! Because I would not want her here suffering and prolonging her pain and suffering just so she would be around and present in this world longer. I also look at it from this point of view, I am glad I had my mother in my life for the amount of time she was here, because some people don't even know or have a mother. Beside your mother is YOU, Me? Yes you, part of your mother lives in your heart, mind, soul, your being has your mothers spirit is in you. That is how your honor your mother is by loving the ones around you and stop being so selfish with your love, give the love that your mother can no longer give, give that gift of love to your children and grandchildren, she would if she was here. Oh yeah, forgot to tell you that I lost my father and 14, and now that I'm approaching 40, I look back and thank my mother and father for the love they showed me. One more thing, within the past year I lost 3 siblings, all middle children, (38,40,48) (2 sisters and 1 brother) Again I am glad I have had these sibling in my life for the amount of time that I did, some people don't have a brother or sister. God has be a powerful force in my life and has showed me love and that he can heal all pain and he will never leave our side. I have come to realize maybe this event in my life is preparing me for something greater that I may have to deal with that might be equal to or require more spiritual strength to get through it. So this is how I honor my mother and father and siblings, but giving the love that they can no longer give to my family and show there spirirt still lives, but it lives within me. And that I share this spirit through me with my family and friends. God Bless and Good Luck.

Answer 5

It a process of life we all must experience.
Sorry, to hear of your lost. I do not think there's a time limit on grieving for your love ones... just remember all the great times you had with her. If you have pictures of her, put it up and make sure your children remembers what a lovely woman she was...
taking to ppl or great friends about your grieve sometimes work but there's always that feeling that they are not listening and only there for show of support because that's something ppl do. It's okay to speak to her. it's okay to tell your kids of the good times. it's okay to cry, whenever you feel like it.
You will never get over the lost of your parents but in due time you will come to understand she made room for you to showered your children with the same love she showered upon you.
I do believe your parents may leave this world and with that in mind they leave with the utmost knowledge that they left someone very special behind to carry on their legacy.

things will be brighter soon...

Answer 6

it hurts because have lost someone u loved and who loved u. the pain is actually a friend it will help u get through it. better to face it than to bury it, if u buried the pain it would only come back to revisit u later on. just live a good life by being a good person and know that mom is not suffering anymore. it is us left on earth who grieve, who miss, who regret, who suffer, but she doesn't suffer now. my own mom passed a few years ago, but she was suffering, actually it hurt me more to see her unable to walk, laying in a bed, her life nothing as what it had been, than it did to see her passing. i knew she was in a better place, and wasn't confined to some hospital bed anymore. so grieve, cry do it, grief is needed, it is actually healthy for us. helps us in many ways, although it is painful. it is perfectly normal to grieve, if u did not grieve there might be something wrong.

Answer 7

My mom passed away 16 yrs ago around the holidays. I still start to act up at times when I think of her or the things she missed. In time you will learn to accept the fact that she is gone but, I do not believe that anyone gets over the loss of a parent.

Answer 8

My mom passed just before christmas '05.. a massive stroke that she just couldn't pull out of.. I took caare of her until the end. I know how hard it is. and as for the other people in your life... don't be too hard on them.. they still have you, and until they lose a parent they won't understand.

I still talk to Mom. In the kitchen.. we spent so much time there together... My husband doesn't even ask me anymore who I'm talking to anymore... lol
She and our daughter were the best of buds.. always together.. it just about broke my daughter when she lost Grams... and now my daughter is prgnant with what would have been Mom's first grand-daughter... But as I was telling Mom the other day, while I was making breakfast.. they have decided to name the baby after Mom.

My daughter was talking to her nephew.. our grandson (8 yrs. old) and he said.. Grams would be really sad not to know about the new baby... my daughter told him that that was his job.. since he was a big boy and he knew about Grams.. it would be his job to tell his baby cousin all about Grams. so he's been working on a scrapbook allllll about Grams for the new baby.

Maybe that would work for you.. work on keeping your mom alive for your grandson.. fill him with memories of her.. go through old pictures and label the backs of them.. who is in the pictures, where the picture was taken...when it was taken.. Make your Mom's life memorable for those that are too young, or that might forget her.

We found all kinds of wonderful things of Grams.. old powder boxes (bath powder) perfume bottles (odd shapes) WW2 tax disc coin things... we put the "guy type" things together, and the girl type stuff together, and made shadow bowes for each of the grand kids.. something to remember Grams by, each has her picture in it.

Good Luck & God Bless

Answer 9

My mother passed also and I had similar feelings. I grieved continually for about two years. I had to put my thoughts and energy into my work to help me handle the pain. It's now been 29 years and the pain is still there only it's not as tough on me as it was. I rationalize it this way. . . My mother is still alive in my heart I am succeeding in life as she groomed me to do. The fond childhood memories I would not trade for anything in the world. So many teenagers on Yahoo Answers say they hate their mothers or fathers. They too will realize just how important their parents were to them after they pass on. Unfortunately they don't understand as we do what our parents mean to us. God Love You and keep your mother in your heart and she will never die. She still lives. . ."WITHIN YOU."

Answer 10

The pain you are suffering over the loss of your mom, is devastating, but, your mom brought you up with love and kindness that will help you through this trying time. Mom's are like that, empowering their children with a piece of themselves to carry on.