My boyfriend of 10 years..I know this might sound crazy..But..He is always controlling my every move..We have been in a relationship off and on for 10 years..We have a 6 year old daughter together..and the very reason why we are not married because of his controlling ways..He is always wondering were I'm at and calling too much telling what to do and what not to do..Bascially trying to contol my life..We don't fight but we argue alot..He never cheated nither have I..We live in seperate house's..He have his own place and I have mine..He want us to move in together but I just can't because of his controlling ways..I'm finally want to end this and move on but I want because of our daughter..He is the type that will not be in his daughter life if we are not together..She loves him dearly..I know he will leave her if were not together because he done it before..The story goes on but I'm going to end it here..What should I do? Should I leave him once and for all.
2007-02-21 04:20:11 · 28 answers · asked by goodies100 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I think everyone's advice was great and it's hard for me to choose a best answer so I will have to put it in vote...Thank You everyone for the great advice..It really helped.
2007-02-22 04:21:14 · update #1
Tell him EXACTLY how you feel!!!
The communication between you two is really bad...
2007-02-21 04:23:27 · answer #1 · answered by ( Kelly ) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Controlling, demanding, and moreover he is not going to be there for your daughter if you did leave him. So whats the point, if his daughter is really not so important, and he can just walk away whenever it fancies him, or whenever you guys have an argument ?? Your daughter is important and her growing years are much more important. Lets say you did subdue, and considering your daughter you lived this guy, would you really want to see your daughter go through a tough time seeing both of you ''argue'' (fight, is also a relative term), and then eventually he is going to be controlling your daughter too. It will wear on you, you'll be emotionally drained, and obviously you'll become absolutely dependant and a puppet in his hands.
Move on. Leave him. Thats the best to do. Your daughter will definitely understand when she comes to a certain age. Give her so much love that she wouldnt miss anything. Its better to give her a life where she can grow into a woman with her own individuality, than for the sake of her initial sadness you go and live with this man.
Good luck
P.S. And if ever this man comes around, make sure he comes back on your terms ONLY. Nothing more, nothing less.
2007-02-21 12:35:18 · answer #2 · answered by arya 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie you need to move on and don't worry your daughter will be better off without him. It will be his lose and trust me you will find Mr Right who will love you and your daughter and give you space. why would you put up with this for ten years. I am very surprised things haven't gotten worse for you. What ever you do never let him take away your independence. Once that happens it will only get worse for you and if you really love your daughter don't let her see this happen to you. I know that these are just words and in the end you will do what you really want but listen to your brain and not your heart. Please I am a stranger in your life but I am begging you look in the mirror and ask yourself is this what or how you want to live for the next 50 years? Life is beautiful and good and you have a beautiful daughter that doesn't need someone in her life that really could care less. In the end it will be his loss when one day your daughter has someone she can really call daddy. Someone who will always be there for the good and bad.
2007-02-21 12:34:45 · answer #3 · answered by Jan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to me, i've experienced this first hand and i'm telling you from what i've learned. IF this man is controlling your every move , and your questioning your happiness, it is obivious that you are not happy with your situation, and if what you are saying is the truth, you need to do what is best for you and your daughter, and frankly my dear staying in a bad relationship isn't healthy,for you or your daughter. YOU staying for your daughter's sake is deep down just an excuse for YOU, and you've gotten so acustomed to it that you dont even realize that it's only an excuse. Your teaching your DAUGHTER that when she grows up, she is bound to wind up with a controlling loser, who will probably hit her, and she will stay in the relationship for the kids sake because that is what you have taught her to do. IF you want what is best for her , dont do that.
I was living together with a man for 10 yrs. That was controlling just like yours, he would even time me when i went to the store! I put up with it at first for the kids sake, my second excuse was that i believed him when he said nobody would want me with kids, he was manipulating, and just an all around *** hole..i was sad, miserable, depressed the more the years went on. I wasted all my good young years to a relationship that wasn't going no where, by choice.. the stupidest thing i ever did was thinking that with time i could change him. OR That he would change. NEVER happened. YOU Can't change a person, like you can't change a lepards spots. HE will never get better.
Yes you hurt when your children hurt, and i went through that too. BUT in my heart i knew, that it was better to go through this alone and slowly let time heal my children and i, "WHICH IT DOES HAPPEN", than to let my kids see all the argueing and uncomfortable feelings it comes with another day. YOU Say you guys argue a lot, how the heck do you think it makes your daughter feel? PUT yourself in her shoes. I know she loves him, it's after all her FATHER, but if HE chooses to not be a father to her, just because you want out, that is his lose. Dont' you think your daughter deserves a father that will love her unconditionally, no matter what. BESIDES, he will never react to his actions, if you never give him a reason to do so. HE NEEDS a revelation, and by you leaving, "and i'm not talking about a week or a month, that is not good enough , i'm talking about a year or never coming back to him", for him to open his eyes, and if he doesnt... SO WHAT! He will be the one missing out, and guess what? YOUR daughter will appreciate YOU being by her side since day one.. nothing else will matter anymore then.
MY kids are now 12 and 17. We are so happy, because our house is peaceful, I've been seperated from this man since 1997. My kids were very young.. GUESS what??? THEY made it through, they are still alive and happy! IT's not the end of the world! They still love their father, even when he is hardly in the picture.. just like yours, he chooses to not be around them. And guess what??? The kids have grown to respect his wishes, and harbor no grudges because i never bad mouthed their father either.. you dont need to do that, because eventually actions speak louder than words. JUST instill good morals, and values and tell her that she should never allow a man to down grade her, and show her!! And she will be just fine!
GOOD luck!
2007-02-21 13:05:46 · answer #4 · answered by MOON13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is best to move on. I have been in 3 relationships the past 10 years and have learned alot from all of them. The last one was also very controlling- I had lived in her house and always felt that if I didn't do what she wanted that she would throw me out- and she eventually did. I did learn the hard way.
I would suggest making the break- your little one will be fine.If he wants to see the child-let the father see the child and spend time with her.Take your time and be cautious about stating a new relationship too soon. good luck to you
2007-02-21 12:44:56 · answer #5 · answered by brian g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to dump his sorry a** now. Now is that the kind of man you would want for your daugther? No would be your answer. Well you are already setting the example for her by being with this guy. Yes it not fair to your daugther if her father doesn't come and see her but it best she not seeing the abuse he doing to you. Make sure you have his SS number for child support because you are going to needed it. Hoping he will be willing to see her on weekends and you need to move and change your number if he's that controlling for your safety and hers. Why in the world would you have a child from this man knowing he was that way in the beginning, now she has to put up with it girl make better decisions next time and don't invest so much time on a man that abusive.
2007-02-21 12:33:18 · answer #6 · answered by honeybunny 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, 10 years gone, 10 years invested and it's the same thing day after day! People do not change, people grow like yourself and another 10 years is going to go by and your going to be in the same boat! Listen its his choice if he wants to see his daughter, it is just something he says to keep you around. A good man will take care of his kids and he will. You need to worry about yourself and make sure you, mom is happy. Don't let someone control your life. That is like living at home forever. If he has trust issues its cause ITS HIM>...not YOU....tell him to fix it with councilling or don't waste another day. You deserve to be happy and so does your kid.
Good luck. you are smart and you deserve the best.
2007-02-21 12:26:23 · answer #7 · answered by Maria K 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes...leave him. This has been going on for 10 years. Apparently he is not trying to change. Not even for his daughter. If you leave him and he decides he doesn't want to be in you or his daughter's life then thats him. That just means he's not man enough to take care of his responsibilities. You can do bad all by yourself. You dont need him..
2007-02-21 12:25:44 · answer #8 · answered by Sexy*Black*Chick 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop wasting your time on a controlling person.10 years is a long time,why waste another year?You'll be doing your daughter a favor by leaving him.If you stay,she's going to grow up thinking that it's okay to be treated like that.Do you want your daughter not to have any self-esteem?I know for a fact that you wouldn't want your daughter wasting 10 years out of her precious life with a loser.If you don't do it for yourself,do it for your daughter.Take Care&good luck.
2007-02-21 12:32:04 · answer #9 · answered by Ms Lety 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to be more concerned about the safety and well being of your daughter. You cannot let her see you get treated that way or she will think it is okay for a man to treat her that way. Being controlled is not cute or fun. I know that a guy I dated always had to know who I was talking to or texting but if I asked him he got an attitude. Just make sure you are happy because whether you know it or not your daughter knows when you are happy or sad and you cannot make anyone else happy unless you are happy.
2007-02-21 12:25:59 · answer #10 · answered by badazz_51 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
leave him and be done with it. do you want your daughter thinking this is the way a relationship is suppose to be . i would say he is not much of a man if he leaves his kid just because ya'll are not together. or tell him to get some help with his control issues
2007-02-21 13:11:41 · answer #11 · answered by janiebug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋