How to tell if guy wants to truly be friends or just trying to get in my knicks?

Question

I am happily married and have been for 15 years took pity on a guy where i worked and befriended him cause he has no friends,ten years older then us so thought he seemed safe enough plus he stills lives with his mum.Recently though he has said i look gorgeous and he happened to have 2 tickets to sugerbabes concert would i like to go with him his treat i could be wrong but thought that sounded more like a date.He has met my husband and daughters cause only time i see him is around my family didn't want to give him wrong impression. So i was honest with him and said didn't want to offend him but don't feel right doing anything like that with him as i'm married now he says i shocked and upset him and wanted to discuss with me why i felt that way so now i feel bad am i just being paranoid? HELP PLEASE

Answer 1

You've been honest which is all you can do, if it is a game to him maybe the shocked upset reaction was meant to guilt trip you.

You should (if you haven't already) explain this to your hubby show him these QnAs) so it doesn't seem all secretive.

As for knowing when a bloke is being truly friendly or just trying to pull without being cynical, I don't think we'll ever work that one out.

Answer 2

Don't feel bad. Family is more important. You're not being paranoid. Let's say he truly wants to be friends and isn't trying to get into you knicks. He must understand that there are boundaries to the friendship. The fact that he was shocked and upset, at the least, suggests he putting too much emotional stock in you. He's too close. Do you like the sugerbabes and does he know that? I just wonder if it's possable he bought the tickets to impress you. What he needs to do is expand is list of friends. He'll only do that if you are strong in your boundaries. Well done to you for handling it the way you have.

Answer 3

You sound you need a bit of help. I must be honest with you and say that i think that you're probably right to think he wants you. Paying a married woman compliments is fine but he should understand that inviting you out with him is not what married women do nowadays with other guys. It's a pity though 'cos I have female friends who I genuinely care for but I don't want them as anything more. I wouldn't ask them to go to a concert as it is sending out the wrong signals.Take care

Answer 4

I don't mean to sound horrible but if you've been married for 15 years and he's about 10 years older than you, what's he doing with tickets to a sugarbabes concert?
I think you were right not to go with him, it's always better to be safe than sorry, and you may have found yourself in an awkward situation that was hard to get out of.

Answer 5

Any bloke that much older will have ulterior moives!! If truly wants to friends will let it happen naturally and encourage your partner to be around with you as you part of each others life. if seems to be you on own then after the Knicks thing if want shim around you ok!! Suggest you ask to go for meal with hubby and friends see what reaction is state happily married and bit worried if a mate will say why worried !!

Answer 6

Sounds to me like he doesn't have many friends outside of work either and so attached himself to you - a friendly face. He's probably a bit paranoid and not sure about how to act either so in trying to become better friends with you, he's gone too far. I guess depending on how you feel you could agree to having lunch with him occasionally or something? That way you keep your distance but won't feel guilty about cold-shouldering the poor guy.

Good on you for befriending him though!

Answer 7

Coming from a guy's perspective, a single man is ALWAYS trying to get your panties. I used to be super nice to the ladies that maybe given the opportunity and the right circumstances she would give in. He is testing to see where your boundary line is set. You should close the door on his advances. Don't give him any hope that there would ever be a chance to come between you and your husband. If he wants to be friends at work, fine but that's it.

Answer 8

Sounds like a kid that got caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar. As long as you didn't call him up on it (and sounds like you did a great job of protecting your marriage), then he would have continued the escalation of the "friendship." But, once called on it, it appears he merely pulled the old-fashioned trick of turning it onto you. Now, you "did something wrong," not him. Don't internalize his issue. You behaved properly and he's just trying to cover so he doesn't lose his only "friends."

Answer 9

It sounds like you misjudged this man, easy mistake. I am glad you were honest with him now everyone knows where they stand. Just explain to this man that you value his friendship and did not want to lose it so did not want any misunderstandings. Tell him you aren't used to being asked out by men other than your husband, so found it unusual. Hopefully you can remain friends, at least now you have clear guide lines for your friendship, better that than worrying about if this young man is really lusting after you.!!!!

Answer 10

Now you know why this guy has Zero friends!

i have a lot of female friends but i don't go round buying tickets for them.

i'd stop seeing him outside of work, and just small chat with him at work, put a bit of distance between you and him.

i don't think your paranoid, but there are some seriously ill in the head people out there