What do you people think marriage is?

Question

I recently attended a 35th year anniversary party for a couple. A Lot of their friends were there. I just casually mentioned some of the things that people complain and divorce about lifke arguing and yelling and cursing and spouse flirting with ( or in two cases had a affair) and living apart for a while and they all laughed. They said that of course you go through that in a marriage. People are people. You don't expect to have perfect days every day. You get sick and you get tired and you get bored. But you hang in there, make your own happiness and things turn around. Maybe this next generation is expecting too much?

These people didn't seem miserable to me. I am sure that they have had their days.

Answer 1

I AM WILLING TO WORK OUT ANY THING BUT CHEATING. I THINK ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER. IF A PERSON TAKES A CHEATER BACK THEN THE CHEATER WILL THINK THAT THEY CAN ALWAYS CHEAT AND GET BACK TOGETHER.

Answer 2

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that a couple make to show their love and honor to each other. Very rarely is there a marriage without problems. Money, kids, work, and a lot of other things cause problems in a marriage.
If all these problems occured before marriage and a couple worked things out and still got married in the end, then you know there is love and commitment. But most people don't encounter these problems until after marriage.

Think of it this way, me and my fiance have been together for 5 years. Within the first year and a half we had twin daughters, and my fiance questioned paternity with good reason, as he is sterile, or was. The twins were his. At the time he was self-employed, and the money just wasn't come in like it should have been. While pregnant, I was put on bed rest at 5 months, so my fiance was taking care of me, his 2 kids and my 2 kids.
My children have mental issues that affect family life to the point where sometimes everyone just wants to run away.
After more than 5 years of money troubles, kids and alot more craziness, we are now planning our wedding. After being self-employed for so long, my fiance finally decided that I deserved better than what he was providing. He got a real job, with real benefits and went from not answering to anyone, to working 100 plus hours a week, just to ease the financial burden on me.
We went through alot to get to where we are today. And to know that we can both still have bad days and know that the other person will understand and take the time to try to make things better for the other is still amazing to me.
Will we have a perfect marriage, probably not. But I believe because we suffered through 5 plus years of problems that would make most couples think twice, and we are still together shows alot of love, respect and commitment.

Answer 3

I am 26 and my husband is 25 we got married right out of high school and immediately had our first child. We were young and naive and we sure went through a lot of fighting that first year. Not to mention the fact that we had the added stress of a colicky child. At one point I was ready to throw in the towel and just leave him but then after I took a long drive to cool down from our fight, I thought about it and realized our problems really aren't as bad as they could be and by running away I was only going to cheat all three of us out of the chance to have a family who sticks together through thick and thin, through the bumps and bruises, the mud puddles on the clean car..... I could go on forever! If we had no problems to conquer we would be bored! Now that is not to say we don't have fights and I don't think about the chance to be single and not have to compromise with anyone about how I live my life but I have learned that the grass is not greener on the other side, I would be lonely, and the little reasons we fight are just not worth ending our marriage. We have been married 7 years on the 26th and we had 2 more kids..... Let me tell you things sure didn't get easier... But the bond we have has gotten stronger..... I don't think I have told him that... I think I will!! Here is to many more years of US!
Cheating is ONE thing I will not get over, I am the product of a 7 yr. affair. Nothing good can come of it!

Answer 4

Once upon a time there was a thing called marriage. And marriage was considered a LIFELONG commitment to somebody. In those days it was looked down upon when people got divorced. But not today. Today people get married, have a huge reception, get tons of gifts to honor themselves, and then split after 3-5 years because somebody doesn't like the way the other leaves the cap off the toothpaste. And the sad part is that they usually wait until after they have a couple of kids before ruining their marriage and destroying their family. It all boils down to people not wanting to take any responsibility for their actions. It's always somebody else's fault. If you don't believe me, just read half the questions people post in here! NEVER their fault. Always somebody else's......

Answer 5

Your friends are right to a certain degree...what your question should be about is when is a marriage not worth saving...people no longer want to be any ones "possession" or "punching bag". They ask themselves if living with an alcoholic or drug abuser is a healthy environment to raise babies/children in. Is staying married worth working and raising kids and keeping a clean home and meals on the table just so the spouse can lay around playing computer games all day. As for putting up with a cheating spouse and their affairs, well due to health issues that abound today I wouldn't turn a blind eye to a cheater I would just as soon divorce them than take my chances as having STD's

Answer 6

Marriage is what you make it; the most difficult thing to do is to accept someone for who they are to even allow the idea of marriage to come up BUT even MORE IMPORTANT is you need to accept the person they will become! (in 1 year, 5 years, 30+ years, they (you) will be different at every single point)

I speak from experience, I've been married for nearly 2 years but been together with my wife for nearly 7.

Blame and the arguements are just "filler"; the true "content" and specific problem that ultimately drives people apart is are the changes that go on in all of our lives.

Answer 7

It sounds like all of these marriages experienced mild versions of the negatives that can happen in bad marriages.

They are able to say that people are people because none of them experienced outright cheating or yelling that they could not cope with or spouses flirting blatantly.

There is a difference between what can be tolerated from what cannot.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 8

It is a generation thing, back then people put up with infidelity, verbal/physical/mental abuse and just called it being "part of marriage". Today, we don't tolerate any of that and jump to get the divorces we deserve. I would say things are better now, we don't live lives of misery and stay together for the kids. We are more individuals and not so dependant on our spouse as they were 35+ years ago.

Answer 9

This next generation doesn't expect enough. That is why you have 23 yr olds that have been married 2 or 3 times. I love and admire the old school couples.

Answer 10

I have been married for 16 years....there have been days when we fought and days when we couldn't be separated.
All relationships have ups and downs...

But I stood in the church, taking my vows...and seriously listened to what I was saying....

'In sickness and in health', 'richer or poorer' 'TIL DEATH DO US PART'.

I can't just say "Whoops...didn't work out....I'll try again!"

I'm married to a wonderful man, who does have his faults...but I'm married for life.

Answer 11

Marriage for me is something very sacred,,It is something I've been longing to happen in my life