The guy is from another country of Africa. My family is asking me questions like: why did I fall in love with him when there are more guys in my own country. and I am kind of those ladies who are maily focusing on the career which made me chose not to have children. They are also asking what will I gain to love him if i am not gonna give him children. I have tried to answer them but they dont understand. please help me maybe i can convince them because i love him so much and I cant leave him.
2007-02-21 03:08:53 · 7 answers · asked by LOVELEYG R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
They may not be coming right out and saying it but if you are from the US, they might be concerned about what this guy is looking for in you. My ex sister-in-law fell for an African that she later married and he left her as soon as he got his US citizenship. I understand you may be intrigued with this guy, which is ok, but you also have to be a little extra aware that he may be in to you for a different reason.
Don't give up completely on your family. Just listen to what they have to say (you don't necessarily have to agree),and I'm sure you can figure out something. Without knowing all the details, that is what I have to offer. Good luck!
2007-02-21 03:18:22 · answer #1 · answered by onecharliecat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let's clarify this: Your PARENTS are asking the questions because they are STILL parenting you. If you are under 18, that's a good thing. If you are 18 or over, that's a bad thing.
The REAL issue is NOT convincing, answering nor justifying your choices. The true issue is what gives them the right to demand that you answer questions that they don't have the right to ask.
As long as you continue to try to persuade them that YOUR choices are good choices according to THEIR expectations, it will never end.
You are now old enough to make your own mistakes and deal with the consequences of those mistakes, regardless of their opinions.
You MAY one day regret some of the choices you are making now, but that will be your choice as well. You may even change your mind later on. You do not owe them an explanation.
Your family DOES have your best interest in mind, even if they come at it sideways. Let's look at this situation for the long haul:
You can be taken advantage of by men in your own country just as much as someone from another culture and country, so I have no bias against this gentleman.
Here's the key phrase: "i love him so much and I cant leave him". That statement is so thoroughly based in emotion and so little in fact that it does call your judgment into question. Let's think about how you can determine the motivation for this man. If you were to say to him that you love him very much but will not marry him, what would his response be? Under what status is this man in the United States? How much longer can he remain here in that status (without marrying you)?
The question then becomes: How much does HE love YOU? Would he ask you to come live in the country where he was born? What would living in his country be like for you?
You guys need to have some serious discussion that does NOT start with the assumption that you cannot leave him.
2007-02-21 03:19:36 · answer #2 · answered by Thomas K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your family is accusing him for you not wanting children. All mothers want to have grandchildren. Are you putting children on the back burner for your career or are you totally against having children? It is not natural for a woman not to want children at some time in her life. We feel like we are not a woman until we have a child. People forget that years ago many women were old maids and never married.
You may change your mind later and want children. He may even insist on children later on. We do not know the future. Your career can be gone in an instant.
It is easy to say I am grown and I don't have to live with my family, but the truth is we need a continual relationship with our parents. It makes for better holidays. And we want our parents to love and accept our mate. I really believe they are not accepting him because of what you are saying about not having children. They are blaming him and not you for this statement.
2007-02-21 03:45:35 · answer #3 · answered by Jeancommunicates 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't choose who you love and it is also your right to decide wether or not you want children.
The rest shouldn't matter.
My parents didn't like my boyfriend either when I first started dating him, but seeing how happy I am with him made them accept him. It's sad that they have to accept, but if it's what you want, they should be happy for you.
I'm still with my boyfriend and it will be 7 years in July.
2007-02-21 03:19:56 · answer #4 · answered by Twiztnin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes in life you are not understood by your family and friends why you make certain decisions or do certain things. You do have the right to control your own thoughts and actions and your path in life. Just tell them these are your decisions and you feel that you don't owe them any explainations as to why you have made them to please just be happy for you and accept your choices in life. Mention that you are not trying to be disrespectful but you hope they will accept your choices in life and support you in them. The why is only important to you, it really isn't their choice to be making.
2007-02-21 03:25:46 · answer #5 · answered by Cyn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are an adult dont worry about what they think. i know it is nice to have your families approval but it isnt everything.
2007-02-21 03:12:52 · answer #6 · answered by R L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you giving very little information
who are you first?
where from?
why no kids?
do that please and come back
2007-02-21 03:13:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋