MEN? Heavier Women at higher risk of infidelity?

Question

I have a freind who is with a very, seemingly, happy man. They have been married for nearly 5 years and though they have had times of struggle, they have always worked things out and seem to come out stronger.
However- She cannot overcome a hang-up that her weight puts her at higher risk for him to wander. He married her big and he fell in love with her big, so I tell her not to worry, but yet she still fears this regularly.
He's a good man who admitedly likes the "meat" and has never given any true cause for this concern.
-SO -
Is she right that being heavy puts her at a higher risk?
OR
Should she listen to me and trust that part of what made him fall, will make him stay "stray-free"?

My freind does have self esteem issues. I am also a meatier woman (not excessive, so's ya know) BUT, I am ok in my relationship and with myself so, that is where the difference came in and we got on this "hot topic".
She can't afford counceling, so what can I do to help her help herself besides just saying "you're gonna make it all happen if you don't stop it!" that's a little unfriendly and hard core for this girl :)
THANKS for the HELP

Answer 1

That's like such a complex and good question, I had to star it!

But like you told her, he fell in love with her that way and married her that way. He obviously loves her that way!

Her weight only put's her at a higher risk for health problems if anything at all. Being a married woman in general can put her at higher risk. But if their love is still strong, she has nothing to worry about.

Now if her weight is making her unhappy, I suggest she does what makes her happier and more comfortable with herself. If anything, losing weight should be for her and no one else. So if she wants to work out or lose a few pounds, go for it. Just tell her to do it for the right reasons.

She may actually hurt his feelings if she tells him she's losing the weight to become more attractive to him, since he likes her the way she is.

I really hope this info helps you and your friend out! Wish ya the best!

Answer 2

Im not a very big girl but WAS a little on the chunky side.. 145lbs, I am 5".5"... tall . My husband used to tell me then I was fat so I lost 18 lbs. Now he says I look skinney,he's crazy. My structure is somewhat smaller & delicate.. I think I look real good esp. 4 my age & having a tribe of kids. I think some men just r not satisfied . I guess thats why we r gettin divorced{ along w many other problems} I don't look my age at all & ageing has been ,by the grace of God, good to me.My weight has never lead me to seek someone else. She should be grateful you love her 4 her..

Answer 3

I don't believe that "weight" has anything to do with a husband or wife's infidelity. Anyone who blames their infidelity on their partner's weight is using it as an excuse. I believe other factors (maturity, selfishness, etc.) are more at fault.

Your friend doesn't need to listen to anyone but herself, she needs to work on her insecurity. Unless she finds a way to deal with her issues, she is never going to feel secure in her relationships no matter what anyone tells her.

If your friend's weight bothers her so much, there are plenty of places she can go for help in losing it. Personally, I would recommend Weight Watchers. They are reasonably priced, teach you how to eat "healthy" and offer emotional support.

Your intentions are admirable but this isn't something you can help her with. This is something she needs to do for herself. I wish her the best.

Answer 4

In a marriage there needs to be trust. If there isn't enough trust that she worries that he will cheat on her - then other issues are involved. Most likely counseling seesions would be good for your friend to help work out issues that are daunting her.

Sometimes - men site excess weight gain as a reason to cheat. I don't think it's an excuse - but if your friend's husband married her big then she shouldn't worry.

When one looks for problems - eventually they will find you.

Answer 5

If your friend keeps up the "I'm fat, you're gonna find a gf" crap, that's exactly what her man will do! He married her the way she is. Perhaps she is unhappy with herself and it effects her self esteem, but losing weight should be for herself, not for her husband. He would probably support anything that would make her happy. She is pushing him away so she can say "see? I told you this would happen" when she's the one making it happen. She's sabotaging her relationship big time. Godloveya. (oh...MYOB)

Answer 6

He married her the way she is and if he isn't giving any signs of wanting to change her than he is probably quite happy with her. It is important to sincerely remind her of this because sometimes people really need to hear it from someone else. Also, if they have a really close relationship, talking to her husband about her concerns can be an option.

Answer 7

men attracted subordinate women domineering women infidelity risk

Answer 8

I'm sure there are some long, complex answers to this question, but it really is quite simple. If she keeps him happy in the sack, he will not have a reason to stray...it doesn't matter if she's thin or fat, as long as he's happy in the bedroom.

Answer 9

Tell your friend that if she doesn't get a handle on her insecurities, she will surely be man-less. Do something about her weight if that is an issue for her. When you look better, you fell better.

Answer 10

Your friends fear is just plain doo-doo!

There is no higher risk for people/women who are overweight. Although, it is her own feelings of insecurity about her weight which could put a huge "wedge" in the relationship. Because if she feels that way, she may start accusing him. Once that happens, he may feel..what the heck, I am being accused of it..why not.