We've been doing this for the past 2 years on and off. So far its lasted 14 days, zero communication. Still sharing a bed at night. I'm 100% not attracted to him or have any friendly feelings towards him. Is anyone else going through this? I get the feeling he is happy letting things be as they are. Any thoughts of how to cope?
2007-02-21 02:16:41 · 11 answers · asked by ? 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We've been on this marry-go-round for a while. Talk is just that empty words that mean nothing. I understand about being the bigger person and stepping up to the plate and take blame for my actions. I want out of this situation and he is well aware of it. On the outside we seem like the perfect couple. How ironic is that?
2007-02-21 02:53:40 · update #1
It is easy to fall into this rut. It's not either one is happy in that situation, it is the fact the more time spent without communication the harder it is to communicate. Be the bigger person and SPEAK!...you will never find out the root of the problem without trying, when me and my wife go through this from time to time, as all marriages do, one of us breaks the silence, play the blame game, then end up really talking about it and working things out. Tends to end up in a passionate tizzy (hint)
2007-02-21 02:23:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh my gosh.I'm so sorry you're going through this hun. Are you married? If so, then try to work things out. Especially if there are children involved. This is a complicated issue that i doubt can be answered by total strangers. But i think the issues go deeper.You HAD to have been happy at SOME point!! Go back to that point, what changed, or WHO changed and why?? Was one of you unfaithful??If there is infidelity involved, then I think you should BOTH move on. Otherwise, let him know how much this is hurting you as a person, and as a couple.There has to have been SOMETHING that happened between you two that maybe you can't disclose to us, but whatever your decision, you need act fast. If it's been like this for 2 years and you're still there it's because you still feel SOMETHING towards him, even though you say you don't. Saying you feel nothing for him is just a psychological response to all of your pain. It protects you from any further damage if you convince yourself that you no longer love him.Therefore, if the pain is coming from someone you don't love, then it doesn't hurt so badly. Find a friend or therapist you can talk to while you sort out your feelings. It must be absolute torture sharing a bed with someone like that. I bet you cry almost every night. For the sake of your own sanity and well-being, make a decision. Either work it out or get out!! The sooner the better.
2007-02-21 10:51:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Based upon a previous question of yours, it sounds like he is fighting two teenage girls. You might have lost him when you started taking your daughters side and not his when they have disagreements.
Should you be her friend yes. BUT you are still her parent and so is your husband. This so sounds like you have adopted your daughters disrespect for husband and it is reflected in your total lack of continued marital input.
You are not at all attracted, You do not communicate, you don't have any freindly feelings toward him. The overriding question is WHY do you feel this way. Has he been neglectful, has he been abusive, did he blow his paycheck gambling, is he chasing other woman? What has he done to you that you feel this way. If he has not given you reason for this it would be between your ears.
Did you allow a teenager to sway your opinion of your husband?
Teenagers are really despicable creatures. They are totally self centered and have no concern for anyone but themselves. Did you adopt that attitude?
I think you will find that husband is shutting down because your total lack of attention and respect has gotten to him. Why would he attempt to try with a woman who admittedly has no friendly feelings toward him. Perhaps he is using silence rather than anger to deal with you. Anger leads to many bad things including
abuse. Is he happy living like this. I'd bet if you ask him that question he would say of course NOT.
You had better get to the root cause for your lack of feeling. At that point take a hard look whether you want to be married to this man. no one can tell you that answer. Please do not allow your marriage to die due to inattention. The alternative is difficult hurtful and will eventually result in your lonliness. How much support do you think your daighter will give you when she leaves for school or living with some guy in 5 years?
Something changed in your married life. You said it was two years ago. What was it and how is it affecting you today?
Because if it your daughter dealing with her father you have broken the Number one rule of parenting, parents agree on the course of action and provide a consistent combined front for the children.
2007-02-21 11:08:22 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you don't like it, change it. The first and most obvious thing you can do differently is to start communicating. If he doesn't answer, so be it -- at least you will be giving him information, getting things off your chest, and working through your thoughts & feelings. Tell him everything. Tell him why you're not attracted to him. Tell him why you lost your friendly feelings toward him. Tell him of your frustrations. And, tell him about your memories of happier times with him and what you loved about him once. Talk, talk, talk. You have the power unilaterally to break an iceberg!
2007-02-21 10:27:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If the honey moon is over & there is no communication left.Than you need to ask him to talk about working it out or going your own ways. Hope this helps.
2007-02-21 11:19:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
SO what's keeping you there if your not attracted to him anymore. Maybe he is happy just knowing your still there with him. Or he might just be liek you and is thinking about what to do. SO if your not happy hey leave and move on with you life. No need to stop your life in a relationship that is going nowhere.
2007-02-21 10:23:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Life is far too short to live it miserably. If there is any hope on your part try therapy - if not then you have to move on. Do not waste you life with someone you can't stand - be happy! Good Luck!
2007-02-21 10:24:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
How to cope?You are 100% as you say "NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM". Why are you still there.
2007-02-21 10:50:28 · answer #8 · answered by Monty L 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Been there... still am there. Sucks bad. Sorry
2007-02-21 10:21:51 · answer #9 · answered by happyblonde 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
simply move out and move on
it is your life---u choose what u do with it
2007-02-21 10:20:36 · answer #10 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋