Men/Women if you cheated?

Question

and REALLY regretted it and truley DO love your spouse...WHY? Why did you do it. Did you even think about the pain it could cause? And if your spouse was able to forgive you...have you forgiven yourself? How does it make you feel when you look at your spouse ad think about how you have made them feel? How hard is it to live with knowing what you have done? Was it worth it? Would you do it again? SERIOUS answers from people who have been there..PLEASE. I just want to know what your thoughts and feelings are. We always here from the betrayed about how they feel...here is your chance to let us know how you feel. Thanks!

For the record, I am not the cheater, I am the betrayed, I am just trying to see how he might feel even though I have forgiven him and am really trying to move on. I do not want to keep bringing it up to him, but would like to know how he may feel.

Answer 1

1. This is not an excuse- I did it because I was emotionally shut out and someone else let me in emotionally.
2. I was forgiven, and I have forgiven myself because we could not move and try to rebuild without both of us forgiving.
3. It hurts to know that I hurt him, but whether you believe it or not, he hurt me in a different way. I am sad to know that it had to happen for him to realize, for me to realize.
4. it is not hard to live with, the expierience was on to grow from and it (sad but true) saved us.
5. It was worth it. I'm not saying that to be cruel but what I would have lost (my partner because we were falling apart) by it not happening sounds worse than what I did. It took almost losing for both of us to realize what we had and what we wanted.
6. I hope that I would not do it again. And while everyone believes that I did it because I wanted an easy out, that is not the case.
I know that what I did was wrong, and I do not justify cheating but if you want to forgive and move forward with this person you need to find out the truth. Make sure they know that it is okay to tell the truth and that you want to work through this. Find out the real cause of the cheating and see if it is something you can work out and improve the realtionship. You have to ask yourself if what they have done is worth throwing all that you have away. You may believe that they threw everything away once they chaeted, but it's my belief that they may not have realized that at the time.

Answer 2

I love my companion,but I did it because it's hard to trust a young man.So to keep my heart safe I played a game and ended up getting hurt really bad when I put my all into him and he cheated on me.I thought about how he would feel but didn't care Men come and go but there came to a point when that love became stronger and felt really bad about what I've done.I feel and felt like ****.It's hard knowing you've cheated but when that person does I just call it even which is a bad way to think about things.It was fun for the moment but I would never ruin another relationship.Karma really is a B**ch!!!

Answer 3

His marriage was over looong before I came into the picture but you would definitely say I was and am the other woman. He left her after 37 years of marriage. Please don't say if I hadn't come along their marriage would have made it. He said he was only staying for fear of what the grown kids would say and it was such a habit of doing the same routine things every day but there was NO joy or satisfaction in most of the things in his life because he felt like he was married to his sister. Definitely no passion, no-one to share vacations with even though she went, he felt like he was by himself most of the time. He said the last two years besides his children have been the best years of his life and he's looking forward now to the rest of his life because he is happy now and he hasn't been that way in years. Marriage counseling didn't work for them and they slept in seperate bedrooms for several years before I came along. He couldn't satifisfy her in that department if ya know what I mean because after having kids her intimacey was gone but we have NO problem in that department. He's greeeeeat like Tony the Tiger. He did Divorce her and we are still dating and have been talking about our futures down the road but nothing cement right now but we only see each other and who knows where it will lead since we both wer'e in long term relationships. My past relationship lasted 24 years. Some people are better off with the one they left their spouse for especially if they were happier than when they we're with their ex-spouse. Trusting again must be hard for you but if you both are willing to give it another try and the passion is back then keep what you have because its rare to have that kind of love especially once that trust has been broken but it can be done.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear that you were cheated on. I think most people cheat because there is something missing from the relationship. That is my case. I am preparing for a divorce with my husband and I am in a relationship with our mutual friend.

I don't blame my husband--I actually blame me. I got pregnant a year ago and I allowed myself to be convinced to get married when it was far too early for me to do so. I think my current marriage may have worked if we would've taken things slower, but it's pretty much ruined now, I wasn't and still am not ready for this kind of commitment. I don't think I'll ever get married again after this--it just holds no meaning for me.

I do feel guilty because I feel I could have prevented this whole thing had I been stronger and not allowed others to influence me. I want my husband to be with someone who loves him, he deserves a lot better than me. I also feel guilty about lying to him about it, about hurting him--it isn't fair to him for me to stick around, you know?

Don't let your partner blame you for shortcomings. They always say, you didn't pay enough attention to me, you didn't have sex with me enough, you never talk to me. But ultimately, it is me--and them--that are to blame, not you. And that's the truth.

Answer 5

I have cheated and the living with it is a nightmare. I did it because of whatever needs were not being met, this was still no excuse, and instead of running, I should have confronted the issues more, I should've tried harder. But I didn't, I hate how I made my ex husband feel, I still hate it. It is very hard to live with, with me, but everyone is different. I would've never thought I would be the type to cheat, never. But never say never, you don't know ANYONE elses problems and feelings until you are where they are, and no, I still haven't forgiven myself.

Answer 6

Yes I have cheated and yes I have felt somewhat bad about it afterwards. But I did not always feel bad about it. The reason I cheated was because my first husband was not meeting my emotional and sexual needs at home. Hence, I found someone that did. This is usually the case with cheaters, in most cases, something(s) are missing in their marriage.

Answer 7

Ok..I am the betrayed as well. My husband has never given me the right answer, mostly because he could. It was available, exciting. But let me tell you...my husband cheated with my friend. I could just annihilate her, but she is a whore.

This is what my husband told me. He has easily forgiven himself, because he blamed everything on me, it was how I treated him. This was all my fault..because she was my friend.!

They don't feel any blame, they don't care. Everyone else is what we call "collateral damage" . He has lost custody of his kids, my divorce is going through, but yet he begs me to come back. Would I? No, because I could never trust him AGAIN!

Answer 8

Cheaters do so because they are not getting something on the home front....so they seek the something elsewhere...doesn't make it right...simply a fact...best (in my opinion) to end up in divorce as the other person never lets u live it down...time to move on and move out

Answer 9

Yes, a happily married person may desire to have sex with someone else. A happy marriage is about a lot more than just sex. One can be happy in a relationship, but still enjoy a forbidden thrill.

Answer 10

It sounds as if you were cheated on recently. I did cheat on my 1st & 3rd husbands...but only AFTER they beat me up several times. Why did I cheat? I didn't have the emotional or financial means to just GET OUT by myself. I needed a safe place to run to. 85% of abused women/men are killed AFTER they've left/filed divorce. No, I didn't feel bad. I wanted them to hurt as much as they had hurt me. I wanted them to feel the pain of betrayal. And I DID leave their azzes...believe me, they got ME good. My 2nd husband severed my back muscle off my spine; I never cheated on HIM...I had to divorce him before he killed me. Don't anyone think that the cheater in the relationship is such a _____. I realize there are ppl out there just for some "strange" but most ppl cheat for REAL reasons. NOT saying it's ok! I stay OUT of ppl's business when it comes to one or both of them cheating. What have I done to change? I went to therapy for 3+ years after that last one. (he beat me up so badly I could hardly walk for weeks, then it took 6 months of physical therapy before all the pain in my spine, hips & legs were gone) I don't ever want to be WEAK again. Cheating is a sign of weakness. Too weak to file for divorce/break up. Too weak or lazy to do something about the issue which causes a person to cheat.

I think you wanted to hear how sorry one is, how they can't live with themselves after cheating, how they could never look their spouse in the eyes again w/o horrible remorse or guilt...etc but the truth of it is, NO one is married or in a relationship with a PERFECT mate...you've made mistakes in your relationship...we ALL have. There are more than one reason a person cheats. Fear, lust, low self esteem, selfishness, neglect, anger, etc just to name a few...I am against cheating, it's VERY hurtful. I am stronger & more wiser for all the mistakes I have committed. Because of my past my future will be MUCH better. And if it weren't for my hard past life I wouldn't have made it to this point of maturity in my life. I realize now, after sooooo many mistakes, what it takes to make a TRUE & honorable relationship flourish. Cheating is OUT of the question, very very immature & pathetic. I was BOTH cheated on & the adulteress. How did I get over it/ get away from it all? DIVORCE, church, forgiveness and therapy is what helped me.

Hope this helps in some small way. I encourage you to find the courage to take care of your anger & do what you feel needs to be done about your own situation in order to deal with the hurt someone has caused YOU. I couldn't stay with a person who cheated on me. It's such a dishonorable & disrespectful thing to do, & that's coming from a reformed cheater! Remember, when a person cheats on you that is proof they do not respect you. If you feel you haven't done anything to take that respect from your sig other then your with a person whose not been taught humility, empathy, what it feels like to be respectable, etc. I'm strong enough NOW to LET a cheater GO! & feel GOOD about it. No getting even, it's a vicious cycle. Too much chaos...who needs it? Good luck!