Like Snow...
Your rosey smile in the night shone at me like a thousand stars,
It lit the room,
It lit my life,
Made something change and it felt right.
For once I didnt hold back
And you fell like snow into my heart,
Promised that we'd never part.
And that snow still lies there today,
A love that'll never melt away.
2007-02-21 01:46:58 · 9 answers · asked by Lindsay T 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
very good!
2007-02-21 01:49:16 · answer #1 · answered by livinia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's ok needs a bit of tweeking tough. it needs to flow a bit better. i think you need to carry the snow theme all the way through as you've used stars at the start. snow is a bit cold when i read it although it showed love the snow kind of suggests she's an ice queen or something. don't touch it for a few weeks go back and read it and then tweek it and it'll be grand good luck.
2007-02-21 01:53:21 · answer #2 · answered by Shannyn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really good !!...The only parts i would change are....
And you fell like snowflakes into my heart
Binding, entwining
Promising never to part...
And that snow still lies there today,
We share a love that will never, drift away......
(Hope this does not offend, rather...help you )...your rating...10
2007-02-21 01:59:34 · answer #3 · answered by ozzy chik... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You started out NOT rhyming, which was very encouraging, but then you fell back into a rhyming posture later in the work. Try again by being faithful to your first stanza.
2007-02-21 01:50:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good but nothing special. Sorry I just think it lacks anything original. Why not introduce a ravenous, over sized, man-eating slug? Variety is the spice of life.
2007-02-21 01:51:29 · answer #5 · answered by Lizetha 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
-2. Just kiddin'. It's alright I guess. Whatta you care if other people like it. Are you looking to get published?
2007-02-21 01:50:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well written but nothing original. All the metaphors are old and it's too straigh-forward.
2007-02-21 01:49:48 · answer #7 · answered by Dale D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great Very nice..Keep up the good work..
2007-02-21 01:50:17 · answer #8 · answered by tonygirl20 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
homosexual
2007-02-21 01:49:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋