To writters: Can you check my essay and give corrections?

Question

The issue of the 2006 Nursing Board Exam leakage didn’t disappoint anyone in showing how massive it can damage the Nursing Profession in the Philippines. This controversy is still alive after more than half a year since it exploded and things are not showing any sign of improvement. So how do we salvage the already fragile image of the Nursing Profession in the Philippines?

The Commission on Graduates of Foreign Nursing Schools (CGFNS International) has decided that those Philippine nurses who were sworn in as licensed nurses in the Philippines following their passing the compromised licensure exam of June 2006 are not eligible for a VisaScreen Certificate. It has concluded that the licensure process raises significant questions about the accurate assessment of the competencies of many of those individuals.

Apparently, the damage has reached foreign soil and as one of the direct recipients of its consequences, they want to put their hands on it too. It seems like our best option now is to do what we’re asked: a retake. Appealing to CGFNS to reverse its decision doesn’t seem to be the best idea. Obtaining a VisaScreen Certificate without a retake doesn’t really address all issues. Yes, our June 2006 Board Passers will no longer worry about future exams, but the Nursing Profession will remain tainted and the effect of it seems to be more devastating in the long run. Filipino nurses are admired for being competent on what they do and we don’t want to lose that just because we refused to retake 2 portions of an exam.

Most Nurses and Nursing students in the Philippines aim to work abroad. In fact, the Nursing Profession is becoming one of the biggest assets of this country. Right now, it’s in the brink of crumbling down. It’s not yet late.

We still have a big chance of redeeming ourselves so let’s not waste this opportunity. The pioneer nurses have labored so long and hard to earn the credibility this profession is possessing right now and we can do better than to just blow it off. This profession has been tainted and a retake is necessary to clean it up.

Answer 1

Adding on to what was previously said:
-nursing profession is not capitalized (first and third sentence)
-say "more than six months" it sounds better than half a year
-replace "things are not" (first paragraph) with "the situation is" or something else that describes the controversy. It's always a good idea to stay away from the word "things" in any paper you write
-get rid of "in the Phillipines" in the first sentence of second paragraph, it's redundant

Answer 2

I did not read your whole article but here are some suggestions for you for making a great article

1. you need a thesis statement that states what the three body paragraphs will be about
Example:
Say you are writing an article on which dog is the most helpful..lets say you picked the pekingnese, dalmation, and labrador

Your thesis will be:
We will compare the pekingnese,dalmation, and labrador to see which is the most helpful.

2. You need in your introductory paragraph something leading up to your thesis statement.

Example..
Pets have been around for some time now. They have helped many people do many things. Some people prefer to have dogs as pets. Some dogs are better than others in helping people. We will compare the pekingnese, dalmation, and labrador to see which is the most helpful.

3. You then use your body paragraphs to discuss the certain characteristics about the different dogs to help decide which is the most helpful..

4. In your concluding paragraph you need to restate your thesis and your body paragraphs..

Example

A comparison of the pekingnese, dalmation and labrador has shown that the labrador is the most helpful of the three. While the pekingnese is cute and friendly he is only that and doesn't help as much. The dalmation is more of a helper, but can't do as much. The labrador can help do many things. Taking this into consideration if you are looking for a dog to help you out the labrador would be your best choice.. ( This was just an example I know it really doesn't say anything)

I hope this gave you some help and tips good luck :)

Answer 3

It sounds and looks good to me except the next to the last paragraph. You could change the to ;It is not too late.