how do i deal with an unruly teenagers?

Question

backchatting, having to have the last word, arguing all the time, never wrong,showing off, totally out of control at school, lying,

Answer 1

there is a program on MTV name juve is very good sample of juvenile correction to them try a week first if doesn't work a month i saw to kids there crying like baby.

Answer 2

To save your sanity chose your battles. You have to interfere only if what she is saying is harmful and not acceptable. Teens are usually looking for attention and enjoy getting a rise out of parents (punishing you for her unhappiness).
The lying should be addressed though, ask her why she feels the need to lie so much. Lying is like breaking the trust a little bit at a time. Let her know that each lie she tells will only cause more problems and trusting her will be impossible, she's going to lose in the end and not you.
I have a daughter almost sixteen and most times ignoring her saves a lot of unnecessary arguing, it's just not worth it. Make sure you pick your battles and think happy thoughts (eventually she'll be out on her own and only then will reality set in). Good luck.

Answer 3

The backchat, last word, arguing with parents, and never wrong are natural teenage tendencies. They should grow out of it by the time they are 16

Answer 4

I always found that when my parents ignored the back chatting, attempts to get the last word, constant arguments, never being wrong and showing off, which I must admit being guilty of, I was much more bothered than I was by any of the various punishments they imagined. As for lying I always got caught, as when my parents didn't believe me they'd ask about it first thing in the morning and when the story was different I was clearly lying. As for being totally out of control at school, I realised myself that I wasn't doing myself any favours - it's just a pity I was doing my A-levels by then.

Answer 5

You sound like your having a pretty hard time!
When I was a teenager I rebelled and it didnt matter what my parents said or did for me I would listen to them. Usually its a phase but at this crucial time of their lives they do need discipline otherwise their behaviour could have serious consequences in the future. You need to show them how much you care but at the same time that you are not a walk over and their behaviour is unacceptable. If they were adults and they broke a law they would be punished - fined, imprissoned etc. I'm sure you can come up with something suitable, depending on their ages maybe if they lost their free time of a weekend or they one by one lost some privilleges.

Answer 6

One man's advice when I asked him the same thing...
A quick karate chop to the neck usually calms them down and shuts them up.

I like that idea but I think that's a lil cruel and unusual.

I've been blessed with my teenager for the most part.

He does have an attitude and thinks that he is grown. I constantly tell him if he feels grown he needs to help take on the grown up responsibilities of the house ( such as bills, and housework beyond chores.) Usually that helps him calm down.

You must remember that they are struggling to become adults and testing us as the parents is in some odd way their way of showing how grown up they can be or are trying to be.

One thing that really helps is trying to remember how I felt at that age and what I was going through.

Just keep talking to your teen, believe it or not they are listening.

Answer 7

For a start don't let things get as far as an argument-if she/he starts one just stop talking to her/him. Walk away and don't have anything to do with them until they learn to talk to you in an adult manner! Stop all priviledges-don't cook,clean,iron etc until they start acting in a more responsible way.NO pocket money,no tv,music,computers etc...nothing!If they can't respect you then don't show them any respect by being a parent.If they can't accept you are the parent and to do as they're asked then don't do anything they ask-two can play at that game!
As for school-get your butt up there and talk to the teachers,if you have to then tell them to clamp down,give permission for extra detention etc.....
That's the firm route! Now the softer approach....
Talk to them,ask what the reason for them treating you and everybody else like cr*p,tell them it can serious alter a parents attitude to the child and cause distance when they might need you most.The problem with teens is that clinical studies have shown they are unable to empathise with peoples feelings so you actually have to tell them in a very specific way instead of hoping they get the message.Find out if they have a counsellor at school and try and have a word with them to see what they think about things.

Answer 8

You gotta show them that their behaviour isn't bothering you. Just ignore them and let them do what they want within reason. When you've got your parent telling you that you can't do something it makes you want to do it all the more but if you get ignored it doesn't actually seem so exciting after all because you aren't being told not to do it. My parents did this with me and i soon came to my senses. They sat back and every time i came crying they were like so and i couldn't deal with it i wanted them to help me but they wouldn't. I realised that what i was doing wasn't worth falling out with my parents over and our relationship is better than ever and i thank them for being strong and making me see the error of my ways. Good luck and trust me, i know I'm young but things will get easier

Answer 9

i've seen two of my three through their early teens, and this is how i dealt with it...

1) take a big long breath.
2) remembered what it was like to be a teen myself. it's tough. you're trying to forge your own identity, beginning to separate yourself from your parents, find out what your own values are, dealing with all those hormones squishing around your body, starting to want to assert yourself to find out for yourself if something is true not just take your parents' word for it.... and you make so many mistakes along the way that you SO want to prevent your children making :)
3) i took a good hard look at our fights - was i wanting to have the last word just to have the last word? did i give them more attention when they are showing off than when they were just quietly getting on with things? etc etc
4) i started pretty much ignoring behaviour that was not *dangerous* to themselves or other people. picked my fights. didn't let myself get sucked into escalating no-win situations or point-scoring power games. listened to what they were saying, and let them be right (and me be wrong) sometimes
5) i began to show them some respect as emerging adults by doing things like negotiating coming in times, making deals over chores.
and here's a tip. you can cheat a bit. if you want them in by 10pm, tell them that you think 9 is a reasonable time to come in. then negotiate up. they'll think they've exercised some power in the deal and be much happier to co-operate, because they don't have an inflexible boundary to kick against... sneaky huh? but it works, and they learn how to negotiate, co-operate, be more responsible...

i think that if you model the behaviour you want them to learn - treat them in the way that you want them to treat you - bite your tongue fairly often, and set clear boundaries around *really* offensive or risky behaviour, they will come out of it and turn into great people...

after all, we did :)

Answer 10

Typical teenagers! Sorry,you'll have to ride it out. Some kids have a hard time going through their teenage years and need to know where they stand by testing the boundaries. Good luck,my son's 8 not long till i'm having the same trouble,hopefully it will make your relationship stronger and you'll be great friends when you get past this.

Answer 11

Discipline and consistency.

don't accept the behaviours you don't like and act on that immediately. If you ignore it some of the time because you're tired/frustrated or whatever and then try to enforce the rules other times, the kids'll just laugh it off.