that the father of my child finds it necessary to get blasted at least 4 days a week? It's either he goes out to the bars or has his friends over and they all drink and play loud music while I'm trying to sleep? I'm pretty upset and feeling very alone. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Any advice on what to do?
2007-02-21 01:35:30 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I have tried talking to him and he'll pretend to feel bad and he'll actually turn down the music, or stay home if I ask him to. I guess I'm just tired of the whole routine. Thanks for all of the advice so far....moving out & moving on is looking better & better.
2007-02-21 01:56:55 · update #1
No you are not wrong for the way you feel. During this time of pregnancy you need lots of love, support and rest. Is the behavior new or was he behaving this way before you got pregnant.
If this is new behavior, I think it would be a very good idea for you to sit your man down to find out what is going on with him. He could be suffering from some type of pre-fatherhood jitters that he does not know how to communicate.
If this is how he behaved prior to the pregnancy, you still should sit your man down and communicate your needs to him. Let him know how you feel and let him know how he can support you during your pregnancy.
Lastly keep in mind that most men are oblivious of the needs of a pregnant woman and they have no idea of all the changes she goes through during pregnancy so do what you can to involve him in your pregnancy. Do what you can to let him know what to expect while you are expecting.
2007-02-21 01:53:02 · answer #1 · answered by wonderingwifenga 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I went through this too...I was pregnant and he was out getting hammered. He would refuse to answer his phone ALL night, get me so worked up and angry, roll into the house at 1,2 or 3am and have the nerve to look at me and say: "You are pregnant you shouldn't let yourself get so worked up" and that would send me through the roof.
We would fight and argue. We would yell. I would feel the baby go wild when I would get angry. Finally over Thanksgiving (I was about 5.5 months then) he was home with his fam and I was with mine and I calmly called him in the middle of the afternoon and suggested he stay at his parents for a while. I told him I had been feeling alone and disrespected and if that was how life was going to be with him than I am already alone so he may as well leave.
It was a difficult thing to say because you have to mean it and you have to be calm or you will just fuel the fire. But I think if you can take the reigns and make the decision for yourself maybe he will realize he needs to change.
Don't forget to enjoy the pregnancy even if hes a pain. Its fun to feel the baby move ... Goodluck.
2007-02-21 01:46:21 · answer #2 · answered by sleepwalkin smith 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I absolutely don't think you're wrong for feeling that way. This is a time that he should be supportive of you. He should also be preparing himself for what is to come. He will be a parent and needs to act more like a responsible adult. I understand how you would feel alone. Have you tried talking to him? It's not like he can never go hang out with his friends, just don't come home wasted 4 nights out of the week. And it's pretty selfish that he and his friends are so loud when you're trying to get some sleep. Just be straight up and tell him you don't like it. Good luck :)
2007-02-21 01:46:02 · answer #3 · answered by jax_444 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a chance and a choice. The guy is not your husband, there is no reason to remain in a relationship with someone like this unless you are hoping to try out for a part in the touring company of white trash (race not important). You need to have your child and go on without this sperm donor. Its just a matter of time until he starts pounding on you. If you stay with him and embark on a life that looks like an episode of "Cops" then you have made a choice to do that and you deserve what you get. There are programs and help, and maybe relatives, who can help you get on with your life. Remember, you get no sympathy if you choose to stay in this situation and you are no better than he is if you stay in that lifestyle. Society in general is tired of all of this but very supportive if you decided to step up and make a life for your child. If its this bad now, how good do you think it will be with a baby and how good will it be for the baby. Dump his sorry *** or become a sorry ***.
2007-02-21 01:47:42 · answer #4 · answered by Tom W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong. He is acting like a teenager, not someone that has a baby on the way. Sounds like he needs to grow up and focus on providing a stable home for you and your child. Sit him down and have a talk with him. If he is not reasonable, focus on having a healthy pregnancy. If he does not shape up when the baby comes you may get very tired of it and want to move on. Good luck to you.
2007-02-21 01:45:07 · answer #5 · answered by ShanaJ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are not!!
What sort of role model does he want to be. The baby is going to need things and if hes waisting all his money on booze how is he going to be able to provide emotionally and financially.
You need to be taking it easy and not stress. Tell him not to bring people around after a certain time.
It's not good for the baby for you to be stressed.
Does he want this baby? Maybe he's just not ready.
Sit down and write down how your feeling and what you expect from him now and when the baby arrives. Then sit down together and tell him your concerns. He may also have worries!
2007-02-21 01:51:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this something he's just started doing or has he been doing this all along??
You're not wrong for wanting a change - your life is changing dramatically and you'd like to see his changing to some extent as well, BUT you can't force other people to change - just yourself. Especially if this is a behaviour he's been doing all along (which means you'd accepted it at some point) and you're now upset because you can't deal with it anymore.
2007-02-21 02:02:53 · answer #7 · answered by chicchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
awww...This is sad. I dont know what oyur financial situation is but you need to make some changes. I'm a recovering addict and have been clean for five years. I know that you can't stop drinking for anyone. You have to do it for yourself when your tired of it. You don't want your child being raised in this situation. try to get out of this situation if oyu can.
2007-02-21 01:54:45 · answer #8 · answered by cinnycinda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be angry! If I were you I would've tossed his *** out! You do not need to be in that type of atmosphere. If he will not calm his lifestyle down or at least see your side then you need to stay somewhere else if possible. Maybe then he'd get the idea.
2007-02-21 01:42:47 · answer #9 · answered by Xenik's mama 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
first of all have you talked to him about it?
next, if he can't change for the sake of you and your child then i think it is best that you get out of this relationship. a child must never have to grow up in an enviroment like this. they have needs, they need stability, love, comfort and trust that thier parents will always be there for them. putting your baby first should be your number one priorty. i grew up with a father that loved to drink and do drugs, hang out with his friends more and i am telling you that my childhood sucked. all of that stuff was more important then his family and it isn't right. plz talk to the father try to get him to understand and if he can't change then i think it would be best if you weren't with him. you are having a baby and that child need to have people in it's life to steer him/her in the right direction.
2007-02-21 01:46:04 · answer #10 · answered by mmh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋