People always seem to make light of it and take the other persons side or view point?
Does this happen to you also? When I am angry because I felt that someone has treated me unfairly and I tell someone else about it, they always seem to try and take the other persons side.
For instance, I was just upset with someone recently. Everyone I told seemed to say - well maybe it's because I did something wrong to cause it or this person doesn't mean to do that...
I think only a couple of people actually got mad with me.
This is just an example. I have noticed that people do this with a lot with other people's problems.
I'm just wondering why! Any ideas?
2007-02-21 01:08:59 · 7 answers · asked by Sarah S 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Yes, I know exactly what you mean. Check this out. When you have a problem or an issue with someone else, it's usually best to go to that person and try and hash it out. When you go to someone else who has no stake in the matter, it's natural for their human nature to feel sort of uncomfortable and try and opt out of the situation as gracefully as they can out of a desire to not get caught up in something that later may escalate into something that they may not want to be involved in. That they say to you ,"Well maybe you did something to bring it on", is their subtle way of trying to point you in the direction you should go- to the person you have the issue with in the first place. Don't be too hard on them and don't be too hard on yourself.Your intentions are well meant, your just consulting with the wrong people. That's all. Good luck to you.
2007-02-21 01:33:12 · answer #1 · answered by 4everamusedw/humanity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They're probably worried about what you'll do. We as a society have a tendency to want to mitigate or limit anger and frustration. This is a horrible mistake, but we don't like conflict. Rather than want to help you to release your feelings, they would rather try to calm you down.
One chief way that people try to calm others down is by debasing the source of their anger; i.e. cutting the legs out from under it. This is the "See, it's not what you thought it was, so you can stop being mad!" strategy, and it's a horrible mistake to try this until after the person has calmed down significantly.
Try to calm people down this way - if it's applicable! - ONLY when the angry person has calmed down, perhaps not until a day or two later. By that point, they're usually able to see reason.
2007-02-21 01:16:09 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is simple - they are just showing a terrible lack of respect for you|
Whoever takes a problem or an issue that you take seriously, and makes light of it, or takes a patronizing attitude towards it, or a superior "detached" attitude towards it, is simply a person who does not respect you and the dignity that is due to you (and many "close" family members are like that)|
The thing is, such people do not really care for you (no matter who they are - they can even be parents)|
They also tend to pull guilt trips on you, forcing you to do things that you do not really believe in, or do not want to do, or do not agree with|
The thing is, is to get out of their sphere the best you can, and start your own life far away|
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2007-02-21 02:06:42 · answer #3 · answered by Catholic Philosopher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you ever stop and think that everyone around you are trying to analyze the situation .Maybe instead of telling other people about the problem, you should actually talk to the person you are mad at and try to work it out.Good Luck.
2007-02-21 01:19:38 · answer #4 · answered by bossymom32 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you sound like a sensitive person. You might have very high standards in terms of expecting decent and honorable behavior from people, they rarely meet your expectations and then you find yourself upset and disappointed by them. Other people may be able to brush it off easier than you do.
2007-02-21 01:37:42 · answer #5 · answered by Lee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it is just because they feel differently about the matter than you do. Maybe their heads aren't as clouded with anger so they have had an advantage when it came to interpreting and working out everything that they heard.
2007-02-21 01:19:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe they're trying to find reason with the other person since they heard your side of the story. i dont think they're trying to offend you or anything, they just wanna see whats going on
2007-02-21 01:12:49 · answer #7 · answered by Banana Hero [sic] 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋