I have been having problems with my Husband, He brought frustration to my heart. He started disrespecting me seriously, embrassing me infront of people,having no time for me, coming late home early in the morning saying he has been dinking with friends, having phone calls where i suspected that he is taking to a girl if i ask who that was he will say its a friend. Last Friday he reached home 01:00 it really hurt me badly, it made me wonder why iam with him he found me packing my clothes ready to go back to my parents i wanted a divorce seriously. He pleaded that i shoud'nt but i had made up my mind he cried and said he wants to be frank coz he loves me so much he said he has an affair with a certain woman it shock me i was touched i cried painfully he said he will take me to my parents and tell them he loves me i should forgive him and start a new life he will change , i said enough is enough, but we went they were told it toched them too but adviced me to go back forgive and forget.
2007-02-21 01:04:16 · 22 answers · asked by Poki 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is a liar and a cheater...do you really want to forgive and forget THAT? I would move on.
2007-02-21 01:08:42 · answer #1 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one can tell you to forgive and forget, you can really only do the first part. So, that's where you start, you have to look into your heart, and see if you want to and are capable of forgiving him. If so, then you two can try and work it out. Even without the trust there right now, you can still do it, he will have to do a lot to earn it back, like checking in, being where he supposed to be at what time he supposed to be there, phone calls can pass through you first, So, if he even steps just a little out of line you will know it. But if you don't feel like you can't go through all of that, then don't, if your heart is not in it, you will just grow to really hate him, and that wont feel good for you.
2007-02-21 09:19:42 · answer #2 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie... Take a break from this to sort out your heart & your mind. Time is the essense to heal all wounds. If you jump too quick, then you will be right back where you are now. You can forgive ~ never forget, but HE has to be able to forgive himself first... if not, then you will never break the cycle & you will always feel betrayed. This next thing I'm going to say is very difficult for you, but I feel I must say it. While taking this time out, ask yourself what you may have done or "not done" while with him to make him stray. I'm not saying this is your fault, but to have a healty relationship, we have to look at ourselves through someone elses eyes to see what really is going on. Don't be too hard on yourself when doing this. And it doesn't happen over night. Take baby steps towards resolving your fears of what your future may or maynot intell... And try to smile for you are a wonderful person!!!
2007-02-21 09:14:26 · answer #3 · answered by T. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you choose to stay with him, make it with your conditions. Go to counseling. Plan your exit, and if he continues with this kind of behavior, get out. Let him know that you will leave if he does not change. Plan what your next step will be if you must leave. It sounds like your parents are not too supportive of your point of view. Are you prepared to live alone? Can you support yourself? If not, get yourself ready.
Many of us have faced this decision. When my ex-husband did this, I stayed, and decided if he did it again, I would divorce. A year later he did it again, and by then I had my plan in place, and survived well. You need a plan or you will feel lost. Do this for yourself, not for him.
The hardest thing to face is when the dream dies. I wish you well.
2007-02-21 09:21:06 · answer #4 · answered by Alicia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't love you, he got caught and feels guilty. You were going to leave him because of his bad behavior that he had every chance to change before when you talked to him. If you stay he will put you through this again because people don't change habits overnight and sometimes never. You have the right to someone much better then him.
Why your parents said what they did I have no idea, but it isn't up to your parents now is it? They don't have to live with your husbands behavior, cheating and all round disrespect. If they don't want you living there, then ask your cheatin husband to pack it up and leave.
2007-02-21 09:23:09 · answer #5 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater always a cheater.
And if he disrespects you and embarrasses you in front of other people, his problems go beyond just cheating.
He sounds controlling.
If you go back to him, he will be good for a while, but will go back to the same behavior after time.
You described nothing but pain and humiliation in your relationship with him.
Do you really want to live like that?
The rest of your life?
You will never be able to trust him again, it is a recipe for destruction.
Divorce him and find yourself someone who will treat you with dignity and respect. And will show you the love that is part of a true relationship.
2007-02-21 09:21:02 · answer #6 · answered by Mr R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you give him a chance to change if he promised you that he will. If you took your parents advice and went back to your home, this can be an opportunity for both of you to talk things out and really let him know how much you are hurting, explaining the situations that you highlighted in your letter. Please do not break up your marriage without giving your husband a least this chance.
2007-02-21 09:17:31 · answer #7 · answered by ann t 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is welling to make up with you then. this is what he need to do for the next 5 years he need to make shore that you are the most happiest person on this earth and if he really love you he will do anything to keep you happy and when the 5 years are over you redo your marriage ceremony. Good Luck
this is what a friend of mine had to do to get his wife back and did he pay for it they are now even more in love then they ever been.
2007-02-21 09:19:39 · answer #8 · answered by celticdragon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No dont forgive and forget, if you let him off the hook once he'll know he can get away with it again! Your husband had his chance with you and decided the grass seemed greener, well who is he to find out whilst still married to you. Leave him, not all men are like this im sure you'll find someone who treats you better. If he married you he knew what he was saying when he said i do! Have some respect for yourself and know that you are worth more than this.
2007-02-21 09:13:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just because he admitted his affair doesn`t mean you should forgive and forget. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Move on sweetie!
2007-02-21 09:19:33 · answer #10 · answered by MISTY 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once a cheater always a cheater. you always going to wonder what he is up too if he late home or getting strange phone calls. you are better off starting all over again.
if he truely loved you then he wouldnt be doing this to hurt you.
2007-02-21 09:12:50 · answer #11 · answered by vanessaoz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋