Long story short: My ex & I broke up last summer & he is married now.It was an ugly break up. He has been married about 7 months.When we see each other out places he flirts alot, ask me to eat lunch with him & makes sex jokes about what we used to do.My best friend is usally with me & she always says how he has began acting the same way he did when we first met.I got into a heated arguement w/him 2 nights ago & I told him to stop playing games with my head because his behavior is leading me on & I dont want to be hurt.He says he isnt cheating, "it's just talk"..I walked away from him & told him to leave me alone.Yesterday he spotted my friend & I and followed us to a gas station and pulled up next to us just to say hi.He was starring at me.I said hi. He said a joke to make me laugh before they pulled off.Why does he keep doing this? I told him the night before that his behavior is leading me on & he is acting things out without actaully touching me.Has any one else had this problem?
2007-02-21 00:44:01 · 12 answers · asked by Wisdom 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His wife lives in Bangledesh so I cant tell her.Even if she did live here he said she doesnt speak English.I still love him somewhat & he knows this. I dont understand why he would be so selfish & playing mind games if he knows he is married & he already made his mind up.I had been seeing him off & on for 2 years & he didnt tell me he was getting married until two weeks before he was leaving the country. When he did break it to me we were about to have sex!We started arguing and I kicked him out.I dont understand him or how I even got involved with this bizarre dude.
2007-02-21 01:01:53 · update #1
He has this huge effect on you because you let him.
He knows how to push your buttons.
If you were not interested, you would not describe it as "leading you on".
Part of you obviously wants to get with him, because, let's face it, there is no way his wife would find out.
It is a part of you you obviously can control, but he knows he has some control over that little part of you too.
If you are going to get him to stop, your going to have to get rude and turn into a real b i t c h.
Whatever you do, do not fall for any of his flirting. He is trying to lure you back into bed, and if he does, he will hurt you bad.
2007-02-21 01:31:01 · answer #1 · answered by Mr R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll give you a guys perspective.
You are absolutely right to tell him to back off with the flirtations.
I believe that he is cultivating an "on the side" relationship with you. It doesn't sound to me like you are doing any cheating but as long as he is behaving in a way that his wife wouldn't approve of then HE'S CHEATING!!!!!
I think you are sending him the wrong message when you use the term "leading me on". I think he can interpret that as meaning that you would welcome a relationship with him, but you don't believe he is serious since he is recently married.
With that he may see it as an opportunity that just hasn't yet come to fruition.
Try using more terminal words like "we're done" "finished" "over" etc when he starts flirting with you.
If he doesn't get the message from that then let him know that you'll be inviting his new wife for coffee sometime in the future for a little woman to woman chat, & see if that has an affect.
If not, well there's always a restraining order.
Good luck, & look after yourself. :-)
2007-02-21 01:01:44 · answer #2 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the general principle is - does your current partner have an issue with it ...?
I remember dating a girl who had a lot of trust issues. In the middle of it all, I went on a picnic with an ex-gf of mine who was very definitely just friends. No flirting. Just having a nice time on a sunny day in the middle of a playground with kids about.
My gf at the time felt as if I'd kicked her in the chest. I hadn't meant it that way and had to do a lot to make up for it. She felt I had cheated, even though there wasn't any flirting or anything!
So - yes,"just talking" and "flirting" with an ex- might be considered cheating by some people.
Especially if it goes beyond flirting.
2007-02-21 00:51:53 · answer #3 · answered by Orinoco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is taking advantage of you or your feelings, because they can tell when someone is still in love, now i consider this cheating, because your relationship is over, he is already married again, and didn't even think about moving on and live his life, now do you really want somebody like that in your life again? I don't think it's worth it and there is a reason why you got divorced, don't waste your time..... Go out, feel sexy, and live every day like is the last one!!!! GOOD LUCK!
2007-02-21 01:40:21 · answer #4 · answered by maharet_cr76 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't feel comfortable with talking to him, then stop talking to him. if you broke off last summer, like june and he got married 7 months ago, at most that was like 1 1/2 to 2 months after you broke up, unless he was already seeing his wife then something is really wrong, and if he was then it is twice as wrong. Stay away from him, or tell his bride.
2007-02-21 00:57:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right, his behavior is inappropriate. I think you've handled it correctly so far. I'd go a step further. If he does it again, tell him that if he doesn't stop you'll have a talk with his wife.
I think you should also go out of your way to avoid being alone with him. There's always a chance he could act out.
2007-02-21 00:49:47 · answer #6 · answered by Terri J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Flirting and talking about past sex with him is pushing the line of respect not cheating especially if you are uncomfortable. It sounds like he doesn't respect you and your boundries. You're not cheating, but this guy sounds like an ***. Tell him, he needs to start treating you with respect and that includes respecting your marriage or you'll have to cut him out of your life.
2007-02-21 00:52:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy just wants to have his cake and it.you should be careful since you are still vulnerable. Avoid him and speking sincerely He has moved on with his life and is a married man so dont let him have a hold on your future.
2007-02-21 01:35:01 · answer #8 · answered by sonic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have control over this situation, if you don't like what he is doing then, first tell him, second ignore him don't even give him the time of day and if that fails tell his wife.
I wouldn't consider it cheating but it is inappropriate.
2007-02-21 00:51:13 · answer #9 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES, I AM N D SAME SITUATION, BUT ITS THE OTHER WAY AROUND, IM MARRIED AND STILL TALK 2 MY EX BECAUSE WE STILL CARE 4 EACHOTHER BUT HE'S D 1 DAT ALWAYS TALK DIRTY TO ME AND I TELL HIM 2 CALM HIS NERVES BUT I THINK YOU SHOULD MOVE ON AND LET THAT GO ITS NOT WORTH BEING HURT OVER AGAIN GOOD LUCK
2007-02-21 00:49:05 · answer #10 · answered by SHAKESUMTIN 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋