My husband recently bought a former coworker (a woman) a very expensive Tiffany rattle (man on the moon). I just can't seem to get over it. He never bought me anything like that or our son. He didn't even get me a gift for the hosptial when our son was born. I even wanted to get my sister the same rattle for her baby's dedication but he refused due to expense.
Now, he's bought this rattle for a coworker. And, I'm wounded. Am I right in being wounded or am I over reacting like he says. I don't fear an affair or anything - I just feel like he's saying she's better than me and our family. He says it's pregnancy hormones.
How can I make him understand?
2007-02-21 00:27:05 · 13 answers · asked by Baby #3 due 10/13/09 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
No, it wasn't office funds collected by his team. This came directly from our Mastercard and he told me he had bought it - personally.
2007-02-21 00:32:26 · update #1
This coworker had a baby shower from his coworkers. She got all kinds of stuff there. But, this was from "us". Only I didn't know about until he ordered it. Yes, it was nice and thoughtful. But, why couldn't he buy something for his own son? Or, for his neice? Something the child will remember daddy or uncle bought them not a coworker.
2007-02-21 00:38:02 · update #2
He was very enamored with the gift she got us when we had our son. She cross stiches and hand did a piece for our son in his nursery theme. It had his name and birth stats. She had it framed too. So, he wanted to give something equally nice.
I think he went overboard...but maybe your right, maybe it was just for show. Like he was trying to top her gift...
2007-02-21 00:48:55 · update #3
Wow, I have no advice in particular but I can totally understand you getting upset over this. Hormones schmormones. I'd be hurt as well and on two counts - about the gift but also about the fact he was so dismissive of my feelings. And perhaps, as well, because of this fact this women is (apparently) only a former co-worker, yet he wouldn't buy this for my sister. That's just so NOT right, and a bit wierd.
I wish I could offer some sage words of comfort about the fact he married you, yada yada but I really am at a loss. If it was me I'd be angry and hurt.
He must realise he has seriously upset you and if he doesn't he needs a serious shake!
What is he trying to prove? Is he maybe trying to win business or something, you know, put one up his professional competition? Look good in front of the Joneses?
But! If I had to try and work out a strategy here - don't sulk about it or it will make the situation worse. I'd sit him down and tell him square on - I am hurt and angry about this on several levels.
First, you have spent an inappropriate amount of money on a very expensive gift for someone who is apparently just a friend when you refused to spend the same money on someone we are close to. I really can't understand the logic in this.
Second, when I expressed my hurt to you over this you didn't take me seriously and dismissed my feelings.
Please explain to me the rationale behind what you have done because I want to understand this whole situation a bit better so I can put it behind us - as it stands I feel resentful towards you over this and I don't want to feel this way any more.
(jerk)
2007-02-21 00:57:02 · answer #1 · answered by SydneyMum101 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. I would be so upset with my husband! I think maybe he did it to make himself look good, you know to try to "out do" everyone else.. a Tiffany's rattle wow that is a little overboard, if anything he could have bought her a gift card to walmart or target! Just explain to him that you feel like he's left you and your sister out in the cold because of this extravagant gift he bought his co worker, most likely he won't understand because men just don't get it! Good luck with trying though :)
2007-02-21 00:55:16 · answer #2 · answered by cirnrab 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him it disturbes you that he dismisses your feelings, however irrational, on hormones. If the woman was a superior, though, and will come back, maybe the gift was political.(Men can think like that) If not, then tell him in a calm, rational way that this just may be hormones, but it still does not make sense, since the same item was too expensive for family, but not for a person not connected or close. Therefore, it does set off alarm bells. Would he please try to explain to bring peace back to your mind.
Note: if you start weeping and acting the "wounded drama-mama" ,no matter how rational the argument, it will be attributed to hormones.
2007-02-21 00:38:25 · answer #3 · answered by Pekoe90 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do not just stand there and get all misty eyed and start losing your composure. He will blame that on hormones too . For the last time tell him exactly what you told here and then drop it and never mention it again . Just make sure that he gets the message there are no more favors bought for anybody without your consent . It is VERY odd that he did that . There is something in that scenario that is off key . I am very fair and open minded. Something strikes me as not kosher here .
Let's hope he knows how deeply it hurt you and will make it up to you in the future .
2007-02-21 00:50:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he suddenly thinks this expensive rattle is a superb gift for a new baby then yes, I would be hurt too. But if he wasn't willing to buy it for his SIL then I doubt he would buy it for a co-worker. More than likely it was a collection gift from everyone in the office.
OK after reading your added details I would be LIVID! If it were me I would go & buy my own gift (and make it way better than a rattle). Just tell him you know how busy he is and you thought you would save him the trouble. But then be done with it.
2007-02-21 00:34:54 · answer #5 · answered by Lyn 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I understand what you are saying. I think that's wrong and have a right to feel wounded. I not pregnancy hormones either. Talk to him and ask him why he thought it was OK for him to buy that for a co-worker, but not for your kids or your sisters when you wanted to. I would say something like, How come when I wanted to buy this for my sister it was to much money, but its OK for you to turn around and buy it for someones baby that's no relation to us? Make him see it from your point of view. I hope you can get him to talk and listen. Good luck and congrats on your baby!!!
2007-02-21 00:48:52 · answer #6 · answered by kristin h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your getting upset. I would be too! If he doesn't understand now, then I doubt he ever will. YOu can try to discuss things with him, but that doesn't mean it'll result in some miraculous realization of how you must be feeling. Just remember that he's YOUR husband and loves you very much. You shouldn't dwell on this because it'll only eat you up inside. Good luck!
2007-02-21 00:37:57 · answer #7 · answered by keonli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you should have the finest things in life not anyone else any where else . Tell him you understand he wanted to feel like a high roller , but she isn't going to appreciate it as much as you and your son would have and you could have saved it for him to pass down to his kids . Tell him for you to forgive him he should go out and buy something of value for your son . Tell him you feel like he put someone else above you and your kids . Any time he wants to make a decision to buy something like that for someone , talk it over with you first . GOOD LUCK !!!
2007-02-21 00:36:23 · answer #8 · answered by Me777 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Could it be that the office collected money and he was just in charge of buying the gift? So the gift is not directly from him?
2007-02-21 00:30:49 · answer #9 · answered by DEE 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm a man, and I would never do it. I can understand why you are wounded. He has no excuse.
I have no idea what to say to you, to either try to make it better, or to explain his behaviour. To me, it sounds suspicious. Sorry, to tell you that.
I wish I could help.
2007-02-21 00:37:12 · answer #10 · answered by whatotherway 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋