because he shoved me into the wall. I am in the military so I filed a complaint with them, and then they encouraged me to file a report with local police.
Everyone keeps asking me after all this am I going to go back to him, and I tell them now..because I found out after we got married that he had been abusive before with his brother and his other childs mother.
I am 16 wks pregnant with his baby. Am I doing the right thing by staying away from him? I am scared of him...but everyone keeps saying well why aren't you going back to him. I guess I just want some more reassurance about it all. I am very protected from him right now, and I know that I am safe, I am just worried about what happens when the protective orders run out....
This was the final straw and I don't want to go back, am I doing the right thing? Because my child will grow up without a father because he has verbally stated that he will want nothing to do with it.
2007-02-21 00:19:05 · 18 answers · asked by Torey♥ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I exaggerated things? I did not exagerate anything. Being pushed, and verbally told stuff is ABUSE! I am pregnant and don't need to be in that stuff....loosing patience shouldn't have anything to do with abuse.
2007-02-21 00:30:02 · update #1
Oh...I should add, since someone brought it up..I DO want this baby. I love the baby already. I love everytime I feel it move, I sing to it, and all that stuff. There is no way I am ever going to give this baby up, I was on birth control so there must be a reason this baby is here.
2007-02-21 01:41:39 · update #2
"I left my husband....?
because he shoved me into the wall. I am in the military so I filed a complaint with them, and then they encouraged me to file a report with local police.
.because I found out after we got married that he had been abusive before with his brother and his other childs mother."
I think this answers your own question. Do you want that for yourself or child. Would you rather have your husband beat the daylights out of you and/or your child before you decide that you should leave? If he wants anything to do with you or your child then he wouldnt do what I he does. He is selfish and needs counseling. He has a pattern of violent behavior that could some day end your or your childs life if he is around. The time is now while your child is young to leave.
You seem young enough where you shouldnt have trouble finding a nice young man who will be the husband/father that you need or want. Your child will understand why you kept him away from his biological father. LOVE!
2007-02-21 00:32:28 · answer #1 · answered by finished 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing. You need to feel safe and your baby deserves a safe environment. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. People are different when it comes to their tolerance levels (patience), some will walk when the verbal abuse begins, others when the physical abuse starts, while even still some stay through it all hoping and praying it will cease one day. I admire you for walking out now before you or your baby get hurt permanently. Besides, just because a man fathers a baby doesn't mean he has to be the baby's dad there will be a man out there that will be that baby's Daddy in every sense of the word.
2007-02-21 08:41:37 · answer #2 · answered by sassywv 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely don't go back.
No father is much better than an abusive father who, if he says he will want nothing to do with the child, clearly does not love it. The child would probably grow up to be abusive like the father too. The guy has a history of abusing, you are asking for trouble, injury and possible death if you go back. It's a no-brainer.
If you are in the military, can't you live in barracks? That should be pretty safe. Or apply for a posting far away.
2007-02-21 08:31:21 · answer #3 · answered by lawomicron 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are scared of him, that is your intuition talking. Listen to it. He has been abusive before with other people, and has started shoving you around, too. It's a pattern and will only get worse.Remember, the first time someone abuses you, you're a victim. After that, you're a volunteer. He can state whatever he wants to about not wanting anything to do with the baby, but he'll still have to pay child support. And would you really want your child around a violent, abusive father, anyway? Good Luck.
2007-02-21 09:29:24 · answer #4 · answered by Lotus 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in a relationship with this guy and I loved him with my whole heart .. But when we were together he would abuse me .. when I found out I was caring his child he became more abusive , I did leave him and very happy I did , my son is now 12 years old and does not know his dad . his dad is in prison for the 3rd time and he has a record of hitting me and his other girl friends . you do not need him to be around that baby , life without a father is better than life with a abuser .. you are doing the right thing ..
2007-02-21 13:11:40 · answer #5 · answered by blueflowerscs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please stay away from him..... Experience unfortunately has proven to me that this type of situation only gets worse as time goes on and even worse when children are in the picture. Then it is harder and harder to leave and your children have to grow up witnessing this abuse. You don't want that for your child.
You have your out now, so run with it. If he doesn't have part in the child's life, then it is his loss. And chances are you don't really want him to be around the child anyway if he is going to be abusive.
Good luck and good job for being strong and pressing the charges. You don't know how many other women that are out there that wish they could have that courage. It took me 6 years and 2 kids before I could leave. Please stay strong for your baby and protect yourself and the baby by staying away.
2007-02-21 08:29:17 · answer #6 · answered by CPA2B 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell me why especially NOW would you want to bring up this poor innocent child with an abusive man??????? Where is the sense of that????? You say that the child will grow up without a father..you call an abusive man a potential father??? I call him a potential hazard to you and your unborn baby. Stay far far far from him and what type of people are telling you to go back? Are they of sane mind? Show them you are strong and do it for your baby stay the hell away from a life of hell and abuse.
2007-02-21 08:28:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You definitely did the right thing. If he can get physical with you, especially knowing your pregnant with his kid, is not a good thing. You are doing the right thing. No father is better than an abusive father.
2007-02-21 08:35:25 · answer #8 · answered by steemshovel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh god! plzzzzz forget him.
ih he physically abuses you ONCE, its entirely his fault.
if you give him the opportunity to do so again, it would be yours, my friend.
do u want his baby? i dnt knw much abt this angle, as i am nt married, on the other hand, the baby is god's gift to you. i dnt knw abt ur religious views either.
pls try to read dr brian weiss's many masters many lives.
try to PRAY. it really helps. OPEN UR MIND N HEART to god, he will guide you, show you the way and be with you.
u did the right thing by walking out. sometimes suffering and pain come in our lives to teach us something, learn your LESSON and move on.
be brave. one has to have immense courage to face life and its trials.
another thing you can do is HELP OTHER WOMEN IN DISTRESS OR IN SIMILAR SITUATIONS. it will lessen ur agony.
be happy, be calm, be peaceful for ur babyz sake. try to do yoga or reiki. there are many sites which will give reiki to you for free.
you are an educated woman. plz be a source of inspiration to others.
in eastern countries, women are not brought up to be independent. parents dont entertain their daughters complaints regarding inlaws. you are lucky, you had the option to walk away from it all.
pls be happy ...your baby can hear you crying, can feel ur distress.
may god be with you...
2007-02-21 09:29:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hello torey s you did the right thing when you left him you dont deserve to be pushed or shoved around by him or any body else as a matter of fact especially when you are pregnant or any other way because you and your baby either one dont need to be abused byy ony one at all
2007-02-21 08:41:05 · answer #10 · answered by haroldgardner62002006 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋