We have been friends over 20 years (I am also the godmother of one of her children) she has been saying things about my husband that isn't true to my other friends and family, my friends and family has told her she is wrong but she still insists that she is right this has been going on for 4 years I have never approached her but it bothered me so much. She forms these opinions with no facts, I think she is jealous my house is larger then hers, I can afford to put my child in daycare which is another topic she forms opinions on when she has never put her own children in a daycare they are cared for by a relative. She comments are "how can they afford that house, new furniture, and daycare." What should I do?
2007-02-20 23:22:49 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
well that person is not as close as you think then
2007-02-20 23:25:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If she had told anything directly to you, Please get a clarity from heras "what made you to speak like this and do you have any facts to proove your point?". If she is a genuinely good friend, she will tell you her part of the story with also giving you the genuine solution, but if she is not, she will only try to proove herself true without even botherring about the hamper which could happen to your relationship with your husband.
If in case you have not heard directly from her , and from some third party, it also depends as how reliable is that third person?
Also you can recheck on the points she is mentiong about your husband without showing other people about it (it should not look like that you are mistrusting your husband) but just to check your friends authenticity.
If still you find friend is WRONG, slowly bring formal difference in your friendship and just be siple friend rather than CLOSE FRIENDS.
I will not say that by sure she is jealous from you but just for the optimistic side, there could be some misunderstanding also possible at her end about your husband.
Still try to solve everything smooth , but very well make sure that in case you are taking some strong DECISION, it should not be a "pachhtava" for you in future.
STILL All the best to get everthing solve smoothly while keeping your relationships cool (both with your husband and your friend)
2007-02-21 07:40:31 · answer #2 · answered by NRB 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First off, I suggest you reconsider your values on what a close friend is because that does not sound like something a close friend would do. Second, I think that you should just confront this person and tell, not ask, then to stop spreading rumours about you and your family. If she has a problem with you and yours then she should come to you about it, not start rumours to try and get you into hot water with the rest of your friends and family. She could also be jealous of your good fortune (the house and daycare things) and be trying to make herself look better to other people by making them think worse of you. Again, you should just talk to this person and get things cleared up, and soon!
2007-02-21 07:28:56 · answer #3 · answered by dragondave187 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Since you have both had a friendship for that long, I think it would be a safe move to talk to her about your feelings. I don't think it would jeopardize your relationship. Just ask her if her opinions are based on fact or are they just personal feelings? If you bring up the comments about the house, furniture, and daycare, just tell her it's more important to have solid friends and not to dwell so much on material things. It's nice to have good things, but it's nicer to have good friends that can sit down and discuss things, even if it may cause some dander to fly. But, I think you will feel better once you clear the air with her. She should understand if you do approach her.
2007-02-21 07:29:08 · answer #4 · answered by gone 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There is a good chance that she is jealous of you and your life. It is very disrespectful for her to call herself you r"friend" and talk about your personal business to others! I would be so angry. The only thing you can do is ask her to meet up with you for lunch or dinner, confront her by asking her why she is doing that.... Than give her a STRONG opinion that is bothers you and you would like her to stop! Explain to her that you guys are not teenagers in high school, it is none of her business what you and your husband do with your money or your kids!! Is she continues to do this after the fact, than you should no longer look at her as a "friend". Good Luck!
2007-02-21 07:31:02 · answer #5 · answered by Jm 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you should seriously talk to her and make her understand once and for all about your feelings and concerns. You should tell her not to talk about your husband in a negative manner to any one cause it is none of her business and as for the jealousy that she needs to grow up and get over it. I mean you can tell her this stuff in a nice way and all just make her understand that if are to be friends that she needs to stop acting as though she is your enemy along with it cause that isn't real friendship. If she doesn't care to listen or if she doesn't change then find a new friend. One that won't treat you and your family in such an unfair fashion. Good luck!
2007-02-21 07:29:16 · answer #6 · answered by poetryprincess 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you care too much for her to cut her off your life, you should try and discuss it openly with her. avoid accusing her directly, and avoid quarreling. this way, she can open up and explain why she has formed these opinions. if she has been telling lies, she will feel embarrassed that you, despite of everything she said, opened up, and if she hasnt, she will give you her indications that led her to form such opinions. if she denies to discuss it openly with you, or despite this talk, continues to treat you like that, then it is time to cut her off. you could also ask your friends and family to make it clear to her that they do not want to discuss your personal life in your absence.
(my apologies if this may hurt you, but can you be absolutely sure she is not right? if she had not given any samples of jealousy or similar behavior in the past then maybe you should do some research on your own)
in any case, she is to blaim for those past 4 years, because true friends never go behind your back like that. if she really knew sg, she should approach you and discuss it with you first. good luck!!
2007-02-21 07:37:39 · answer #7 · answered by Vassia* 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
k fine u call her still friend ...k she can say something else why is she pointing to your husband ..there is a proverb which says if there is no fire there is no smoke ..i would appreciate u that u believe ur husband so much but still verify it for sure that such a thing is not happening k dear i wish wat she told must be a false story ...then just neglect her friendship .. just ignore her .do not pay attention to her anymore ..this will help u to reduce your stress and tension k
2007-02-21 07:53:43 · answer #8 · answered by tamanaahamed 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
may be your friend is wrong,may be not.but i think you better know your husband,do you believe him?then go for that way.i think you have to make sure about this matter whatever your friend told you.if you investigate that matter and you satisfied that you are right about your husband then you can tell your friend that he is the right person,but without knowing about that matter you can't say your friend this line so forcely.some times you have to do something about which you never thought before.don't think about the jealousy,do you know the line "your jealousy is my satisfaction".
2007-02-21 07:44:18 · answer #9 · answered by Dighi_143 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This has been going on for 4 years and you are still "close" friends? So, you let her walk all over you. Thats real friendship there. Drop her like a bad habit.
2007-02-21 07:25:38 · answer #10 · answered by ferrethed 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
with friends like that who needs enemy's.
if she has been saying things for 4 years and you have said nothing to her about it she thinks if she was wrong you would have said something to her dont be around the person that way doesn't know your business
2007-02-21 07:38:04 · answer #11 · answered by aussierobyn73 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋