It's harder for gays to ask random people out in public. How should I ask out a guy?

Question

There is this hot guy I saw at the grocery store. He looked at me, took off his shirt when I passed by him, and gave me a friendly greeting, but that might be just because he works there. However, it wasn't like I asked him a question or anything. He was just opening boxes. Anyway, I want to go bck up to the grocery store and ask him out. I don't know if he's gay tho and so I'm petrified. He is not fem or anything at all. I don't really go for the fem guys. Come to think of it, there are a lot of masculine guys I see that work at stores around where I live that I'd like to ask out. Knowing if they're gay is so confusing because they're masculine. There are no gay places around here so this is what I'm stuck with doing. How should I go about asking out these masculine guys that seem pretty friendly? It's not as if I am a guy going up to a girl like heteros get to do. This is much harder. I wish masculine guys ignored people they weren't interested in to make this less confusing for me.

Answer 1

I would just stare at him...like a lot. So much so that he would feel compelled to walk over and ask why I'm staring. I'd reply, well dude, I kinda like your style...wanna get some boiled oats at Cafe Organic with me sometime?

Answer 2

Just ask.

My problem is that some gay people go OVERBOARD with asking people out. I have had tons of guys whip their pensis out and wave it at me and say some pretty disgusting things I dont want to repeat, and even a few have masturbated at me out in the open in public!

I think THAT type of behavior is what people have experienced far too much of. Just be a bit more NORMAL please and just ASK. Some polite conversation will either get you a YES or a NO, and at least the person wont run from you...

Sheesh...

Answer 3

I saw your other question. This is a problem for everyone, gay or straight. Trust me.

I sense that you are in the middle sized burb or city. It would be far better for you to move to a gay friendly city like Frisco, Toronto, or LA. Or any large city for that matter.

Its a question of numbers. With about 5% of the population preferring same sex relationships. If you live in a community of 10,000, there will be about 300 males who find the other males sexually attractive. 200 of those are deep closet. About 100 of those will act it out in the shadow closet level. Most in the deep closet will continue to remain in the closet, often into their graves.

So you likely do have other gays around but if you reside in a "Republican" community there will be gay people but they will be deep closet or seek other gays away from their nests.

I also get the sense that you are very young. Under 20 is very young. Grocery stores used to be trendy for finding others but that's an urban myth.

For this guy I next time you see him tell him that you are sort of new in this neighborhood and sort of lost about things. Ask him if he has enough for a coffee? If he says yes. Then ask him to join you over at the nearest coffee shop or burger joint.

If he says no. Cheerfully say sure maybe later have a good day.

If the first option goes a short conversation. The one I like to ask is if there is a group or club to join around here.

You see. You got it backwards. Heterosexuals have a far tougher time connecting and an easier time connecting. Its a paradox. Straight men and women are all over the place. They have a lot of choices that shift from time to time and location to location. In the straight community you gotta keep shifting to keep up with the trends. Women set the trends and they want a soul mate. The gay community will adopt trends but they don't shift all that much because trends aren't that important.

There are so few gay people compared with the numbers in the straight population that once in the loop it is a smaller more accommodating loop. Once you strike up a relationship either in simple friendship or deeper quality you will find other gays.

Its not unlike the straight world. In my youth I drifted from city to city in western Canada. In every community, I had the same problem as you. Find a sexual friend. The first one was the hardest because as the 1st Nations people would say, this aint your hunting ground bub.

However once I got one girlfriend then phazooom women all over the place. It begged the question every time. "Where were you when I was single?"

In your case you have the same problem. Find one boyfriend then you should get a whole clatch of them. So thats the strategy but now you need the terrain in this little game.

You said that you tried everything. I don't think you have though. Here are more options. The advantage with this is to simply get close enough to strike up a conversation. And by simply speaking with someone you find out their preferences. Otherwise it is too easy to misinterpret their communication to you. Many people just like to meet new friends to simply socialize.

Here is the order for you to consider.

1. Join a church. Hey even if you don't believe, if there is a god, he made you gay. Then. He's got to help you and take responsibility. Best to look in one of his house's.

Select a gay friendly denomination. The Methodist or United Church of Canada is the best. They are very gay tolerant.

Catholic is the second best. Yes I know they officially decry homosexuality and birth control. Most of the women take the pill anyway. Despite the official sanctions and official stance to the contrary a very high percentage of the Catholic clergy are gay and males. They put in the requirement that clergy must be celibate and chastity is a lot harder for heterosexuals. Its a pheramone thing. And since 40% of the population is Catholic to begin with we're talking the numerical advantage.

If 40% of the city population is Catholic then 40% of the gays will likely be Catholic. Never hunt a water buffalo in Greenland, they aren't there. We are talking statistical advantage.

2. Volunteer at social service agencies. Serve meals to the homeless or poor. That sort of thing.

3. Join a sports club or music club or gym. If you can take up a physical activity like soccer then thats good. Many gay males are into keeping fit. If you still live at home parents are soft touches to pay for the membership. If you are on your own, this is an investment.

4. The last is cyber hunting. Remember you just need a foot in the door to make the first friend. Online matching in the gay community does work. It works better than in the straight community. However the same rules apply as in the straight world.

There are a lot of gay matching sites and Yahoo has one of those sites too. You will often find another person near you. Select a public low cost place to first meeting like Macs or coffee shop. Then maybe even a second meeting as a lunch date. Then find activities you would like to do in the company of the other like an arcade or billiards or golf or watch a baseball game. Or a party or small gathering of his and or your friends. Then go from there if it gets serious remember - be safe.

Answer 4

there are likely a great variety of reason - alongside with the excitement of being seen or caught appeals to a pair human beings. yet i think for some gay men sneaking off to out of how restrooms turns right into a existence-style by way of fact society has made it so very perplexing for gay human beings to have regular, open relationships. Many get married to the alternative intercourse to thrill society and family individuals then land up sneaking around.

Answer 5

Stopping to talk would be OK but I doubt I'd ask anyone out before I get to know them. Some will freak out completely if another guy asks them out.
Chat him up. Get to know more than the body and face, then decide.

Answer 6

Why would a guy ask another guy out?
That is really quite a strange question.
I will be both angered and saddened next time a man asks me out
However I will let him be, because its his way of life.

Answer 7

I have a feeling you're trolling. He "took off his shirt" while you passed by him while he was working at a grocery store? That sounds like a sexual fantasy not reality.

If you're not a troll then ask him out. He took off his shirt and then talked to you. You can't get much more blatantly obvious.

Answer 8

I think you should just say to him,"what will happen if this night you and I suddenly are making love to each other?" Surely he will be turned on and go on date with you immediately

Answer 9

I agree with IndyT you should talk to him and find out what he likes and get to know each other..If he is interested he will want to talk to you.

Answer 10

Go for it.. Jump him in the produce section.