Suppose you were dating a woman, and when you brought up the topic of sex with her, she became extremely uncomfortable - she refuses to offer sex, because she was once raped & is afraid to involve in sex. What would you do in this situation? If you encouraged her to seek professional counseling, would it be guaranteed to work well? If it didn't work, would you wait until marriage for sex?
2007-02-20 22:09:10 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
that depends on how you feel about her .If you care alot and think you can handle the situation with care and understanding the be patient if not and you are not equipped to handle this then do you both a favor and end it now.(If you choose not to deal with this it does not make you a bad person)Some people just handle it better than others and if you cant handle it right you will do her way more harm than good.
2007-02-20 22:24:01 · answer #1 · answered by stegall_sherry 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This woman is not ready to be married or in a serious relationship yet. Counseling can help her, but it's no guarantee. Waiting until marriage for sex is fine, but not if she's just doing it to avoid sex because of her trauma. You have no obligation to continue a relationship like this, because she is not in a place where she can be an equal partner. Encourage her to get help, but don't go any farther with the relationship until she is mentally healthy again. Good luck.
2007-02-21 04:13:08 · answer #2 · answered by Tiss 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you think marriage will change her attitude.
I would suggest therapy. She will need it regardless.
She has dealt with being raped by avoidance. This will
not get any better somehow because you have a wedding.
If you are going to marry her I would be very sure that this
issue is dealt with before you get married. Give her some time
and therapy. But let her know that you will not marry her unless you know that sexuality with you will not be a problem.
It was a terrible thing that happened to her and some people never recover to a normal sex life. I do not think that it makes
you some kind of dog because you wish some assurance before you get married.
Good Luck
2007-02-20 22:58:49 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My friend stop right now. You are getting yourself into a situation with a woman who has not healed from a traumatic event in her life. Unless you want a restrictive, sexless, relationship I caution you against this. I worked with sexual abuse survivors for years. She meaning this woman, wants and needs a very good therapist, and you would need to be extremely patient and I suspect that she feels safe with you. That does not guarantee that a sexual attraction exists. See, that is so buried inside of her. She needs a lot of assistance and frankly, you need to look at why you are wanting to enter into a relationship that will not fulfill you sexually, or in that form of intimacy. However, if you go into this knowing you will probably not be pleased in that manner then it would be your choice and you enter into this with your eyes wide open.
2007-02-20 22:19:45 · answer #4 · answered by Suzanne 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with not having sex before marriage regardless of her past experience. It's called morality, a lost art in todays society. But, that said, are you sure a marriage ring is going to solve all of her problems. I doubt it. Seek help from a marriage counsilor, or other professional, before your wedding.
2007-02-20 22:45:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
will be worth waiting for. ask your self notwithstanding, do you adore her sufficient to be with her continually and always, regardless of if she not at all wanted to have sex because of this harm? frequently, time & love can heal those wounds, yet some human beings take a lengthy time period to heal.
2016-12-04 11:06:33 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was dating somebody and found out they had intimacy issues because they were once raped and traumatized by the event? Well, then I'd get out right then and there and save myself a lot of grief because her problems aren't my problems and only she can fix them.
2007-02-20 22:14:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
dude .you might want to get her some counseling before marriage. its sad about her experience ,but it wasnt you who raped her and its not going to get better after marriage .she needs professional help to get over this traggic event ,but unless you want to spend the rest of your life diddling yourself get her help
2007-02-20 22:16:48 · answer #8 · answered by igiveup 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Depends on the culture to which u belong.
2007-02-21 00:36:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guess that all depends. Do you love her enough to wait? If you do then wait for her if not you have no business even getting married.
2007-02-20 23:00:52 · answer #10 · answered by Lucinda M 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋