Can a marriage survive the death of a child?

Question

Our 4 yr old adopted son died 6 months ago from leukaemia.Watching him go through all the treatments and then losing him in the end almost killed us.After a big confrontation where he insisted I wasn't dealing with it and needed help I walked out and have been staying with a friend for 6 weeks now.Things have been very strained ever since the death and I'm afraid me walking out was the final blow.Where do you go form here?Can my marriage be saved?

Answer 1

get counseling........you are both grieving the loss of your son; let it bring you together and strengthen your bond, not rip it to shreds.....it's neither of your faults that it happend,

Answer 2

I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could say that would make everything okay again but there isn't. I am sure the hurtful words you said to each other were not so much words of anger as words of grief. You both need counseling to help you cope with your loss. Can your marriage survive is a much harder question. Many marriages do not survive but if you are both willing to work hard yours could. It sounds as if you are still talking to each other and that is a good thing. Call your local hospital they will have a list of support groups for grieving parents as well as lists of counselors for those who need more help than the support groups. Talk to your husband and try the counseling. You need each others support right now. I will offer a prayer for you and your husband. I hope the both of you can find some peace in your life.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for your heart break
please except my heart felt sympathy.
Men can't seem to deal with things like grief
they can't bear to see their loved ones hurting &
they can't fix you so they feel helpless &
they are not very good at giving you the comfort that you need for very long as you found out
its not that they don't care they are just so different to females,
they expect you to grieve for a short time & then be over it
when in fact it can take years.
Your man should be told that you can cry & talk of your son when ever you want without any nasty comments from him & that you would appreciate a cuddle instead because him telling you that you should be better by now etc is just making it all worse
now if your man can do all that your marriage will work
but don't forget his anger & comments at you is only his way of dealing with his grief
I hope I helped somehow & Bless you all

Answer 4

I work in a Pediatric Intensive Care unit. Unfortunately I seen death of children often. In my opinion it is the most painful thing a couple can go through. It will either bring you closer or each individual parent deals with it alone and it sometime drives them apart. Maybe professional grief counseling is needed in your situation. I am so sorry for your loss. I can not express it enough. I am so sorry that this has happen to your family. If you still love your husband, and it sounds like you do. Talk to him. Get some counseling, you both probably need it. If you both work on it you can make it. I wish you the best of luck in the future.

Answer 5

Sorry for your loss.
I cannot fathom the anguish you both must be feeling.
I do not know how I would react surviving a child.
People react to grief differently and on a different timetable.
That cannot be avoided.
Maybe you need to go back to your home sit down and agree to start over. If your confrontation was from you avoiding grief then I think you may need to start the process or really, get some therapy.
Strain on the marriage was unavoidable. Its time to suck it up and get back to life.

Answer 6

Y not! It is possible to save your marriage still!

Let him cool down first and come to senses. Meanwhile, just do some introspection about urself. For a moment consider that he was right and check yourself whether he was right! If u think yes, to some extent, though inadvertently! Accept the fault openly and plead for excuse!

Sure, he would change his mind. Probably, u can suggest another one, adopted child, which can refill the vacuum created by the other child.

Think positive, be positive and approach positively, u will save what u wanted!

Wish u all the best!

Answer 7

Hey lady,

Let me tell you something. I am from India and I can tell you that when worse things happen, the family that sticks together comes out happier in the end. Its the experience you had with your man. Ofcourse your marriage can be saved, You must want it to be saved though. Its what you go through that hone you to be more comfortable with him and more able to adjust with him. There are many people who lose 5 children to miscarriages even whey they have tried for years. They become so close that it brings tears to your eyes. Who wants to meet a new man, get to know him, make him get to know your needs when the man you ultimately married too is there for you, knows when you feel sick, hangs with you when you cry and stays there with your wrinkles start to deepen.... If you are super independent and want to leave him for other reasons then make that decision but when you are happy with him and he is honourable to you then why why why why?

Read the bible, pray more and count your blessings. Marriage is such a honour and to lose it for the sake of a child who died is the worst case scenario you can think off. I am sure the baby boy who died wants you both to be happy and not fight each other off for nothing at all. If this man truly loves you and wants you badly, then you are one lucky hell of a woman and to lose him is a bad choice. You need to be happy with this man you married. There are cases where spouses cheat.. and if any man or woman did so is worth divorcing but what of a loving husband who goes thru the same remorse of you. He does not deserve to be blamed. Instead he needs your arms around him to comfort him which deepens your relationship making you both mature as time moves on.

Hurry! Go back to him and save your marriage. love MG

Answer 8

take it from a pearnt that has lose a child,,,,we lost our son 8 years ago, an it the worse hurt a person can feel., i know, people will say ooo i know how you feel, but till they lost a child, they dont, it going to put your married to the biggest test, you every face,,,you may had trouble in your married, but any one married know this, Now you ask can a marriage, a deatjh of a child,,, Yes, yes,,,,, but it not going to be easy,,,, we blame our self of the death, an in some cases, we plame our mate,,, you are hurtting so bad you just want to en d,it,,,, but first you got to set the ground rules, you cant blame the other mate for the lost,,, then you both got to be willing to talk it out,..when you start this,you got a starting point,....dont let friend try to tell you what they think best, they i know are hurtting,an trying to help, but some time they do more harm than good, for this is between you an you soul mate, Talk talk a lot to you mate, get it out,, cry an wash the soul,,,,i not going to tell you it get easy in a few mouth, it going to take a lot of time an work,,,,,i for one blame my self of our son,, i thought i should done more, but , looking back, i know i did all i could in my powe to do, so yes you can ,but you got to both be willing to work at it,,, god bless an hope you both the best of luck

Answer 9

i'm so sorry. I desire there replaced into some thing i ought to assert that could make each thing ok lower back yet there is not any longer. i'm specific the hurtful words you pronounced to one yet another weren't a lot words of anger as words of grief. You the two desire counseling that should assist you cope including your loss. Can your marriage proceed to exist is a much extra reliable question. Many marriages do no longer proceed to exist yet once you're the two prepared to artwork hard yours ought to. it looks you're nevertheless speaking to one yet another and that's a reliable concern. call your community wellness facility they might have a catalogue of help communities for grieving mothers and dads besides as lists of counselors for people who desire extra help than the help communities. communicate on your husband and examine out the counseling. you desire each and each others help suitable now. i'll supply a prayer for you and your husband. i wish the the two one in all you will discover some peace on your existence.

Answer 10

First of all I like to express my sympathy to both of you.

Everybody is dealing different with different situations. Maybe to your husband it looked as if you were not dealing with your sons death. I can imagine it must have hurt him. You both had and are having a hard time so you both need support. Who could be better than the one who went throught all this with you? If you still love your husband don't let him go. Give him a sign that you are willing to comunicate with him (maybe you want to start slowly so tell him this)

I'm wishing you good luck.

Answer 11

That sounds like an incredible loss. Both of you must be hurting desperately. You both need each other and have little in the way of resources left to give. It sounds like outside help is the only way for you both to get what you need until you are again able to provide for each other. Don't lose each other at this terribly sad time. Call him and let him know that you are willing to get help and that you'd like him to go with you. Support groups are sometimes helpful during times of grief. Good luck.