Is a 14 year old boy too old?

Question

My daughter is a very mature 12 year old.She likes a boy at school who is 14.They chat on the phone most nights and i have told her he is too old for her to have as a boyfriend.I don't want to be too strict with her as she might go behind my back and go out with him.Please help.She is growing ip so fast.

Answer 1

You're right. Not only is he too old, she's too young to have boyfriends at all. Make her wait a year or two.

If she goes behind your back, ground her. She's still a child and you're her mother.

Answer 2

To you I am sure that he is too old. Any boy calling or knocking at your door will have something undesirable about him, that is according to you. Come on mom, be cool. Take them to supervised movies, where you and hubby/friend set away from them, set time limits on the phone and have him over on weekends. Get to know this boy, see if he really likes her, or really likes her because he may think she is naive. Undoubtedly, we all know boys take a few extra years to catch up maturity wise, raging hormones and all. If she is mature as you say, she probably has the good sense to pick a nice boy and not a sleaze.
Unless you mean mature as in physically developed, then look out mom! Just kidding, but: Welcome to the teenage years! Don't be too harsh with your rules however, you know that works in reverse, we all did stuff behind our parents' backs and most of us survived with experience tucked in our belt. Don't try to hold her hand forever, let go every once in a while and let her make decisions and gain the knowledge alone. She will always come back to you if you have an open heart and an ear to listen, close either one and she may not tell you much after that. Try to remember your time as a teen, and use it to your advantage. She will love you anyways, but even more so for making your relationship a democracy not a monarchy.

Answer 3

I wouldn't say he's too old - they're both still really kids. I'd rather have my 12 year old seeing a 14 year old than my 16 year old seeing an 18 year old. The relationships when they're older are a lot different. I'd say your daughter's relationship would be pretty innocent at 12 & 14, but make sure she knows how you feel about how far she takes things. As you said - if you're too strict she'll go behind your back, and wouldn't it be better to know where your daughter is and what she's doing, rather than have her hanging out down the park with her boyfriend? Make him feel welcome, & then you can keep an eye on things without it looking too obvious what you're doing. Good luck, because this is just the beginning! :)

Answer 4

When I was that age a boyfriend was here today gone tomorrow. It was innocent fun that didn't even involve a single kiss. However, how things have changed. Alcohol, drugs and sex are happening at earlier ages these days. At shocking rates! Be careful and try to be involved in her relationships, one thing that hasn't changed is that you are her mother. You will know if you are right, if she is likely to go behind your back if you restrict her. I would have appreciated a mother/friend growing up, but at the same time my mum always encouraged me to bring my social life home. She got to know my male and female friends and see what makes us laugh, what makes us cry and what trouble or what good we bought about that day. We loved it and she loved it. In fact, I live 3 hours away from her now, but I visited on the weekend and mum even commented then, how much she misses the laughter, the fun and the parties my friends and I had at home. This is an intro to teenage years, being there for her no matter what, is the best advice I can give.

Answer 5

That's a difficult one, i would say it depends on if she's nearly 13 or if he's nearly 15? If she's only just 12 and he nearly 15 then yes you should stop them.

Not trying to scare monger, but many boys are sexually active around 14 so I think you need to have a chat with her - is she is mature she will understand where your coming from.

If they're at the same school together there is not much point in trying to stop them seeing each other.

Not an easy one. Good luck though

Answer 6

This isn't going to be an answer you or any parent wants to hear, but you have to let go a little bit. She is growing up. She will start dating and all that good stuff but if you're over protective or forbid her from something she will rebel, and if she rebels now at 12, when shes about 15 or 16 you're apt to have a real problem child. just let her live and make her mistakes and learn from them. this relationship isnt going anywhere. in 2 week you'll be in her room patting her back while she bawls her eyes out but if you dont let her experiance it she will never know and wont learn and grow from it these things. It's hard but give her a little room (not too much though, we all know how boys are ha) so set rules they need to follow and enforce them but let her live, love, and learn

Answer 7

I think it depends on the maturity of the boy, some 14 year old boys could still be quite immature for their age. I can imagine your dilemma, my daughter is 10 this year and am dreading the boyfriends and going out with friends things that are coming up. Maybe you should have a chat with your daughter too, lay out a few ground rules if you do allow her to go out with him.

Answer 8

if he's only one grade older than her, then that's not a big deal....I think that the grade difference is more significant than the age difference. And, I think you're right that if you're too strict she might go behind your back. I think you should let him talk to him on the phone as much as she wants (as long as it doesnt interfere with family time, homework time, etc.), and let her hang out with him....just make sure that they are not left along in her or his room with the door shut. asking that she keep the door open when he's over and asking his mom that she do the same when she's over is perfectly legit. Just make sure and talk to her and let her know why you're concerned and taking certain precautions....the fact that he's older is something of concern in that you probably have to be a bit more careful about him than you would with another 12 year old.

Answer 9

You should just always be there for her. Time goes quick and its time now that she will be feeling like a young lady and wants to explore herself, let her do so. You HAVE to let her make her own mistakes, she will never learn anythingif you are always there to stop her or pick up the pieces. I know she is still young, but then so is the 14 year old boy. Its only a two year age gap, they are still the same "generation", its not as if he is 16.

If you show your daughter love, which i am pretty sure you do,she will not crave love from no sh1t wa*ker that comes along, she will not be desperate like most young girls nowadays, therefore, she wont be taken the mick out of. Trust her like she trusts you. That way you wil always be there for each other when the goin gets though hey!! x

Answer 10

It all depends really…. I know people who dated in the 5th grade.. I do remember back to those days. You know that their body is doing strange things inside. Maybe supervised dates would be al lright but nothing alone.

Just try and remember when you were a child. YES, a child. You growing inside with no control over your emotions. As a parent you can now see why we have to control those emotions. But the child can only control so far. They understand that adults have relationships with much older people. But can not understand why they can’t. You can not come out and say, “I don’t trust him cause he’s to old.” That means you don’t trust her. (Which is VERY understandable, I wouldn’t either. Peer pressure) But you have to make it look like you trust them.

This is the age when the tether is still connected to the child. You have to use it like a fishing line. Let them swim out and test the waters but then reel them back in when it gets to dangerous but not drive the hook to deep to scar.

Me. I would take them on supervised dates. (Yea, It means you have to go to the skating rink, some dumb movies, and maybe Burger King.) This lets the line out. But then tell her she will NOT see this boy alone and to respect your wishes. Because you are letting her do more than what you did as a kid. (even if that’s a lie.) Also.. It sounds like some piano lessons or other after school activity is needed to focus this energy away. Piano, Tumbling, a musical instrument, karate <-Good One…

Good luck.. Puppy Love sometimes BITES!!

Answer 11

No he's not too old, but I think it's cause for concern. If you haven't had serious conversations about sex and boys w/ her you are behind. It's important to show your daughter a little bit of trust. Maybe allow her to see him while you're around or in group settings. Unfortunately you can't trust her much further than you can throw them, but you're right. A zero tolerance policy on boys is not a good option. I believe you'll always get better results w/ some degree of compromise.