What is your personal experience?
How long have you been married?
How old were you?
Do you think it was too young/too old?
How successful is your marriage?
Do you think the age you got married and/or the length of time you dated had an effect on your overall relationship?
People often commented that my husband and I were too young to get married and have kids. We were 19 and 20, and had dated for 2 years. We've now been married for 2 years. I personally think that we are doing great, and it kinda baffles me that people can judge us like that. Both sets of my grandparents got married really young, after only a couple months of dating, and have been married almost 60 years now. Please share your personal thoughts on the subject.
2007-02-20 19:38:42 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In my experience I have found that it doesn't matter either way. At 19 I dated my first husband for about 10 months, and our marriage lasted 8 weeks, (he was abusive and a cheater). At 20, my second husband and I dated for about 15 months before getting engaged and married 9 months later. We have been married almost 7 years. My sister dated this guy for two weeks and then married him. They divorced about 3 years later because she couldn't have kids.
My thought is that it doesn't matter how old you are or how long you dated, back when our parents and grandparents got married they were taught that marriage is forever. Our generation doesn't have the same values that previous generations have had.
If two young people get married in today's world and honestly give their marriage their all, then I say they are doing a wonderful and beautiful thing. Personally, I want to celebrate 50 years with my husband, I can't think of any better way to be when I am old.
Hope this helps.
2007-02-20 19:58:53 · answer #1 · answered by Someonesmommy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
my husband and i have been married for 2 years, but we dated for 7 years before marriage, we were 23 & 24 when we got married. In my case i think if we got married any earlier we would have got divorced. After we had our son who is 4 we had lots of problems which we were very young but now it is like when we first meet we are closer probably than we have ever been. Im very glad we waited so long to get married. But on the other hand my parents got married when they were 17 & 18 and have now been married 31 years, granted they had many issues throughout the years(more than my husband and i ever will hopefully) but they worked through it which is what marriage is all about.I don't think either young or old matters it is the people that make a marriage not the age you done it!!!!!!!
2007-02-21 06:08:48 · answer #2 · answered by michelle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the success of a marriage has more to do with commitment to making it work than how old you were when you got married or how long you dated. It does help to really know someone before you are married, though, and I'm not conviced you can do that in a few weeks or months! Having realistic expectaions of marriage and your spouse helps you keep going when the initial "honeymoon period" has ended.
I met my husband in college - we dated for a few months, then were friends for two more years before we started dating again. We got married right after graduation and were both just under 22 years old. We did go to premarital counseling before our wedding and both feel that this helped us talk about our expectations and what we wanted our marriage and family to be like. We'll be celebrating our 12th anniversary this spring and I believe that our relationship is stronger now than it was when we took our vows. We both believe that love is a choice, not a feeling and that's what gets us through the hard times. And trust me, we've had our hard times. Sometimes you just don't feel loving, but you can't just throw in the towel and look for the warm-fuzzy, exciting feelings elsewhere. That's where the commitment comes in. We have a strong marriage which is the foundation for our family. We've got 4 kids to think about and be role models for now!
I'm glad to hear that you are doing great in your marriage. I would encourage you to make the time to keep your relationship with your husband your first priority. Kids can take up so much time and energy that you have none left over and your marriage can suffer for it. Stay commited to making your marriage work and someday you'll be celebrating your 60th anniversary, too!
2007-02-21 04:53:03 · answer #3 · answered by poohs_house67 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is no rule. Of course knowing someone before getting married can help but it doesn't guarantee success.
In my opinion the sooner two people start acting like marriage couple, the better - I mean trying to share a place, learning of habits, etc. It's better to do that before marrying but apart from that I don't think that marrying young is equal to failing.Chances are even for younger and older couples.
I was married for 7 years now + 1.5 of living together before, married at 25 but it didn't help us much - we couldn't find a way to say each other about our problems and we grew apart, so now we are divorcing. All others were saying our marriage was ideal but I wasn't happy in it and it was enough to lead all that to the end.
2007-02-21 04:08:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am married to my high school sweetheart. We have been married now only a year and a half because I asked him to wait until after I graduated college to marry me. He waited until the day after I graduated to propose. We have been together for 7 years and have lived together for 4 years. I am now 24 and he is 26. We have a great life together and are as happy as can be. I think the fact that we really knew each other and that he was willing to wait for me to finish my education says alot about how this marriage is going to work out! He is willing to do anything for me and our marriage. I don't think that it matters what age that you get married but make sure to only do so if you really love someone and you feel that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Also allow yourself enough time to really get to know the person and know what makes them tick or their downfalls. Sometimes when people get married, they overlook the small things at first that may get on their nerves later. I give you props for following true love, with age being no boundary. Good luck to you in the future. I wish you a bright one so that you can prove wrong all the ones that judge you! :)
2007-02-21 04:16:16 · answer #5 · answered by Cris 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've been married for six wonderful years. I was 25 when I got married. I don't think that I was too young or too old...it just felt like the right time. Besides finances, due to our recent addition to our family I feel that my marriage is rock solid.
My husband and I knew each other from childhood which I think helps our relationship tremendously...we grew up together. We were together for 9 months before getting engaged and tied the knot three years after that. We've been going strong ever since.
I think the key for a rock solid marriage is love, communication, respect, and most of all putting God in the center of it all. I'm elated to have found my soul mate as he completes me.
2007-02-21 04:15:42 · answer #6 · answered by Mom of One in Wisconsin 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with mommy 2 be june baby & tater. I too have had and know of many different situations pertaining to marriage that there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY OF KNOWING what the outcome of a marriage is going to be. For example, I was 20 and he was 23. I was 5 mths along. But we had dated for 2 years. And I had never seen him cheat on me....UNTIL OUR WEDDING NITE at our RECEPTION. Then he continued to do so; many times..with many girls including my so called best friends & even family ...during our next 3 yrs of marriage. I am now happily separated and divorced for 8 years now. Another example; my mother and 3rd step-father(last one)dated for 6 yrs...then married...shortly after divorced...but still are a couple...only difference...they live in separate houses. Get along much better.
2007-02-21 04:23:47 · answer #7 · answered by shaylea29 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got pregnant when I was still in high school (senior year) and stayed with the baby's daddy. We are high school sweet-hearts I guess you'd say! We've been together since and are now married for 8 years...and counting! We have achieved a lot during the years (3 kids now, a home, and steady jobs) and the best thing about it is that we accomplished it all together. It's something that we both take pride in I guess. Our love just keeps getting better as the days go by!
2007-02-21 04:16:10 · answer #8 · answered by impossiblemama 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hiya I got married at 18 and have just seperated 10 years and 3 kids later.
I think it is harder when you get together young simply because often you havn't found out who you are yet. But if you are both happy to accept change and let the other person grow then it can work out.
I think the most important thing is to talk talk talk and not expect the other person to be your be-all and end-all.
Yip wish someone had told me that 10 years ago-not that I would have listened LOL
2007-02-21 04:50:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I was 28 when I got married, after knowing my husband three years - dated for the last two of them. I knew his older brother longer; he was our parish priest, and my dad was the deacon.
We have been married almost 18 years - totally happily, with the love growing and deepening over the years. Lots of fun and lust, still. Overcame lots of things, as many couples tend to go through, but since we were on the same side, everything always worked out okay. Have one child, born two years after we were married.
Yes, I believe the length of time you know and date someone matters. Family is important to me, so it was imperative they and he got to know each other well, and that he knew what he was getting into; my family is close, and I have five siblings. His family situation was very different, as he was from Eastern Europe. What mattered a lot is that we are of similar ethnicity and the same religion - very important to both of us, and crucial to a cohesive family unit.
I really think it pays to wait for marriage. The guy who asked me to marry him when I was 19, was definitely not the one I would have chosen in my mid-twenties. The one who asked me just as I was starting to know my husband, at mid-twenties, was not the right one either. One's brain doesn't even mature until 25 or so, and you are definitely not the same person at 20, mid-20s, late 20s. You grow and mature with life experiences. I think before a person gets married she should finish her post-secondary education, get a job and get started in her career, live independently on her own and face reality by paying rent, bills, etc, expand network of social contacts, and just in general learn about herself and the world around her. That way, she is bringing her best SELF into a marriage.
In prior generations, lets say 2 generations back, women got married young because they had to go right from their parents' home to their husband's home. These days things are totally different. It doesn't mean that now if a couple gets married young, it won't work, but the two must be mature and totally committed. I have an older brother who got married at 20, had a child, then became a jerk and had a crisis in his mind where he wanted to be single again, so he started just acting bizarre, bought a motorcycle, put the family in debt, had an affair, got another woman pregnant, and just trashed their life. Then, years later, when his son got married young as well, I think all of us in our family were really worried, but they have been happily together for over ten years, I guess, and all is well. So, it's hard to judge.
I just think everyone who is married, or thinking of getting married, really has to understand that marriage is hard work - no two ways about it. But it all is worth it, because there is nothing else like it!
2007-02-21 09:18:03 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋