suppose u know her very well, and know the following facts
- they had a bad relationship, as in - they had a nice time together and all, but at the end of it, it got a little messed up, cause he was not the most faithful of guys, well - she used to lie to him alot as well.
- they were in love, but called it off.
- she is still compleatly in love with him, and says that he is the one who makes her smile...
- he slept and moved in with his ex while he was still dating her
- he is now sort of back with his ex - girlfriend - and he told this 20 yr old girl, that he has been in love with her for 4 years
- the girl and the guy - 1 yr, but never had a physical relationship
well, - what would u say
if u know she was crushed and hurting
what would u say? how do u console her? please advice and say something
thanks
2007-02-20 18:59:38 · 8 answers · asked by Franky 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I...oh dear I spent ages answering your last question and then it was deleted. Ahh well. Here is my new answer.
1) -IT is not your fault, and you do not deserve to be cheated on
2) -you are better off without him
3) -just because bad things have happened to you, it does not make you a bad person
4) -letting go is the best thing that you can do for yourself
5) -no matter how many people tell your that they would have done something differently, they were never in your shoes, and therefore would never know what they would have done in your position. So let their words slide. They don't hold any true value.
6)-You will get over him eventually, and in the meantime you will gain confidence and strength in your decision. Hopefully you will gain enough love for yourself to realize that no one deserves to be treated this way, and that includes you.
7) You already knows that he is not good for you. There are people who will make you feel good, and not hurt you like this. Also, remind yourself that you don't need another person to feel good about yourself.
8) It's important that you don't isolate yourself too much, even if you feel like it. Try to get some exercise, eat well, and go out alone or with friends.
9) Accept that it happened to you and not someone else...this is YOUR story and YOU need help. It's ok to ask for help. We all do at different points in our lives.
10) NO event in a person's life says anything about WHO they are. Things happen to everyone, whether good or bad. Your identity, your personality constantly changes. Nothing that anyone can do to you IS you, and you don't have to let anything change who you are.
People have hurt you in the past, and I feel sad for you, but you can turn your experiences around and understand that everything that you experience will give you a unique perspective and story that no one else has. The more you experience, the more prepared you will be for bad situations in the future, and you will also have greater empathy for those experiencing similar problems. You can use them to help others if you chose.
11) Just because you are unfortunate, and have had many bad people in your life, it doesn't mean that you are to blame, that you are not unlovable or unworthy of good things, so don't treat yourself like it does. You have just had a very hard time. Be patient with yourself, and give yourself time to heal.
I wish you the very best. You'll be ok, and you will get through this. All of these things I am saying to you, and I mean every word of it, honestly. I have had similar experiences, and I have managed to make it my strength. You will too.
2007-02-20 21:18:13 · answer #1 · answered by ladyofthemystnin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lot of better things to think/act about rather than a broken relationship - that too at the age of 20 !!!!
The girl should start thinking about her friends, ppl close to her heart , how she is much better off than all those other ppl who have not even had this kind of learning exp. Guess she should be able to choose her next boy friend more carefully..!
2007-02-21 03:07:12 · answer #2 · answered by HariSeldon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would first ask her if she still trusted him and if the answer was anything other than yes, I would then say that without trust, any relationship will fail. I would also tell her that sometimes the things we want and how we want them to turn out, are sometimes pipe dreams. Yes it hurts and sometimes you think that your life is over. But life is a journey, there tends to be a few potholes along the way.
2007-02-21 03:16:25 · answer #3 · answered by James G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you, but he didn't love you. If he did, you'd still be together and he wouldn't have cheated on you. I'd tell her that she's 20 years old and it's time for her to look for a man, not a boy. Real men don't cheat.
2007-02-21 03:10:41 · answer #4 · answered by Wiseass 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt say - Id ask her to talk and let it all out.
The end of any relationship takes a little while to overcome be with friends and re-establish what it is for YOU to have fun.
2007-02-21 03:08:47 · answer #5 · answered by Freethinking Liberal 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i hv a frnd thts actually going through this...i felt i was readin her problems while i was reading yours...i tell her to take it slow...not rush into things...nt forget him totally and nt go back to him....first thing first, forgive him...second there are loads ov ppl out there waitin to fall in love with you....third there are agn loads ov ppl hu care 4 u......try to forget him. it'll take sm while...bt it'll soon be over. let him say things to u, juzz take them in gud humour....nd on top of all of this...learn to ignore him/.....best part of all is this only...learn to ignore....he'll feel like hell.
{And yeh, i was talkin abt the girl you mentioned here...not you:-)}
2007-02-21 03:18:31 · answer #6 · answered by supreety2k 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That girl was you. Though its easier said, move on with you life and get someone else. Forget him, cos he is not coming back.
2007-02-21 03:14:13 · answer #7 · answered by Miriam I 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Misery loves company. Just be there for her and keep her busy and don't let her get back with that guy.
2007-02-21 03:13:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋