I am a 35 year old, fulfilled, happily engaged woman who has the career I have always dreamed of, the freedom to do anything at anytime & to go anywhere I please (we love to travel & do so often). We live in New York City & I LOVE my life THE WAY IT IS! When I was about 10 years old I started earning extra $ babysitting & realized I do not want anything to do with this kid stuff. Never ONCE since then have I thought differently. All thru my 20's now in my 30's, Kids=NO WAY. Yet I get a lot of flack from my miserably married friends who are parents. They are tired all the time, grumpy, & miserable at their jobs because they now have to support a family. They gave up their dreams to do this. Consider that 60% of all pregnancies are accidents & that women spend more time choosing a mate than deliberating how/when to have a child. SO LEAVE US happy childless people alone! Not all women are obligated to define ourselves by whether we BREED or not! Some of us have a higher calling in life!
2007-02-20 17:25:26 · 14 answers · asked by NYchickenGal 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
Oh & for those of you who feel sorry for me, PUH-LEASE! DON'T. I feel sorry for YOU. You couldn't pay me to have the life you have. Take the kids to school, do homework, cook 4 meals a day, clean, wipe s**t, clean more, REPEAT for 20 years, then live for the weekends to go to Walmart & the mall, please. F**K that! HOW MANY OF YOU bragging MOMMIES who LOVE your life so much have even been to Europe? Or even to New York City? Did YOU live your dream yet? When your kids are all grown up what will you do then? You still have to contribute in some way to yourself & to society your special talent. Giving birth doesn't take talent. Oh that's right! Most parents unhealthily hold on to their kids as long as they can INSTEAD of teaching them how to be a valuable asset to society & to make responsible decisions. All you mommies love Oprah for instance! GUESS WHAT!? SHE is childless too & by choice! So suck on that. Yes cooing, obsessive, societal conforming baby lovers are annoying!
2007-02-20 18:32:38 · update #1
Ooooh, how I agree with you, my friend. It's as if they think you're useless because you don't want to f'cking copulate. It's so archaic and almost animalistic that they assume that reproduction is a human being's (or female human being's, rather) highest calling in life. They act as though because we're childless, we're "unhappy, unsettled, incomplete messes". In no way am I trying to convince anyone of this, but as a side note, NO, I'm NOT an unhappy person. I laugh loud, and often. I live quite the cushy lifestyle and and extremely content right now. We're unhappy? Sweetie, you've gotten less than 4 hours of sleep, have bags under your eyes, throw-up all over your t-shirt, and you're snapping at your husband for leaving the seat up. This is what your life has been diminished to, but you're ok with that because it's a majoritorial status many women find themselves in. We're not all cold-hearted, self-centered bitches who work for high-powered law firms (I used to donate, at the tender age of fourteen, my own money to animal shelters,) we don't have hormonal imbalances (what? idiot!) ... we just don't want to oooh and ahhh and spew cutesy names all over some video of cheesy baby humor where the kid farts baby powder. There is so much more to life. Unfortunately, you're too busy rewinding your Baby Genius videos.
2007-02-20 17:47:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 2⤋
Some people think it's unnatural, as illustrated by a previous answerer, because most women want and/or have children and they can't understand why someone wouldn't. There are those who label that decision selfish as well, because many women who decide not to have children make that choice because they prefer a mobile lifestyle. The idea is not particularly rational in my opinion, but I suppose it's based on the idea that the miracle of life is ample compensation for losing some freedom, and any suggestions to the contrary, true though they might be for some people, are frowned upon for the faux-pas that they've become. There are even those who feel that it is a woman's duty to procreate (if she's able), whether to continue her line (or her husband's line) or contribute to society. It is, perhaps, an archaic belief, but it's surprisingly common, even if it's not always expressed that way.
On a more personal note, I respect your decision not to have children. I do, however, think it's unfair and slightly hypocritical to complain that people disrespect your choice, and then to criticize people who choose to have children. To each her own and 'a higher calling' can't be given a single definition or attributed to a certain type of person (i.e. those who don't have children/have children/whatever). For some people, motherhood is their foremost aspiration, and that is as much their right as it is yours to have a different dream.
2007-02-20 18:11:51 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Women are conditioned to believe that they should be mothers. Most women want to be mothers. My mother was no exception, she graduated from college and years later got married. A number of years later I was born as planned. I plan on doing it that exact same way. Having said all of that, I can say this, I see what the problem is: You are the EXCEPTION!!
I have to agree with you, children are a responsibility and will change your life. I think it's really sad your married friends are causing you distress, you'd think they'd be able to present a better picture of harmony and balance. They need to respect your decision and look around to see if there are any potential friends you can add to your life who either support you or share your point of view.
2007-02-20 18:00:53 · answer #3 · answered by Sweetgirl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Can I give my answer even though I have a daughter? Everyone has a different dream. My only dream in life was to be a mom. But if your dream was your career then good for you. I have noticed that people look down on women who don't have children, but I look down on women who have a career feel like they should have kids then have someone else raise them. To me they just shouldn't have had kids.
2007-02-20 17:43:28 · answer #4 · answered by gitsliveon24 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I do not think less of your choice. heck I think its more responsible to choose not to have a child then to have one when ya don't want to. like so many other people do.
Lots of great parents out there and lots of very bad ones too. I wish they would have made the same choice.
Some people just don't know what is really involved in it, if they did they would have thought twice about it.
Your right many so called moms become depressed, bitter, angry etc. etc.
2007-02-20 17:32:39 · answer #5 · answered by CelticFairy 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well, despite the derision in your question for those of us who are mothers and like it, let me try to explain it from our side. I believe the raising of the next generation or be the HIGHEST calling in life because it involves a great deal of self-sacrifice in order to guarantee there will be a future for my community, my nation and my species. I don't think less of you because you choose not to have children, it is probably the best decision in your case. I gave up no dreams to be a mom, my dream is to be a good mom, to give my kids the tools and skills they need to be great adults. I gain fulfillment from that. I'm not some uneducated trash that can't keep my legs together, I am a college-educated scientist and linguist. The antagonism stems from two sources, your fear that I think less of you and the guilt society tries to pin on me for not working outside the home. As a mother, everyone in both real life and the media says I should be doing something else, I either am not contributing to society because I do not work or I am robbing my children of time because I do. It is easy for me to assume that your lack of children will cause you to believe me to be "breeder-trash" and less of a woman beause I do not work. That fear can become antagonism if I have low self-esteem.
The converse is also true. I have given up any selfish pursuits like a career or playtime and hobbies in order to raise children, a deep-seated fear that you may be selfish can rear its ugly head in moments when your self-esteem takes a particularly low dip and you fear that I think of you as selfish and immature.
I am very proud of my children and very proud of my job as a mother. I expect you to respect that and acknowledge that you and the society you live in needs mothers and fathers. In return, I respect that there are jobs that need to be done and you do one of those. Not all of us are obligated to define ourselves by our bankroll and have a higher calling to propagate the species and ensure the future of humanity. Please remember that you had a mother and that motherhood is important even if you cannot or do not want to do it. Most of us are tired, we earned it through hard work, but we deserve the respect you demand. I am not grumpy, I am not miserable, I have three children and did not mean to get pregnant when I did with any of them but always meant to be a mom. Your attitude that your work is somehow a higher calling in life is why you meet with such animosity. I have the BEST job, and everyone has the right to think that their job is awesome.
2007-02-20 18:28:44 · answer #6 · answered by Huggles-the-wise 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
You are so right. I'm dating someone who has a child. It can be kind of fun in VERY short bursts, but I definately knwo that I do NOT want kids either. I really can't understand why other people do, but that's their choice and if they get something out of it good for them.
You might want to check out this website.
http://www.happilychildfree.com/goals.htm
2007-02-20 18:11:01 · answer #7 · answered by M L 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I understand you deeply. I don't like kids and I don't want them. Having kids seems like a trap because you can have them with a person you truly don't love and it won't be good at all. I don't want to support anyone else but myself and I want to spend all my money on me.
2007-02-20 23:16:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I agree with you. I don't want to to have kids. I think my life will be over if had kids.
having child's doesn't define me being a woman.
I'm married and me and my husband love to travel,and have fun. Kids will just take my freedom away.
i don't want to end up being bitter,angry,neurotic mom.
i don't want to end up drowning my kids too.
2007-02-20 18:24:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 2⤋
You seem very sure of your decision.
You also seem extremely defensive and bitter.
Most people happy with their lifestyle do not find it necessary to attack others for making a different choice.
I feel sorry for you.
Or maybe I think you are trollish.....
Good luck.
2007-02-20 20:20:58 · answer #10 · answered by Croa 6 · 1⤊ 4⤋