We have been together for 3 yrs. He has a daughter, I love her dearly. His ex-wife hates me and bad mouths me to his daughter. I have tried to get along with his ex, but she is impossible. She even bad mouths my 4-yr old and won't allow the 2 girls to talk on the phone when my fiance calls to talk to his daughter (ex says daughter can talk to my daughter on visitation). She calls my daughter ugly, me fat, ugly, etc, etc. I have never said anything negative about her and have always been friendly and offered to communicate with her (sending emails, pics of her daughter, videos, etc.). She told me to stop. I don't understand why she refuses to be civil and get along for her daughter's best interst. Obviously I can't MAKE her act a certain way. But, is ther any advice on how to get her to see the effects this has on her daughter and try to accept that i am an important part of her life too and we ALL need to get along? (She is remarried & this is considered acceptable)
2007-02-20 16:21:16 · 19 answers · asked by Jennifer S 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My fiance and his ex-wife were divorced when we met due to her adultary with her now husband. I am not trying to "take her place as the mother", but only trying to be a loving, caring step-mother and provide a secure, loving environment to their daughter (my step-daughter) when she is with us. A step-parent is an important role is a child's life and I have been that role for 3 years, even though we are not yet married. That role will continue once we are married. It is no different than the role her husband plays on a DAILY basis as step-father. So, yes I do feel I am important to the child' life, although I am not trying to take anyone's "place", only to fulfill my own role to the best of my ability.
2007-02-20 16:46:04 · update #1
Ok I am going to give you this point of view. My mom hated my step mom for YEARS! I hated my stepmom but not because of what my mom told me but because it shattered my hopes as a child of my parents ever getting back together. I would get along with my stepmom but I never did and still don't call her mom and nothing got me madder then when my dad would say "you can call her mom if you want to"...all you can do is be good to the step child when they they are with you, ignore the mother.
Kids are so smart they can see through BS faster then any adult. Getting along would be great but the ultimate goal is to do what is in the best interest of the child, make time with you and her dad as pleasant as possible.
2007-02-21 01:47:02 · answer #1 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-05 15:45:19 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought for sure she was this animal bc she was bitter about divorce, you having her ex, etc. but if she is remarried I would think she would be more civil. Understand this - there is nothing you can do or say that will change this women. It's probably why your finance/new husband is not with her anymore.
My advice is to take the high road, be kind and loving toward her daughter and never speak ill of her mother in front of the kids. Kids are smart, she'll see that her Mom has a problem and is being the "bad" person in all this. and let the girl know that you care about her, her dad and that you are here for her. If she tells you things her mother says remind her that YOU never talk that way. She'll learn to deal with the bs from her mother (hopefully)
2007-02-20 16:31:00 · answer #3 · answered by Champ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chances are she feels threatened by you because she fears her child liking you more. Once you and your fiance get married and it's put out there that you are here to stay she may realize this and calm down. Right now the only thing you can do is be the adult and do not play her games. Let her do and say what she wants, she will be the one explaining herself in the end. I know it's tough girl, I've been there. His daughter was 3 months old when we met and she hated me for a long time, once we married and she knew that she had no effect on our lives, she stopped acting like a child. Just hang in there and it will get better. Good Luck !!
2007-02-20 16:30:56 · answer #4 · answered by jenny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously she is miserable, and has not been able to move on, even though she is remarried. Look, you seem to be the mature one in this situation. I would suggest to you, just be her daughter's best friend. Let your husband discipline her and eventually all that bad talking and name-calling, the daughter will know in her heart who is the bad seed. It is sad to see this type of behavior. My brother's ex-wife was the same way. She would go off when she knew my brother was with a new girl. She couldn't bear the fact that it was over between them. But now the 3 children are suffering.
Just don't get involve. Do not react to her remarks. Be the better one. Never, ever, stoop to her level. Believe me, her daughter will look up to you than her mother. You will probably be more of the mother figure she needs.
Hang in there, it is a rough ride. If you really love your fianceé and are going to marry him, you are marrying with all his problems.
2007-02-20 16:47:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you important to her daughter? because you are with her FATHER? I'm sorry I can understand why the ex feels this way. She's not ready to accept that your trying to fill her shoes when she's not around. It's bad enough the child had to go through a divorce. And it's bad enough she made a huge mistake and married the wrong man. They both have to deal with that for the rest of their lives.
Put your self in her shoes would you want someone else to take your place just because your ex is WITH another women??. Maybe you should focus more on your kids. And let her be a mother to her daughter. I doubt she's ready to be one big happy family.
2007-02-20 16:37:09 · answer #6 · answered by SecretFriend 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't know where her issues stem from. I honestly do not see how you can get her to see that her attitude is harmful for her child. She sounds pretty childish herself. What you can do is just stop sending her the things you have, as she requested, and just let your fiance deal with her. Maybe in time she will get over her issues. Some people are just hateful.
As far as the crap she says about your child though, I would defend her. I would tell her that she can say whatever she wants about you, you are a grown woman and can defend yourself, but she better step off about talking about your child. That is cruel and uncalled for.
2007-02-20 16:29:18 · answer #7 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She definatly is out of bounds. But, you can't change her, you can only change how you react to her. I think your husband needs to lay down the law with her.....also point out to her that this will only hurt the kids.
Maybe get some group counseling???????
And I agree with the other person who said that maybe you cheated with HER husband and that is why she has an attitude.
You keep things nice on your end of things for the sake of the kids.
2007-02-20 16:39:29 · answer #8 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not acceptable but sometimes you have to be the bigger person. My husband's ex when we first got together she would try to fight me call me names and wouldn't let him see his son or anything, i was young and crazy and pregnant at the time so i pulled a gun on her. we get along now! she used to talk about my kids and run me down to his son,but now he older and sees her for how she really is. just give it time she'll get tired and understand that you're not going anywhere. she just knows what she lost and now she's sad.
2007-02-20 16:36:31 · answer #9 · answered by leslie b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to get along with her to show your affection for your man's daughter. If she is a mean nasty person, then don't even try to be friendly to her. You will care for and love your man's daughter when she comes to visit. That is enough.
2007-02-20 16:31:26 · answer #10 · answered by LuvMyGirls 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋