really need help. my husband says that it is natural for a man's mind to wander and think about sexual relations w/ another woman. No woman in particular, but thoughts will come across a man's head. He has never cheated, but has "played on the Internet" on and off for 5 years. His counselor believes he has a sexual addiction. I feel so also and feel that sexual fantasies of other woman coupled with flirting online mean that he really never wanted to be married. We've been together for 15 years since he was 20.
2007-02-20 16:09:36 · 24 answers · asked by neustarja 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I believe that there's not a person in the world impervious to temptation and that temptation is in itself not so bad. Granted it hurts to know that your mate is or has been tempted by another but it's how they respond to the temptation that matters. Does he push it out of mind or entertain his carnal desires? Are they just thoughts or is he actually fantasizing? I personally don't think it's OK to "play on the internet" especially if it's hurting you. His rationale and casualness about such wanderings show a blatant lack of respect for both you and your feelings. Yes, we humans are of a fleshly nature but there's no need to hurt your spouse with such secret disclosures. As for flirting online, it's definitely not conducive to a healthy marriage. If he truly loves and honors you and your relationship, his intimacy would be better spent at trying to rekindle his desires for you. And instead of worrying if his lusting for other women is normal you should instead decide if it's something you can live with. It sounds as though he's obsessive and obviously so if you and his counselor feel he's a sexual addict. I cannot speak for all men as your husband clearly thinks he can, but there are certainly many out there who would disagree with what he finds natural and acceptable. Marriage is supposed to be sacred, just as our vows. Being faithful means to forsake ALL others.
I wish you the best and hope you find the answer you're looking for.
Also, I am a Christian so I abide by this verse, myself.
Matthew 5:28 "But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath
committed adultery with her already in his heart."
2007-02-20 18:02:47 · answer #1 · answered by wyld_roze 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a fine line between what is natural for a man, and what your husband is doing. Yes, it is natural for a man to fantasize about having sex - acting is another thing altogether. I he "plays on the internet" even after he has been confronted by you, and his counselor, then he has a problem. Why? because people who don't have problems are never in a situation to be confronted on it. He would just stop if it was no big deal. But, fantasies with no action (or action in the sense of playing it out with you, healthily so as not to force anything on you) is just human. In fact, you might want to try a little yourself - just happy thoughts, that's all.
2007-02-20 16:16:02 · answer #2 · answered by T D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is totally normal. That shrink mumbo jumbo about sexual addiction is crazy unless he is just a freak. Men think about sex about once every 20 sec or something like that. Quit trying to make this worse than it is. Him wondering about other women but not doing it is better than a lot of people have it. And what in the world do you think that has to mean he didn't want to be married? That is such a leap - a total woman thing to do. You've never had fantasies about another man? If not, you are the one with a sexual problem.
2007-02-20 16:15:08 · answer #3 · answered by Chloe 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is 100% natural for a MAN to have sexural thoughts, the average man has a sexural thought 1 time a minute or less isnt it?
As long as its only flirting online you should be happy, how many men stay that faithful.
His a man, we all have a sexual addiction, we all think of other women from time to time, were not as connected to the one person in life as females.
If he went to a counsilor that shows he loves you and wants to be with you, his never cheated be happy trust me :)
2007-02-20 16:13:20 · answer #4 · answered by Drew P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am maried and can tell you that though it does cross my mind i dont actually spend any time on it....it is natural to think about though ..HOWEVER, your husband has played on the internet...that is the first sign that given the chance he possibly would cheat on you...i can tell you that though it crosses my mind i would never ever actually consider it nor want it...i love my wife and would never do anything to hurt her nor myself...your husband needs help...
Possibly being married at such a young age has caused this...he might be thinking about what he missed out on...i hope thats not the case....you two shouldnt have this much distance between you...try going to church..their you can learn how to build up your relationship
2007-02-20 16:18:52 · answer #5 · answered by camden 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is only when a man is not fully satisfied with the present relationship that he will look elsewhere. Of course 50% of the men normally have roving eyes and indulge in fantasies.Alarm bells should start ringing when from generalising he comes down to te particular, when he focuses on a particular woman.
2007-02-20 16:16:58 · answer #6 · answered by Traveller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is common to think of sex with others when married BUT NOT NORMAL to act on it or even acknowledge it or be on the internet. And YES it is cheating when on the internet. It takes one person from another person whether it be in the mind or it is in real life.
He sounds addicted.
He is cheating. He is taking time and energy that belongs to YOU.
You have let this happen for five years.
The question I ask is WHY have you let it happen????
Where is your self respect and honor.
2007-02-20 16:17:54 · answer #7 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Abby used to say something like:
Let them look all they want, just relax and be happy that they are in your bed each and every night.
After 15 years he could be wondering what he is missing out in the world. That is natural. See if you both can spice things up a little....and revitalize your marriage.
2007-02-20 16:18:58 · answer #8 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men love to fantisize and are visual but I don't thikn he should be playing on the internet that just leads to trouble.
So my answer is he is a guy so yes he will think of sex with another hot woman but the internet stuff is, in my opinion, trouble.
2007-02-21 02:11:20 · answer #9 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thinking about it occasionally is natural, but talking about it, going on-line with it and putting it in your face is totally disrespectful of you and your relationship. You definitely married young. It's not that he didn't want to be married-sounds like he wants to be married, have the perks, and still feel free to act like he's not. Look at the reality of what is and decide what the deal breaker is for you!
2007-02-20 16:13:00 · answer #10 · answered by ontheroadagainwithoutyou 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋