is this poem good?

Question

i love to write poems and im writing one for school is this one good could i change anything also im 11 years old

Sitting by herself in a world she doesn't know she See's everything she wants love and attention
people see the scars and ignore it she screams in her mind but no one can hear her
except the thoughts she's always wanted only one place for her is the little corner where she can get away
and have everything she wants only in her dreams is where that happens she rather be dead why live life so invisible she
remembers being little wanting to be a singer in a big crowd the only crowd she has now is the stuffed animals in her dark small room.

Answer 1

Eleven years old, really? Darn good, then. You might improve it by correcting "See's" to "sees" and rearranging the line breaks to emphasize your points, maybe something like this:

Sitting by herself in a world she doesn't know
she sees everything
she wants love and attention
people see the scars and ignore it
she screams in her mind
but
no one can hear her

except the thoughts

she's always wanted
only one place for her is the little corner where she can get away
and have everything she wants

only in her dreams is where that happens
she rather be dead why live life so invisible
she
remembers being little
wanting to be a singer in a big crowd

the only crowd she has now is the stuffed animals in her
dark
small
room.

Answer 2

Here is my rewrite of the poem. This poem has far too many words that have no meaning such as she, and, doesn't. It is also very cliche. The plot isn't fully developed as you can see from my rewrite. Keeping working on the ideas though:)

Seated in a world; wanting love and attention
Past scars, she screams for no one to hear
She wants only a place; her corner to escape the dream
Her dream of death over life; far too invisible
Crowds of her famous fantasies shrink to the toys of her childhood

Answer 3

Not a bad concept, but the lack of punctuation really decreases readability.

It's also a bit wordy for my tastes. It reads as more of a full narrative rather than a poem. I've always been of the opinion with poetry that it's better to use more concise language.

There are grammatical errors as well..."she rather be dead" should be "she'd rather be dead."

"See's" should just be "sees" with no apostrophe.

Answer 4

Nice poem, well written. But very sad. I hope this girl finds what she is needing.

Answer 5

Very dark.....maybe show the little girl a ray of hope...poetry should inspire, not depress.

Answer 6

What's that old saying: "Beauty's in the eye of the beholder". Well, I guess it's just as true here as anywhere. God Bless you.

Answer 7

it is really good keep writing sweetie and don't ever let anyone tell you what your art is or isn't. stand strong in how you feel and if you think it is good.ok

Answer 8

i like it i think you did a good job keep up the good work

Answer 9

Its ok could work on it a little better

Answer 10

awwwwwww this poem is so sweet and nice. i luv writing too. it is really fun.........i luv expressing and i can tell u do too.... AWSOME JOB, if this is for school u should get a A++++++++++!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!