I made some poor decisions and now I'm stuck in this situation. The dad wants to be involved and he is going to the dr. appts and stuff and I want him to help me raise the baby (just not while dating me). We're just not right for each other, but I hate being alone...any suggestions?
2007-02-20 15:44:10 · 21 answers · asked by Chrissy K 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
p.s. I'm not giving my baby up for adoption just because I don't get along w/the father but thanks for the advice (from whoever's bright idea that was)
2007-02-20 15:51:01 · update #1
well first of all i'm glad you have decide to keep the baby it may seem like a bad thing but it can become of one of the best things in your life. My advice about letting the father be involved is get a written contract about everything like what he is going to pay or when he will get to see the baby. Just be strong I know you can do it and yes you willl be the one doing most of everything but the child will be closer to you. As far as the guy and you in a relationship don't it will hurt so much more if you try to work it out for the baby and it doesn't work out. Just make sure that there is mutal respect in place. There will be a Man and yes i meaqn man that will be muture enough to be in a relationship with you and love your child also don't settle. Hang in there Don't forget that the child will be a blessing to you.
Ps if you need someone who understands what you are going through you can contact me
2007-02-20 16:12:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk about history....your story was my story 21 years ago almost 22 years now. It is difficult to say where the relationship will be once you have this child. Things could change. Either way, you will need to be co-parents to this child. And having both parents around especially when this baby is young will help. You will need a break and it will be great if the dad is ready, willing and able to take care of things for you then. You are in the middle of one of the most stressful situations in adult life. And you won't be alone if he is there to share this with you. It is good that he wants to be involved. You don't have to be dating to share this. I think at this point you have moved beyond the "dating" stage. He should help you out now- get you out and about a little. Go as friends. Try to be his friend- see what happens later. You have a lot of decisions to make. This isn't the time to make a decision regarding a relationship with the father. Concentrate on the child, as will he, and just let everything else go for now. Later- when you are in the midst of all those hormone changes, you two can work out a plan. Let him be the dad, you be the mom, and if things change, great, if they don't, great- you will have a better chance of raising a well-adjusted adult in the end. There was something you liked about the father in the begining. Remember that- even when it gets tough. You are now connected to this person for the rest of your life.
I was in that situation. The father and I decided when my baby was 6 weeks old that we couldn't live together. I was 18. I moved back in with my mother- got my college degree- and he babysat for me while I was in school at night. Unfortunately he died when our daughter was 3. She is now 21. He would have been a great dad. He had a girlfriend when he died- she was good to my daughter too and she has stayed in contact with her throughout her life. So, you never know what might happen. Good Luck! And Congrats on the baby!!!
2007-02-20 16:04:52 · answer #2 · answered by Shawn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you have made some poor decisions, but learn from them. Also remember when you are pregnant, your moods are through the roof. You won't even be able to stand your partner. The advice that I can give you is . Take everything day by day. Let nature take its course. That's good that ur baby daddy wants to be a their for u. Don't take that away. Alot of men now in days just take off and don't give a dam. You can still allow him to be a part of the baby's life and maintain as your friends. Let him know that all you want to be is friends, hey maybe ya need time apart as friends to really get to know each other. If it's meant to be then it will come back to you.. Trust me being a single mother is hard .But it 's good that he wants to be their and support u.. Ya can still raise the baby together as friends, How ya take turns for example he can give u a break and take the baby for a walk.etc. Ya should sit down and come to an agreement. And work out a schedule for visitations. How ever u feel comfortable, For example,He can take the baby every other weekend. It's all up to u.
2007-02-20 16:05:13 · answer #3 · answered by lilsan812 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes in life we make poor decisions whether being 18 or 38..You're human..Dont be hard on yourself..If the Dad wants to be involved then thats a start towards something..Dont let anyone tell you to get an abortion or give YOUR baby up for adoption..Do you have a job?If not now would be the time to go and get one..Even if its just part time..Its still getting you an income to start getting things prepared for the new lil one..Do you have family?
Try joining a group for young mothers,you may make some friends..You wont always be alone..IT will all be ok..
I wish you the best of luck and I hope you have a good pregnancy!!
2007-02-20 15:58:11 · answer #4 · answered by ♥♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In all honesty, whatever you do or do not do is going to be a sticky situation. But...relish in the fact that he does want to be there and support you, even without being involved with you. As far as the relationship goes with him, it is extremely important to have him active in the child's life, regardless of the situation. It is important for the child to have some stability when it comes to him. I hope with all my heart that he isn't the only person in your life that cares about you. Being alone isn't fun, but I am sure you have family that can be just as, or more supportive as he could be if you were together. With him, "togetherness" doesn't have to mean a romantic relationship, but you share something huge and joyful in common, your baby. Regardless of what is going on between you and the father, you have something that you both genuinely care about, and with that in mind, I am sure that everything will work out to the best. Good luck, it's hard but just imagine what is to come! This time is exciting!
2007-02-20 15:59:18 · answer #5 · answered by kel_230 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not right for each other you should not be together.
You should be over the moon that the father wants to be involved. Let him take part as many girls don't have the luxury of an ex wanting to be involved. The best you can do for your child is to still be good friends, just explain to your ex that there is no furture of a romantic relationship so he knows where he stands and things don't get complicated later.
2007-02-20 15:55:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You won't be alone you will have a gorgeous baby who will provide you with some real joy and love. Concentrate on your baby and you will find someone when the time is right but right now your baby needs to be your main priority. Thumbs up to the guy who is going to stand up and take responsibility for his child and be involved with the baby even though you's are no longer together.
2007-02-20 15:51:47 · answer #7 · answered by jimmy_chick78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok well i was 15 when i found out i was pregnant. and i am now 17 and my daughter is 15 months.. so theresnothing wrong with that .. but anyways when i was pregnant me and my bf (babies daddy) were on and off dating for the longest time.. He went to the appointments too and i didnt think we would ever get back together so i just figured as long as hes going to be there for me and our child just let him be there i was always feeling lonely too but i just idk i tried to think about me and the baby more then my feelings of being lonely. just try to be a family anyways.. you can be one without actually dating the person trust me i went through it .. well im not sure if any of that made sense but i know where your coming from.. just try to not think of lonlyness too much..well if you need anything else my email is daisy_chick_1212@yahoo.com.. best of luck!
2007-02-20 15:58:54 · answer #8 · answered by mommy and me 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You gotta do whats right for you and this baby! If your not happy with this man don't be with him just because your pregnant, but DO NOT deny him rights to his child. He deserves the chance to be a good father and every child deserves to have a father!!
2007-02-20 15:49:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are not right for each other, then be parents to your child and be friends to each other. You don't have to be alone if he is your friend but you don't have to sleep with him either. If you stay with him just because you are lonely, then what will you do when Mr Right comes along? Good luck.
2007-02-20 15:48:42 · answer #10 · answered by Army Wife 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋