I AM 62 MY WIFE IS 59. WE ARE BOTH STILL WORKING AND I HAVE THREE ADDITIONAL CHECKS COMING IN EACH MONTH. BUT IT SEEMS THAT ALL OUT AUGUMENTS ARE OVER MONEY. I USE TO MUCH ELECTRICY OR I DON'T NEED THIS OR THAT. IF I TAKE A DRINK THEN SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG, I DON'T NEED IT. ALL I DO IS WORK COME HOME AND PLAY WITH THE COMPUTER, CLEAN HOUSE AN DO MOST OF THE COOKING AND WASHING. I STAY TO MYSELF MOST OF THE TIME UNLESS I AM DRAWING HER BATH OR SERVING HER BEAKFAST. IN BED. I TRY TO DO FOR HER AND NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT WHAT SHE DOES OR SPENDS.SHE HANDLES ALL THE MONEY AND PAYS THE BILLS. I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS THAT I AM ALWAYS DOING SO WRONG. CAN ANY BODY TELL ME?
2007-02-20 15:21:39 · 20 answers · asked by Jerry 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe she is tired of paying the bills and handling the money. I handle the bills in our household, and sometimes I just don't want to do it anymore. I'm OK as long as we're flush, but sometimes we have unexpected expenses and things get tight. That's when I really don't want to be the one responsible for it all. We're never "broke", but I like to keep a certain amount in certain accounts, and if we have to hit one for something unexpected, it stresses me out. Talk to her about the finances, see if there is a valid reason she's picking on you for electricity your using and money you want to spend on "this or that".
Of course, I'm not there, I don't know what she's thinking... this is just my opinion!
Oh, I just happened to think - maybe the fact that your son just deployed has something to do with it??? I know that I am always worried about my son, and he's only in Korea!
2007-02-20 15:39:21 · answer #1 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you are doing anything wrong, but spending time with you is probably what she needs more. I think that your wife is not being that wife she should be to you. It seems like she is just nagging for the good things that you do on most everything, the one thing that she doesn't do is, she doesn't appreciate the things that you do around the house and for her and do you appreciate the things she does for you?
She could be handling the bills and handles the money. I really think that you should be able to handle some of the money too. What's yours is hers, or what's hers is yours. You need to find out where your money is being spent. Because it seems like you both argue over money.
I would consider on getting these two books for you and her called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage".
You two need to sit down and talk about the issues that you are dealing with. She also needs to know that you have needs too, not just her.
You are not doing anything wrong, but maybe you need to spend more time with her. Is she giving you appreciation, respect, and love? Or, seems like she is just nagging at you about everything, rather than showing appreciation to you. Plus, why worry about money when you already have 3 checks coming in?
2007-02-20 15:45:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
For many years I tried to make my marriage work with someone who did not appreciate, and took advantage of my caring nature! It seems to me that like myself you are a very caring man. And at 62 are also experiencing the fear of the unknown! I will tell you that I have had the fortune to first break my emotional ties with my ex-wife and am now in the best relationship of my life. I truly believed that my love for my ex would eventually change the way she treated me...but it didn't. As she admitted in counseling the last time we tried to reconcile, she resented my caring nature. It was a reminder of everything she wasn't. But in the same breath loved being treated so well! You see, the arguments are disigned to keep all the blame on you and defer it from her! It won't change!
I hate to sound so cut and dry about it, but I like you are no spring chicken. But I bet you are in pretty decent shape and probably look a little younger for your age??? Its your caring heart! It keeps you young inside. Don't waste the rest of your life on this woman. I know you still love her, and feel a sense of responsibility, but it is time that you too be treated the way you treat others. Believe me there are women out there who are just like you.....waiting to share and lovingly accept your good love by loving you back! I know...cause I found one!
My man.....inside you have to get to the point where you know that you are doing nothing wrong....nothing! You are a romantic, who can love anyone just about...you just were unlucky with this one. Next time be more picky and do what I did....do not ignore the "red flags"! I sincerly wish yo the best of luck and all the strength it will take to make the tough decisions to bring happiness in your life!
2007-02-20 15:52:44 · answer #3 · answered by CSnumber1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you been looking at what is really going on in your bank accounts? One person may have more talent for budgeting, but that's no reason that you should not be/stay informed of what's coming in and what's being paid out.
I suggest that you first sit down with your wife and express your feelings and then suggest that the two of you seek counseling. It seems that she has an innate need for control and it's almost as if you seek to avoid responsibility. I applaud you for doing things to make your wife feel loved and wanted, but it is a two way street. Apparently, you are not feeling valued or appreciated. I won't say that you should stop, but you may want to think about letting her know what's bothering you and that you need for her to alter some of her actions. Ask her to share in making your marriage a marriage and your home a home.
2007-02-20 15:36:48 · answer #4 · answered by moe497 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you have a hard time. You know I like joking but I will not about this. I think that your wife is reading you wrong. There's a communication gap somewhere. You need to get a book called "the 5 Love Languages". People react to different ways of affection. Find out her kind of love language and start treating her with that language.I think you'll find that I'm right. God bless both of you!
2007-02-21 11:48:07 · answer #5 · answered by JACQUELINE T 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like your married to a domineering, self centered unappreciative woman. You'd think at your ages you wouldn't argue anymore! This is supposed to be the happiest times of your life. My husband and I aren't far behind you in age and I couldn't picture us being like the two of you are. You need to change your ways since she won't change hers. Quit doing everything for her, she's not helpless, make her cook from time to time and she can surely draw her own bath. She's taking you for granted. Also you might consider taking over the finances for awhile, just to see where you stand financially.
2007-02-20 15:31:42 · answer #6 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you this, your wife has underlying issues that she isn't sharing with you. She is nitpicking because she isn't happy with a bigger issue between you. I definitely would suggest some marriage counseling or at least starting it off by sitting her down in a quiet setting and asking her concerns by first starting off that you love her and want to figure out what you can do to help and then just listen to what she has to say.
2007-02-20 15:35:23 · answer #7 · answered by sadmom 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that my lady has nothing to do with her time, but to piss and moan about what your doing.
I agree with one of the other posters, you've spoiled her. But it also sounds as if maybe she's in a state of depression. Is she on any medications that may alter her mood to start with?
If she is, I would probably go as far as to make a doctors appt, with her doctor to have a consultation over your wifes behavior if its concerning you this much. Because there is side effects to alot of medications, it may be that she needs some of them altered, of on a different type altogether. (this is if she's only any meds) It maybe that she needs an anti-depressent to go along with her meds.
Good luck........
2007-02-20 15:56:07 · answer #8 · answered by Stephanie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What happened is that you let your wife walk all over you for so long that she is used to it and is unfortunately abusing your marriage. Put your foot down so you don't spend the rest of your life completely miserable. Sorry to say this, but she sounds like a selfish b*tch. Word of advice, don't wait on her hand and foot. Demand some respect. You're the man of the house, stand up and be the man!
2007-02-20 15:42:47 · answer #9 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
stop giving her so much control. I am sure you remember the old saying f'm or get f'd. Put the shoe on the other foot and let her see how it feels. Maybe she will see that she is treating you like a door mat
2007-02-20 15:29:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋